From Scratch
by Marie Goos
Summary: The Dragon Warrior has finally brought peace to the Valley, and to Shifu- although, with an old flame's return, Tai Lung alive and less than repentant, and the threat of war looming over China, you could have fooled him. Sequel to Blue Plate Special.
1. A Crust Eaten in Peace

A/N: Well, here it is! The sequel to Blue Plate Special! Now with 90 percent more plot. I do tend to be a sequel-happy wench, I admit, but very few of them actually get posted. However, I have become quite attached to this saga, so I decided to see 'er through to the end. Hopefully it won't kill me. I can't promise regular updates right now, though, since real life (as always) is hectic. But I promise you that I will be working on this... Almost constantly. Because it's what I do on the train. And I commute a lot. Anyway... Here goes!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is property of Dreamworks.

* * *

**From Scratch**

Chapter 1: A Crust Eaten in Peace is Better than a Banquet Partaken in Anxiety

* * *

Chen had thought he was done with traveling cross-country, dealing with aches and pains and bandits who honestly didn't know their heads from their asses. Of course, he had been wrong. The old jerboa had known from the moment he'd met Oogway that the senile turtle would never give him a moment's peace. He had been right about that much- throughout years of kung fu training the Grand Master of all kung fu had pushed him harder than anyone had- and pushed his buttons, too. The fool could make him angrier than anyone or anything else in the world, which was saying a lot considering how angry he was all the time, anyway. And then, after he'd left kung fu to pursue painting, he'd never truly been able to leave the practice behind entirely- thanks to Oogway. He'd always had something to call on Chen for, something that apparently no one else could handle. And Chen fell for it every time, because he was a fool, and because despite the years of torture, metaphor, senility, and aggravation, Oogway had become one of his closest and dearest friends. Now, even in death, Oogway was still making him traverse the countryside against his will.

"Memorial service indeed," he huffed to himself; he'd never believed in such things, and he doubted Oogway had, either. After all, once one passed to the next plane of existence, one generally didn't care what the living did. At least, that was what he had experienced himself back when he'd died. But what did he know? He was only a hundred and fifty-six years old, it wasn't like he had actually learned anything.

He just hoped he didn't have to spend too much time interacting with people- except for Quan, if she'd even made it back to the Valley of Peace yet. The woman had always been a bit daft, so he wouldn't be surprised if she'd gotten distracted along the way. She would make it there eventually, of course, though he didn't see why she would want to. She'd never been the soft type who'd wanted to live someplace "safe" where others would protect her- not that he thought it was bad to have such a place. It didn't seem fair, either, and he was sure Quan thought the same of it. But then, she wasn't exactly going back for the protection. Though part of him thought that would have been preferable.

What on Earth she saw in that fat badger Shifu, he had no idea. She could do worse, of course, but... Really? The man was a walking hemorrhoid with giant ears, and he always had been. Even back when Chen had first met him- he'd only been a teenager, and he'd still acted like he had a fistful of sand shoved up his vagina. He'd always come off as rather simple, too- not _stupid_, but simplistic in his thinking and ideals. He thought protecting people was all about keeping them alive and uninjured, when in reality there was so much more to it than that. A proper master of kung fu fought for the freedoms and liberties of the people he protected as well, just as Oogway had. And Shifu- he just didn't get it.

It had occurred to Chen that he simply held standards which were far too high for most others to reach, but Quan was one of those few, and the least she could do was hold out for someone else who did. Of course she was a grown woman and it wasn't his place to decide who she should love- though if it was, he would have picked someone much more suiting for her. Then again, Oogway had always seen something in the little closet pervert that nobody else had, and that counted for something. Oogway had a knack for seeing straight to the core of people; he had known Chen better than anyone else had known him his entire life, after all. And if Oogway had thought Shifu was fit to inherit the title of Grand Master of kung fu, then _maybe_ there was a miniscule chance that he was fit to be with Quan, as well.

Chen realized he was only getting himself worked up about something over which he had absolutely no control, anyway. He tended to do that when he was under stress- focus on something completely unrelated to the source of his stress in an attempt to control the world around him. He realized he was only lashing out due to grief over the loss of a great friend and mentor. Still, it made him feel better.

"See how much I've grown, you old fool?" he muttered into the wind as he stopped at the giant wooden gateway that marked the beginning of the Thread of Hope, the giant series of treacherous wooden bridges that served as the only way into the Valley of Peace. "I don't need you anymore, anyway," he sighed.

"Uuuuugh," came the reply, barely audible over the creaking of the bridge's ropes.

Chen paused, furrowing his already formidable brow at the groan; that had definitely not been an otherworldly groan. "What the hell was that?"

"Eurgh," the voice grumbled again.

It had definitely come from his left side, from the rocky promontory directly beneath the gate, though his view was blocked by the bridge itself. "It figures," Chen huffed to himself as he leaped down to the promontory with ease, landing nimbly on his feet, and took a good, long look at the beaten and bloodied pile of fur and flesh that lay there. "Great. I take the time and trouble to come all the way out here, and now I gotta turn around and go right back home."

* * *

Shifu groaned to himself as he cracked his eyes open, blinking in the soft pre-dawn light that filtered into his room through his bedroom window. While he normally wouldn't have a problem getting up so early, despite his age, he had recently been given one very good reason to be exhausted, in the form of the Jade Palace's newest resident. As he pushed himself to his feet with a low groan, he paused to wonder what new horrors awaited him once _she_ rose from her slumber.

Thirty-three years had passed, yet he could still remember every aggravating moment he'd spent with Lin in agonizing detail as if it had been only yesterday. Of course, he had good reason to remember so well- he had never loved another woman like he had loved the unruly canine. He had imagined spending the rest of his life with her, raising Tai Lung with her, growing old with her. He hadn't thought he'd have been able to stray from her side even if he had tried. Until she'd fled China for fear of execution, never to be seen or heard from again. At first he had been devastated, as any lover would have been. However, over time the pain had dulled, life had gone on, and she had become nothing more to him than a fond memory that drifted up from the recesses of his mind at a sip of warm tea or the sight of a painting. He had still missed her now and then, but he had long since accepted that she was, and would always remain, a part of his past which he could never reclaim.

And then she had shown up at the Jade Palace out of the blue, cursing like a sailor and smoking like a chimney. The vulgarity had been nothing new, and she had retained the forwardness and penchant for chaos she'd had in her youth, yet so much was different. She had aged of course, though not particularly well- bits and pieces of her were literally missing: the molars in the right side of her mouth, a chunk of her left ear, and her fur had thinned considerably in certain spots, giving the overall impression that someone had simply pulled it out, the way a child plucked the petals from a flower. Yet there was something else that seemed to be missing, something the girl of his memories had that this new woman did not. There had once been a time when she had seemed to glow in his eyes, when her smile had lit up a room and her laugh had set his fur on end. Now, the light was gone; her smile was simply a leering grin, and her laugh a cackle that still set his fur on end- though not in a good way. Of course he was not as shallow as to dismiss her because she had aged; there was something more missing. Perhaps whatever she had been through in her clearly difficult life had worn her spirit down, or perhaps he had simply realized that, as she had pointed out herself, she was no longer the same woman he had once loved.

That didn't mean she didn't carry on like a lunatic as she had always used to do- _that_ spark, at least, she had kept. After five days of Lin completely rearranging the kitchen to her own liking, making lewd jokes to his students, filling the entire barracks with the smell of her tobacco, drinking like a fish, making fun of his limp, scaring off servants who tried to help her with anything at all, stealing all the extra pillows they possessed out of the laundry, cooking curry and forcing him to eat it, rewriting all of the banners in the training hall with a "more inspirational" style of calligraphy, and inciting at least three separate bar brawls down in the village- _somehow_ he had managed to not drop dead from heart failure. What truly exhausted him, though, was not her boorish temperament or her complete lack of concern for social norms, but the fact that at the end of the day, when all was said and done, he looked into her eyes... And all he saw there was a stranger. Well, that and cataracts.

Perhaps he was being too harsh, though. After all, it had only been a few days. Besides, all she was asking for was his friendship, and he had already found it easy enough to give her that much. Well, she was also asking for a place to live... And that was not quite so easy to give. She wasn't exactly the easiest person to live with- and he was not the only cohabitant in question. He had yet to break the news about the permanence of Lin's stay to any of his students, though he had a feeling that when he did, the Furious Five would more than live up to their descriptive moniker. _Especially_ Tigress.

With a heavy sigh, he dressed himself for the day and headed out into the hallway- and thus, his torture began. "_What_ are you doing?"

"Scoping out rooms," Lin replied from three doors down, where she stood at the threshold of an empty room, peering inside. "At first I was fine with moving back into my old room, but then I thought, 'Wait a minute- if I'm gonna make a fresh start, I _really_ need to make a fresh start.' Y'know, new room and everything. Besides, I want a window. It's depressing, having a room without a window. Especially since this'll double as my studio." She walked into the room to inspect it further, but kept talking to him. "I know a lotta artists like to have studios in separate rooms, even separate buildings, but that just ain't my style. I gotta have a bed in the same room as where I work, so at least when I pass out I don't wake up with a crick in my neck." She paused to cough, since her smoker's rasp was a little bit worse in the morning- probably because of the humidity. "But anyway, I'll be spending a lotta time working in my studio space, and it's just depressing to spend most of your day in a room without a window. And I want a room further away from where your students sleep, too- I don't wanna get woken up by that 'Good morning, Master' bullshit ever again. That scared the crap outta me, y'know."

"It is too early for this," he grumbled, mostly to himself, as he reached up to massage his temples. "It is far, far too early."

"I thought about being your neighbor for a while," she added as she sauntered out of the room, "but I figured that'd be a little too close quarters. Yeesh, you look awful."

"You have only yourself to blame." He turned and headed toward the hall in which his students slept in order to greet them when the morning gong rang.

She followed him, of course. "Whaddaya think about that room near the back door with the high-set windows? It's pretty separated from the rest of the barracks, so I won't be disturbed, and I'll be able to slip out the back without waking anyone up. And it faces west so I get good sunlight in the evening, which I prefer to morning sunlight, but I keep thinking maybe it's _too_ cut off. I mean, I wanna be able to get to know your students and your daughter, and I don't wanna look like I think I'm better 'an anyone else, although deep down inside I probably do a little bit."

"Why are you still speaking to me?" he groaned as he ground to a halt at the end of the hallway and folded his arms behind his back.

"We are getting to know each other," she replied as if she were being perfectly reasonable.

"You will not undermine my authority in front of my students _first thing in the morning_," he ordered her.

"We are starting over," she continued. "It is a brand new day, time to go at it in a brand new way. New beginnings! And I'm excited for it, I am excited to start over."

"You are _annoying_, is what you are. You are annoying me on purpose, and don't deny it because I can tell."

"Maybe just a little," she admitted. "But today's a big day for me! I deserve to be congratulated."

"Why?" He doubted she would tell him anything of any relevance whatsoever, but for some reason he still asked.

"'Cause today I work. Today is my first employed day in the Valley of Peace. It's a new beginning!" She slapped him on the back for good measure, just as the morning gong rang and his students stepped out of their bedrooms, standing alert in the hallway- except for Po; Po stumbled, more than anything else, and fiddled with the door before he finally managed to stand at attention. Still, it was an improvement.

"Good morning, students," he greeted as he did every morning.

"Good morning, Master," they replied in unison, like a well-oiled machine.

"G'morning, everyone!" Lin greeted enthusiastically as she waved at them. "Welcome to a brand new day!" She reached out and gave Shifu what appeared to be, for lack of a better word, a noogie. Then, she ran off to do... Whatever it was she planned on doing.

"And that just happened," he muttered to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Students, I would like you to get a head start on your training today before we eat breakfast. I want you all to start off with-"

"Stretching!" Lin called from down the hallway, since she couldn't mind her own business.

He paused and counted to ten to keep himself calm, then continued. "I want you to start off with stretching, for half an hour. Then an hour of-"

"Tai chi?" Lin returned to his side with a cup of tea in each hand, and shoved one of them at him.

He reluctantly took the cup and tried not to look too annoyed in front of his students. "Tai chi," he grunted, then downed the tea all in one gulp. "_Then _we will convene for breakfast."

"Can I steal the panda before they get started?" She took the empty cup from him and peered into it, as if she couldn't believe he had finished his tea so quickly.

"Why?" he snapped, his eye twitching; it was far too early in the morning to deal with her... Everything.

"Top secret," she informed him. "Very important."

Shifu resisted the urge to tell her precisely why she made his head feel as if it were about to explode and instead looked to his students. The Furious Five remained stoic, staring straight ahead with their arms at their sides, the perfect picture of discipline. Po, meanwhile, kept trying to catch his eye and emphatically shake his head, clearly terrified of what Lin had in mind. With a heavy sigh, he turned to face away from his students, gesturing to Lin to do the same. "What is going on?" he whispered.

"Nothing," she muttered back, feigning innocence. "Nothing's going on."

"You are acting _cheerful_," he pointed out. "You are never this cheerful. This is not like you, and I think there is a reason. And why is it so important for you to talk to the panda this early in the morning?"

"You don't know whether this's like me or not," she shot back. "I wasn't this cheerful three decades ago, how d'you know this isn't how I am now?"

He simply glared at her.

"Okay, it's not my default setting. But I deserve to be cheerful every once in a while. I have _work_ to do, for the first time in months, and I've had five pots of tea in the last two hours."

"_Five?_"

"I'm allowed to be cheerful," she snapped. "'Cause chances are, when I get back here at the end of the day, I ain't gonna be cheerful. So enjoy it while it lasts."

"...Alright, then," he conceded. "And Po?"

"Nunya business."

"If you want me to let you steal him from his training, then it is my business."

"I wanna ask him some stuff, is all. About, y'know..." She raised her eyebrows at him and he realized she meant the battle with Tai Lung.

"Oh!" He supposed it _was_ important, then. After all, she had only recently found out about everything that had happened, and she had cared for Tai Lung... Very much. So it was probably her way of getting through the grieving process. "Do not keep him too long."

"Thanks."

He then turned around, cleared his throat, and faced his new life. "Sorry, Po."

* * *

Oogway had always had a saying- well, the old turtle had a lot of sayings, which was only natural for someone who'd lived to see his thousandth year. But one of those sayings had been: the mind is greater than the body. He had never meant that the body was unimportant- far from it- or that it should be neglected. He'd meant that any working of the body, especially pain, could be overcome by sheer will of mind. Easy to say for the creator of kung fu, who had unraveled the secrets of harmony and focus.

For those beings who were somewhat more grounded in reality, pain was not quite so easily dismissed.

"Auuugh," a large, muscular snow leopard grumbled as he cracked his eyes open and experienced his first lucid moments in weeks. "Kill me." Tai Lung reached up and gripped his pounding head from where he was, as far as he could tell, lying on a hardwood floor.

"Suffering builds character," the gravelly voice of an old man sounded, seemingly out of nowhere.

He blinked at the unexpected response and attempted to sit up, as much to attempt to observe the room in which he was being held as to identify his mysterious captor. Unfortunately, an intense sense of vertigo coupled with the most painful soreness he had ever known kept him prostrate. He tried to at least get a sense of his surroundings, but it was dark and his eyes were having trouble focusing. All he knew was that he was indoors and had a thin blanket over him, as well as a small pillow beneath his head.

"...Who is there?" he finally called out, though he felt ridiculous for doing so; if his captor wanted to be known he would have made himself visible by then.

"_I_ am, you oaf," the old man snapped from the shadows. Judging by his voice, he was probably a fairly large animal, and definitely a strong one.

"Who are you?" Tai Lung reiterated, squinting in an effort to see better. "Where is the panda?" A growl entered his voice at the memory of his humiliating defeat, after so many years of lying in wait, plotting, planning. Everything he'd worked for had been merely swiped away by that big, fat, clumsy paw as if it were no more important than dirt.

"There ain't no panda around here," the old man answered, snapping him out of his stewing. "Now get up."

He felt a sharp sting on his side, though he had no clue how the man had managed to attack him without being seen. "What did you just do to me?"

"I _hit_ you," the voice replied, this time dangerously close to his head. "Gods know you need some sense knocked into you. Now _get up_."

"I _can't_," he pointed out. "I am injured and disoriented."

"Last I checked you didn't have any broken bones, and as far as this 'disoriented' shit goes- stop acting like an idiot."

Tai Lung felt another sharp pain, this time on the side of his head. "Get away from me!"

"Make me."

"I _will!_" With a low growl, Tai Lung managed to push himself into a sitting position and blindly swiped at the side the old man had hit him from; he didn't hit anything, of course, but he felt just a _little_ better.

"I thought you couldn't get up," the voice sounded from behind him.

"I don't like games, old man," Tai Lung grumbled, and turned around to try to catch a glimpse of his captor; his eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness and he could see the room around him, which had wooden walls to match the floor and was sparsely furnished with a writing desk, a couple of chairs, and a trunk. A free-standing screen stood against the wall to his right, and he assumed it was meant to cover a window. However, the man still eluded his gaze. "You are hiding from me, coward?" he accused.

"I ain't hiding." The voice was once again behind him, this time sounding closer than ever- yet that was impossible. "I'm giving you a quick check-up. Everything looks okay, but don't hold me to that."

"Where are you?" Tai Lung demanded, confused; could the man be right behind him, yet invisible?

"Look down, dumbass," came the reply, this time from his right side.

He _did_ look down, and standing there on the floor next to him was some sort of tiny wrinkled rodent, with an equally tiny walking stick. "Augh!" He cringed away from the creature, shocked and disgusted.

"You're even more of an idiot 'an I thought," the rodent accused, furrowing his formidable brow more than it already had been. "Don't remember me? I'm not surprised."

"No, I don't recall ever associating myself with a mouse," he growled, eyeing the hunched over old man with suspicion.

"Jerboa," he corrected. "And the name's Chen."

"Chen?" He _knew_ that name. "_The_ Chen?"

"Didn't know I was a 'The,'" Chen huffed, apparently displeased with the distinction.

Tai Lung didn't understand what his problem was; the man was a legendary warrior, his reputation up there with the likes of Master Flying Rhino, Master Frog, and even Master Dog. He had fought time and again alongside Oogway against armies, demons, assassins- and had always won. Any student of kung fu in his right mind would have given up a kidney to accomplish half as much as Chen had. Yet the old coot had the audacity to act _unhappy_ about his notoriety. "You're a little more... _Little_ than I remember."

"That's enough small talk," the old master snapped. "D'you know why you're here?"

"Because you kidnapped me," he pointed out.

"Wrong!" Chen poked him hard in the ribs with the walking stick. "You're here 'cause I foundya, and I decided to keepya around."

"Where?"

"Eh?"

"_Where_ did you find me?" he reiterated, rolling his eyes.

"That ain't important right now." Chen gave him another hard poke in the ribs. "What's important is I'm the only thing standing between you and another trip to the slammer."

"'The slammer?' Really?"

"Don't start with me," he warned. "I ain't figured out exactly what to do withya yet, and right now I ain't in the best of moods."

"Is that a threat?" Tai Lung narrowed his eyes at the little raisin.

Chen surprised him by not denying the accusation. "Yes. Yes it is."

"So then why are you keeping me around at all?" he insisted.

"It's a favor for a friend."

"Alright, this has officially gotten too creepy for comfort." Tai Lung attempted to get on his feet, but a combination of the intense pain he found himself in and Chen grabbing onto him with unexpected strength held him down. "Let go of me you old bag! I am getting out of here- wherever here happens to be! Don't think that I am above beating an old man, because I am not and I _will_ reduce you to a smear on the floor!"

"What is going on up here?" a feminine voice interrupted his ranting, and then the door to his left swung open, flooding the dim room with light. "And why is the window blocked? It's pitch dark in here!" In walked a woman- some sort of Siamese cat- who looked to be around fifty. She was a plump woman, with thick cream colored fur and a brown face, paws, ears and tail. Her eyes, meanwhile, were a pale lavender that somehow managed to still convey a cheerful warmth. Despite her age, her voice sounded very young, though not too high-pitched, and gentle. Either she was beautiful, or he'd been in prison for far too long. He couldn't really tell.

He rounded on Chen and pointed accusingly at the woman. "How many people know about me? What am I, on display here?" The last thing he wanted was to go back to prison; he'd have rather been killed than return to such a hellhole.

"This is Yan-Yan," Chen growled back. "She helped me out with you while you were dead weight."

"And you're not on display," Yan-Yan added. "If you were, you'd still be naked."

Tai Lung bristled at the implication. "When was I naked?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," she hummed, smoothing out her blue qipao as she feigned a complete lack of concern. "By the way, I brought over some of that jam I made from Yiliang's blackberry bushes," she directed toward Chen. "I left it in the kitchen, not that you ever go in there."

"Who is Yiliang?" Tai Lung interrupted, narrowing his eyes suspiciously as he glanced back and forth between them. How many other people knew of his presence in Chen's house?

"She's my daughter, but she's not single I'm afraid. Married with two sets of twins, in fact."

"That isn't why I asked," he ground out, annoyed.

"Alright, enough chit-chat." Chen hit him with that little twig again, as if _he_ were the one making jam and chattering on about his daughter. "We got a lot to do, and not much time in which to do it."

"What are we doing?" The woman had the audacity to kneel down next to their so-called patient and poke him hard in the ribs, exactly where Chen had poked him. "Because he seems to have healed up well enough."

"First we gotta judge whether he's even capable of rehabilitation."

"Hello! I am sitting right here!" he interrupted them. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"No," Chen shot back.

"Sorry," Yan-Yan added with complete insincerity. "You basically gave up your right to have an opinion the moment you went bat-shit."

"Since when do women like you curse?" he grumbled as she began to examine his back much as Chen had, though compared to her ministrations the ancient kung fu master had seemed gentle.

"Since I first met Chen," she answered, and he'd certainly believe it. "You know, you heal up _really_ fast."

"Do either of you have any real experience in medicine?" he asked dubiously.

"Yan-Yan's as close to an actual doctor as you're gonna get," Chen answered, and if the man didn't seem so disgruntled all the time, he might have actually sounded proud for a moment. "Learned from her husband."

"That's right," the housewife agreed, confirming that she was more than what she seemed. "He was a fine doctor, though not as fine as I could have been, had I been born a man. And while I do enjoy medicine on an academic level, the gore involved also curbs my relentless thirst for blood."

He couldn't quite tell whether or not that last bit had been a joke. "So what happened to your husband, precisely?"

"He traveled a lot, for house calls and such," she replied casually as she finally finished feeling him up. "Turns out, he had a second wife I'd never known about. When I logically pointed out that after so many seemingly happy years together he had done the lowest thing he could have possibly thought to do to me, he decided a divorce was in order. Seeing as my children, according to tradition, owe loyalty to their father over me, I moved in with Chen. Which turned out to be quite the boon, considering the view I've been treated to."

"I didn't want your life story," he groused, resisting the urge to attempt to cover himself with his blanket at her mention of "the view" she apparently enjoyed so much.

"Nobody did," Chen agreed, earning him a glare from the woman. "We are _supposed_ to be discussing what to do with this lump." He _once again_ hit Tai Lung with his walking stick, easily evading the younger warrior at an attempt to steal the stick away.

"I don't see why you want my opinion," Yan-Yan huffed, obviously still jilted by his insult. "I don't know too much about kung fu."

"Indulge me."

She let out a long-suffering sigh, her shoulders slumping. Then, hesitantly, she made her suggestion. "...Maybe we should write to Quan."

"I already toldya I don't want any correspondence about this going anywhere near the Valley of Peace!" Chen argued immediately; apparently they had argued this point before.

"Wait- who are you two talking about?" He had heard the name Quan before, though he couldn't quite remember _where_ he'd heard it.

His two captors shared a dubious look before Yan-Yan cleared her throat. "Uhm..."

Outside, the citizens of Shanghai who were going about their business in the streets, were frightened and startled by a sudden, animalistic roar. "_GRRRAAAAHHHH!_"

* * *

"So, uh... What're we talking about?" Po rocked back nervously on his heels as he faced Lin in the hallway of the barracks, after everyone else had begun their training. Oh, how he wished he were with them.

"Walk with me, panda," she replied, then turned and headed toward the front door.

"M'kay." It wasn't like he hated Lin- on the contrary, he actually sort of liked her, and he got along with her pretty well. Better than Master Shifu seemed to get along with her, anyway. However, Lin could be... Eccentric. He still shuddered when he remembered how she had propositioned him less than an hour after they'd first met, not to mention all the uncomfortable conversations she had lured him into since then. He now knew more about his master's sexual preferences, Lin's menopausal symptoms, and a juvenile Tai Lung's massive collection of erotic fiction than he _ever_ needed to know. So when Lin specifically sought him out for a conversation, it was guaranteed to be anything but good. But he seemed to have somehow gotten on her good side, so that was the price he had to pay. He had a feeling it was still a thousand times better than being on her bad side.

"Y'know what I like about you, panda?"

"My name's Po, actually," he corrected. Sometimes he wondered if she even knew his name, or if every time he told her- at least six or seven times _every day_- it just went in one ear and out the other.

"You're honest," she answered for him, ignoring the correction as usual. "Even when you know it'll getya in trouble, you're still honest. And you know what that says about you?"

"Uhm-"

"You got _integrity_." She gave him a slap on the back along with that, as if she were congratulating him for apparently having integrity. "And I like integrity, got a little bit of it myself." As they walked out onto the grounds she paused and took a look around, then turned and headed for the peach tree. "So I'm hoping you'll be up to telling me what I wanna know."

"Where... Where're we going?" he asked, though he doubted she would tell him.

"And if you do tell me what I wanna know," she continued, ignoring every word out of his mouth, "it'll really help me out a lot. Y'see, today's my first day living _and_ working here in the Valley of Peace, and ifya tell me what I wanna hear, that'll just be my cherry on top."

"Wait- whaddaya mean 'living?'" He'd been under the impression- Master Shifu had given him _and_ the Furious Five the impression- that Lin was only a visitor.

"Now I've done a little research on my own already, asked around a little. I don't wanna make waves up here at the Jade Palace, what with Shifu... Being the way he is."

"You're _living_ here? As in _here_ here?"

"Lemme be blunt," she said, and he wondered if she hadn't already considered herself blunt, how much worse what she was about to say would be. "I heard after you defeated Tai Lung, there was no body to speak of. Is that right?"

"Wait... Body?"

"As in a dead body," she clarified.

"...A dead body," he repeated, completely stunned by the question. "Why... Why would we need a dead body?"

"Listen, panda, where I come from no body means no crime."

"No _crime?_" he asked nervously.

"I meant death," she corrected, seemingly unconcerned by the mix-up. "Anyway, even if you _do_ got a body, people're resilient. Life'll find a way. That's why you gotta double tap."

"Double what?" While Po generally had faith in the goodness of people, the conversation was starting to give him doubts about Lin.

"You gotta _make sure_," she explained with a matronly pat on the arm. "Well, I guess kung fu warriors don't do that kinda stuff. Honor and all."

"When did you-"

"Anyway, the point is you can't assume Tai Lung's dead if you got no body," she interrupted sternly. "Y'know how many people've died making the same mistake you did?"

"No, how many?" he asked, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Whadda I look like, some kinda death abacus?" she snapped. "Anyway, that's all I really wanted to talk to you about... Wait. One more thing."

He hesitated to ask, because quite frankly he didn't want to know. Yet she was a guest at the Jade Palace and he didn't want to be rude... Though he doubted she would care if he were. "...Okay," he finally accepted, readying himself to cover his ears should he need to.

"Just between you and me," she began, which was a bad sign, "whaddaya think my chances are? Y'know, with the old man."

Through some miracle, he managed to keep his gag reflex under control. "Why're you asking _me?_"

"'Cause you're the one who helped him be at peace and crap. I thought you'd know."

Po could only stare at the old woman. He could barely even believe she'd asked him such a... _Personal_ question. "I, uhm... I dunno. I dunno what Shifu... I just dunno. I mean, if anyone knows him, uhm, _in that way_, it's you."

"You mean there's no one else who knows him 'in that way'?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at the information.

"Not that I ever heard of." He really hoped the conversation ended soon. "...Can I go now?"

"Begone," she dismissed with a wave of her hand, adopting a pensive expression as she continued to walk, oblivious to his presence the moment she'd spoken the word.

Po would have wondered what that had all been about, if even a small part of him had wanted to know. However, he'd only known Lin for a few days and already he'd learned that whenever it came to her, it was best not to ask. And to be perfectly honest, when it came to her love life (and his master's) he _really_ did _not_ want to ask. At all. Ever. Well, he could see how some guys could be into the whole "tough broad" thing, but he was more a fan of... Normal people. And he couldn't believe he'd even thought that.

What he actually needed to think about was Lin's cryptic warning- that no body meant no death. He'd assumed, since they had heard neither hide nor hair from Tai Lung in the months ensuing their battle, that the snow leopard had simply... Disintegrated. He'd assumed that he had killed Tai Lung, however uncomfortable he remained with the idea of outright killing someone. After all, he hadn't _meant _to kill the temperamental feline, even if it would have been for the greater good. But as much as he hoped Tai Lung was alive for the sake of his own conscience, he sincerely doubted it was possible. If no one had been able to find even a trace of Tai Lung, then the Wuxi finger hold would've had to have blasted him miles away. And not even someone as tough as the Master of a Thousand Scrolls could survive something like that. Besides, Tai Lung had some serious anger management issues- surely if he'd survived their battle he would've shown up for revenge by now. If nothing else, that simple fact alone stood as evidence that the Valley was safe.

* * *

Viper couldn't help but yawn as she slithered from the training hall- Shifu had definitely stepped up their training (especially Po's), yet it had been months since they'd received word of anything even bordering on a crisis. As happy as she was that such slow business meant people were safe, she was still bored as hell- as were her fellow masters. Tigress in particular seemed to have a lot of pent-up aggression that needed release, and the Jade Palace could only afford so many repairs. Luckily, she had convinced the feline to leave the training hall before sunset so they could catch up with the others for dinner. "Today was brutal," she commented, mainly just to get Tigress talking.

"Nothing we can't handle," she grunted back.

Viper suppressed a frustrated sigh and tried another conversation-starter. "I heard Master Shifu received a letter from a suitor for you. Whatever happened with that?"

"I burned it," she replied shortly.

As much as Viper cared for her fellow master, sometimes she just wanted to strangle her. The woman had barely said a word to her all week, and spent nearly every waking moment training. "That must have been a nice fire."

"Yes, very warm." Tigress glanced down at her, clearly confused. "...Is there something to want to tell me?"

"I was about to say the same to you," she shot back. "You've been so quiet lately, I can barely squeeze a word out of you! Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," Tigress replied, which inevitably meant the opposite.

"Are you frustrated that we haven't had any calls to duty lately?" Viper pressed, intent on getting the problem out in the open.

"No more than anyone else," she answered evenly. "It'll be fine. We always get through the lulls."

"How are things with Master Shifu?" She knew it was a sensitive topic for the tiger, but she'd been concerned and she was certain she could offer help.

Tigress, rather than answer the question, merely pursed her lips.

"Things will get better," she reassured, sensing she'd hit the bullseye. "You know how Master Shifu is. He's trying, he just needs more time to get used to the idea of opening up and being close to you."

"Close to _me_," Tigress suddenly growled.

"That's what I said."

"That's it, isn't it?" she went on, clenching her hands into fists. "It's me. The panda's here for barely three months and Master Shifu's already treating him like his best friend- like a son, even. And that friend of his, that annoying old woman- you saw them this morning. They practically finished each other's sentences. So it must be _me_, right? He just can't get used to being close to _me_."

Viper, of course, knew Tigress's fight to be closer to their master had begun the moment Shifu had adopted her. Anyone who knew the woman could see it. What Viper didn't know was how personally her friend had been taking Shifu's growing bonds with other people around her. "You could just tell all this to Master Shifu," she suggested, knowing full well the perfectly sound advice would get shot down.

"Absolutely not," Tigress predictably answered. "I am not going to crawl on my hands and knees begging for him to pay attention to me, Viper. I have _some_ dignity left."

"It's not really the same thing, but okay," she sighed. She knew how stubborn and contrary Tigress could be, and experience told her that the more she pushed the idea the more her friend would resist it. "Just... Smile. Smile at Master Shifu, at least. Trust me, it'll do a world of good."

"I'll think about it." Tigress suddenly picked up her pace and turned around, heading instead toward the Hall of Heroes.

"Where are you going?" Viper called after her.

"I just realized that I haven't studied the scrolls in far too long," she tossed out over her shoulder. "I'll eat on my own time."

Viper watched her go, shaking her head in disappointment. Tigress was a powerful woman- both in body and in spirit- yet when she was bothered by an emotional problem, all she could do was run away and hide from it. And advice from a trusted confidant could only go so far, unfortunately. While the serpentine master hated to see her friend in such turmoil, she couldn't do much more than what she'd already done. She would just have to wait and hope that Tigress and Master Shifu were able to resolve their issues on their own.

Though she had to admit, she _had_ expected Master Shifu to be more at peace once the Dragon Warrior had been chosen and... Well, brought peace to him. All she could really tell was that Master Shifu was under a lot of stress- stress to train Po and get more experience under the young panda's belt, stress to live up to Master Oogway's legacy, stress to keep the Furious Five from losing confidence and motivation due to the deadly combination of a loss of interest in them (who needed five regular warriors when the Dragon Warrior was one ultimate warrior?) and lack of actual conflict to resolve, and finally stress heaped on him from his visitor.

Speaking of whom, the old dog appeared to be sitting out on the front porch of the barracks, smoking a pipe with a long, straight stem and a wide, shallow bowl. Viper remembered her father owning a similar one, though he'd never smoked nearly as much as this woman did. "Hello, Lin," she greeted courteously as she approached, bowing her head in deference to an elder.

"Yeah, hey," Lin grumbled, removing the pipe from her mouth to breathe out a giant puff of smoke.

"I didn't see you around much today." Viper could only guess what had caused their guest's foul mood (probably another fight with Shifu).

"I hate children," she replied inexplicably. "I mean, I can stand one or two at a time. But when they get into big groups like that I _really_ hate 'em. Makes me wanna reach up my cooch and tear out my own uterus."

"Um..." Viper honestly didn't know where to take the conversation from there. "That's too bad," she settled on.

"Thanks, I guess," Lin sighed, then offered up the pipe. "Wanna give'er a try?"

"I'm good," she declined, then headed into the barracks for dinner.

"Wait a minute," Lin stopped her, "I got a favor to ask."

Viper supposed it was only polite to grant a favor to a guest of Master Shifu's, even if he did not get along with said guest at all. "Of course."

"Tell ol' Pudge in there that if he doesn't get around to telling the lot of you that I actually _live_ here now, I will. And it won't be pretty." She then leaned back against the side of the barracks and stuck her pipe back in her mouth.

"...Can do," Viper answered, blinking in shock as she slithered into the building. What Lin had just said to her had been about the last thing she would have expected. What she _had_ expected was a request for more towels in the bathhouse, or maybe a request for Master Shifu to join her out on the porch. She could barely believe what she'd actually heard instead- that their master had invited someone to live in the Jade Palace not only without discussing it with any of his students first, but without even _telling_ them- and after said person had moved in, no less! Of course, Lin could be quite the joker, so she supposed it was possible the old woman was just pulling her tail. She couldn't be certain until she delivered the message to Master Shifu and saw his reaction. There was one thing she _could_ be certain of, though.

Master Shifu was in _a lot_ of trouble.

* * *

A/N: Please, Chen, tell us how you _really_ feel. :P Anyway... Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this! And hopefully this won't be too elaborate of an undertaking for me. (Even if it is, I don't have anything better to do with my free time). And before I forget, "double tap" was a reference to Zombieland, an entertaining movie for those who enjoy zombies and Bill Murray.

As for next time, I promise more of the Furious Five and more interaction between Lin and Shifu. And, of course, we will hear Lin's thoughts on everything.


	2. What Is Food to One May Be Fierce Poison

A/N: Phew! It took me a while to get this out, but it _is_ a pretty long chapter and we get a few new POVs introduced... Including Lin's first POV of the fic! Which was actually supposed to be in the first chapter, but I moved it back. Anyway, I'll save the rest of my comments for the end of the chapter- and trust me, there are tons of them.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 2: What Is Food To One May Be Fierce Poison To Others

* * *

The Indian sun had never been known for its gentleness or mildness. The sun in India was hot, unrelenting, and devastating. It could cause draughts and fires, could even kill a person if he was careless enough. The sun was a burning hot ball of flame, and it was neither gentle nor mild. Anyone who entered the subcontinent thinking anything else was either completely ignorant or completely stupid.

But just because Rahim had been born in India and understood that undeniable fact, didn't mean he didn't resent it every moment of every day. Or at the very least wish he could receive an assignment to a slightly cooler climate. After all, in the cold one could always add more layers, but in the heat one could only strip off so much. Not to mention the oppressive humidity that came part and parcel with a port city such as Bombay not only clung to his fur and made him feel as though he could barely breath, but also warped the dark wood of his cramped little desk and the bookshelves that lined all his available wall space, and wrinkled the very pages of the books held within. The massive Bengal tiger had already rid himself of the more formal outer layers of his clothing, but unfortunately full nudity remained out of the question while he attended to mountain upon mountain of paperwork in his small office.

He supposed he could try to employ his experience in meditation to rise above worldly discomfort, but he had too much work to do and frankly he didn't care to put so much spiritual effort into beating the heat. One of many reasons, he supposed, that he had never become a yogi. At the very least, though, his office resided in a relatively shady part of the government building, which was filled to the brim with offices for branches that no average person ever paid any attention to (such as the Census Bureau or the Department of Agriculture).

The building, a two-story, nondescript rectangle with precisely one window assigned to each office, held none of the pomp or style of many of the newly-built mansions in the area, mostly occupied by Englishmen who'd sought to expand their fortunes with the aid of such an active port of trade; the city was, after all, known as "the gateway to India," and it had come a long way from the swampy group of islands it had once been. And while the East India Trading Company claimed ownership of the bay area (or rather, rented it from the British Empire), a "native" such as himself was still ideal for a position in diplomatic relations; he knew the culture of Indians and Englishmen alike, as well as the languages- in addition to many others- and... Well, very few people existed who were not impressed by a Bengal tiger. Despite his size and bright orange fur he was pretty good at keeping his head down when he needed to. Some people got into politics to climb ladders and gain power, but only a select few did so. The rest of the government's employees worked tirelessly behind the scenes with no credit and no spotlight. He was one of those workers, and he had absolutely no problem with it. Besides, he'd just reached the middle of his fifties; he didn't need the added stress at his age.

"I swear to God, Rahim, if somebody doesn't do _something_ about those British soon, I'll take care of them myself." A two-foot-tall dog burst through the door across the room from his desk, its curly black fur frizzing comically in the humidity, then dropped a letter on his desk along with a package that he suspected was probably lunch.

"You know, Cristovao, you're awfully uppity for a _Portuguese_ water dog," he pointed out reasonably and opened up the bundle of cloth to find some samosas and green chili chutney inside. "Which, I feel I should also remind you, makes it physically impossible for you to be my mother."

"Us Portuguese were here way before those damn Brits were," his uppity coworker huffed, dropping down into a seat on the other side of his desk with an identical bundle of samosas. "And _we_ at least make an effort to fit in. I mean, have you seen me speak Portuguese or eat Portuguese food or... Or _do_ Portuguese things since we've met?"

"Unless complaining is a Portuguese thing, no." In fact, he sometimes doubted that the canine- born and raised in Bombay- even _knew_ Portuguese.

"But half the British around here don't even speak standard Hindi, let alone Marathi. How are we supposed to do our jobs if we can't even talk to the people who are trying to take over the whole of India from right under our noses?" He finally paused in his rant to shove a samosa into his mouth, shaking his head in frustration as he chewed.

"They're not _trying_," Rahim corrected. "They've succeeded."

"Not yet, they haven't," Cristovao grumbled. "I didn't become a diplomat for nothing."

"You're not a diplomat," he sighed back, then finally gave in to the samosas. "You're my assistant."

"And therefor a diplomat by proxy," the misguided canine reasoned. "Look, I was born here. I may be Portuguese by blood, but my _soul_ is Indian. Just take a whiff of me!"

"No."

"I even _smell_ Indian!"

"Look," Rahim cut him off before he wasted the whole day going on and on about his apparently Indian soul, "no one cares how Indian your soul is, least of all the British. And they _have _won control of a good portion of the country, including Maharashtra. I know, because I was there for the negotiations between the Brits and the Marathas. And if you would get the fur out of your eyes for five seconds, you would notice the British East India Company flags all over the city, which might I add has been under British control ever since the Portuguese _handed it over to Charles II_." He paused to open the letter that Cristovao had brought with the samosas and scanned it.

"Hey!" Cristovao protested, spraying him with crumbs in the process. "You're supposed to be taking a break, remember?"

"There is no such thing as a break in this business," he shot back as he read the letter over again, just to make sure he'd gotten all the details.

"Where're you off to now?" the canine asked, undoubtedly now used to the idea of Rahim traveling anywhere and everywhere the government asked on a moment's notice.

"Bengal." The trip had been a long time coming. He had suspected since the British had first established trading rights with India that he'd soon be negotiating a treaty in the state of his origin. After all, how could the East India Trading Company call itself thus without control of East India? Besides, he'd had plenty of correspondence with his brother in the British trading post of Calcutta, keeping him updated on the political goings on there.

"You don't look surprised," Cristovao pointed out. "More talks with the English, I'm guessing?" His serious tone was somewhat dampened by the sight of him devouring samosas.

"I'm only surprised it didn't come sooner," Rahim sighed, frowning down at the summons. The British East India Company had been present in Bengal for over a century, and it had only been a few months ago that they'd wrestled Chandernagore out of the hands of the French. Now, they had assassinated the Bengal Nawab and installed their own, a move he had anticipated for years. "I'll be out of your fur in two days."

"I know the drill. You go off on a grand adventure while I stay here and handle your mail."

"Glad I can count on you." He knew his trip would be as dangerous as it was frustrating, with the British, French, and Mughals all struggling to gain control of the eastern territory. He also knew he could handle it; after all, he had lived most of his life in a city full of foreign interference and war. "If I don't return, I'm probably dead and you're not allowed to have any of my stuff."

"Your stuff is boring, anyway," Cristovao dismissed as he picked crumbs out of his fur. "Besides, I'm sure everything'll go smoothly. I got a good feeling about this trip."

"That makes one of us," he sighed, resigning himself to cleaning out his desk; his travel papers and official identification were buried somewhere deep within, and he had only two days to find them. "Let's just hope I can make it to retirement."

* * *

"Po, how many times must I tell you before it sinks in to that thick skull of yours?" Shifu paused and attempted to control his frustration, though it didn't do much good. "You are simply stomping on the ground like some sort of angry rhinoceros. You are _supposed_ to be cultivating your chi!" He didn't know why, but he'd assumed that teaching Po in the courtyard of the training hall on such a calm, sunny day would help keep his temper at bay.

"Aw, c'mon, Master," the panda replied, treating his training with the same flippant attitude he'd had since day one. "I'm the Dragon Warrior! I'm sure I'll get the hang of _Dragon_ style, I just need more practice."

"Then stop talking at me and _practice_," Shifu snapped, frowning at the way his student grinned at him, as if not taking his words seriously. "Wipe that stupid grin off your face," he ground out. "You may smile once you have so completely mastered the basics of kung fu that you are able to perform them in your _sleep_."

Po began practicing the zig-zagging footwork of Dragon style, which was not bad considering he'd only begun learning the style that morning. The panda seemed to understand the footwork and sixteen basic movements, yet when it came to cultivating his chi through a combination of breath control and physical movement, all he could manage to do was... Well, as Shifu had pointed out, stomp on the ground.

Shifu wondered, and not for the first time, if Po's defeat of Tai Lung had been a fluke; he sincerely hoped not. Yet to see Po struggle with something that Tai Lung, at half his age, had been able to master in mere days was disheartening. He stopped himself right there and reminded himself not to compare the present to the past, and certainly to not make the monumental mistake of comparing any of his students to Tai Lung ever again. "Try to remember to shift your weight, Po," he sighed, though it didn't help much.

"Y'know, I think I'm gettin' the hang of this," Po commented obliviously and it was all Shifu could do to keep from snapping at him.

Perhaps, he thought, it would be best for him to spend some time in meditation, and return to his teaching with a refreshed mind. "Stop," he ordered, and was pleased at least that Po had learned enough to stand at attention and listen to him. "Now, squat and hold your position."

The panda did as he was told, albeit with a surreptitious grab at the back of his pants in an attempt to pull them up.

"Lower."

With a grunt of effort, Po managed to widen his stance and squat a little lower.

"Remember your breathing," Shifu instructed. "Keep your inward breath silent, calm. Your exhalation, however, should be deliberate, tense, and controlled." He turned to head toward the Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom in the hopes that the sacred place would help him clear his head.

"How long should I hold this?" Po called out after him, voice already strained from effort.

"Until I get back." He didn't bother glancing back at his student's expression of horror. He felt too distracted for it to cheer him up.

Of course he had been distracted all morning; after all, he'd been avoiding an important issue. And the longer he waited to address it, the more worried he became that it would blow up in his face. He had begun to (once again) grow used to Lin's presence at the Jade Palace, though he couldn't necessarily say the same for his students- mainly because he had yet to tell them of her residence there. Perhaps they would surprise him and take the news better than he thought. He rolled his eyes just thinking it; and maybe he'd live twice as long as his late master had, compiling in the process a comparable amount of wisdom, too.

He wondered if Lin would even be around to back him up (or at least take some of the blame) when he did break the news. He'd hardly seen her at all since her arrival, save for the few times she went out of her way to irritate him. According to her, she had been working most of the time, though she hadn't told him the specific nature of said work- as if that surprised him. He knew it must have something to do with art, but honestly, how many different ways could she possibly apply her talent to earning a living? There was portraiture, which she seemed to hate quite intensely. And then there was scroll painting, though he had no idea how she felt about that particular practice. And in two guesses he had exhausted every possibility he could think of. He was confused, to say the least, and to be honest he couldn't even be sure if he could trust Lin; not that he thought she posed any threat, but despite her claims to the contrary he wasn't laboring under the assumption that she'd spend the rest of her life in the Valley of Peace. She certainly hadn't retired, as she'd told him she had. Unfortunately, he found that he couldn't ruminate further in his favorite spot under the peach tree, for it was already occupied.

Shifu blinked as he observed something both shocking and amazing: Lin was sitting under the peach tree, meditating. Upon closer inspection he found that she sat in full lotus position, her forearms resting on her knees and her hands open, palms turned up. She looked like she actually knew what she was doing, which was what shocked him most of all about the discovery.

Then, without looking at him or opening her eyes, she said, "Yo."

He pinched the bridge of his nose at the greeting; he should have known she was just trying to make fun of him. "Get up," he sighed.

"No can do," she replied, remaining in position. "You're already interrupting me enough as it is- I wanted a good three hours up here before dinner, y'know."

"Wait- you are _actually_ meditating?"

"Yeah, what's it look like?"

"That is not the point. You don't have a spiritual bone in your body!" He found it hard to believe in her sincerity, yet she didn't seem to be joking.

"Shows how well you know me," she pointed out. "I happen to be a yogini, and a practitioner of Tantra."

"Don't tell me what that means-"

"Y'know, like tantric sex," she interrupted. "Among other things."

"I _told you_ not to tell me!" he snapped back as his eye began to twitch.

"I musta not heardya," she tossed flippantly over her shoulder.

"Of _course_ not." While he was aware that she had hardly lived a chaste life in the past thirty-three years, he also did not want to hear all the intimate details. He had not mellowed _that_ much since Po's arrival. "Do you think that just once you could attempt to respect my wishes?"

"Nah." She finally opened her eyes and turned around to grin at him.

"You forgot to put your teeth in," he pointed out at the sight of the obvious gap on the right side of her mouth; she had yet to tell him how she'd lost every tooth to the right of her canines, although he doubted he'd enjoy such a story.

"I meditate better without 'em," she shot back, though she turned away a little too quickly to suit her nonchalance. "So what'd you want?"

"I simply wanted to ask you what you plan to do here for... Well, for the rest of your life."

"The usual." She followed up her vague response with a shrug. "Why?"

"I was just wondering." He paused, waiting for her to say something a bit more descriptive. "...Are you going to tell me what 'the usual' entails?"

"You'll see for yourself in time," she sighed as she slowly uncrossed her legs, then stood up. "It's all part of getting to know me."

"I can't say I expected any insight from you," he admitted.

"But why should we just come out and tell each other all this stuff at once?" she reasoned. "It's so much more fun to learn it all gradually." She stepped forward in a deep lunge, her hands in a prayer position. "Now, wanna open up your hips with me? It helps with the joints."

"No thank you." He realized that his tone was a little flat, but he was annoyed by her lack of information and, as it had always been, by her attitude.

She raised her hands high over her head and leaned back, essentially looking at him upside down- how her tail didn't get in the way, he had no idea. "Suit yourself. If you change your mind, y'know where I'll be all day."

"At least it will be easy to avoid you," he huffed as he turned to go.

"Wish I could say the same to you," she shot back. "Unfortunately, you always manage to find me."

"As always, you charm me." With that he walked away, lest she cajole him any more. He could not for the life of him understand why she insisted on constantly teasing him. Their conversations as of late usually didn't last much longer than that most recent stint, and it had been extremely tame compared to most of their interactions. He realized that he tended to get annoyed by her much more quickly than he should, but he couldn't help but feel as though she did not take a single moment they spent together seriously. He shouldn't have expected any different, of course; when had she ever taken anything involving him seriously? Her attitude still irritated him to no end, though, no matter how in character it was. He found even being in her presence at all stressful, before any words were exchanged between them. Perhaps it was unfair of him to be so on edge, but he'd concluded the cause was the usual concern of her recent move-in. Not to mention he wasn't entirely sure if he could trust her not to bolt from the valley at any moment; she had set a precedent, after all. Nevertheless, he made a promise to himself to make more of an attempt at civility when they next spoke. After all, he had agreed to get to know her again and he hadn't been lying when he'd said he wanted to do just that. He just wished there was some way it could all be... Easier.

And of course, when one aspect of his life became frustrating, it was only natural for all else to follow. On top of Po's struggle with Dragon style, his two female students had been acting strangely. Viper kept giving him strange looks- _suspicious_ looks- and had mentioned once or twice telling him something important, though he'd admittedly been too distracted by everything else already on his plate to listen to her concerns. He had yet to confront her about it, but he had a feeling she suspected Lin was more than just a guest. And for some strange reason Tigress kept grimacing at him. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why; he'd checked his appearance, checked for body odor, even searched his surroundings, but he could never find what it was that Tigress kept grimacing at. Perhaps she had been training too hard, and was in pain.

He longed for the simpler times of his youth, when the biggest thing he had to worry about was whether or not he'd survive his next battle. At this rate, he didn't even know if he'd be able to survive his next _meal_. He hoped he'd manage to get through the week, but if Lin tried to feed him curry at any point... He'd be a dead man. Not for the first time in the past couple of weeks, he wished fervently that he had died young, in a blaze of glory. Instead, he faced death by curry or burst aneurysm in old age. He sincerely hoped that he would at least have the dignity of passing on from cranial bleeding. The curry option was just too disgusting to think about.

* * *

Chen tapped his fingers on the top of his studio's work table, large enough to accommodate someone the size of a bear, mainly to account for the large format of his usual painting. He sat cross-legged on the tabletop, glaring out at the giant room, original work by himself and other artists covering every possible part of the walls, while a few shelves in the far corner contained scrolls of whatever artwork would not fit on the walls. One ink painting in particular held his attention: a paper that had been covered in black ink; the artist had then dripped clean water onto the still-wet ink at a spot toward the bottom of the paper, repelling the blackness and revealing the creamy white of the page. Quan had created the work, during the first lesson Chen had ever given her, when he had shown her a lantern in the middle of the night and told her to paint it as quickly as possible. He had realized the moment she'd created the painting that his instincts about her had been right. His instincts had been spot-on back then; now, he was not so sure.

"Brooding again, I see." Of course, Yan-Yan chose that exact moment to interrupt his solitary contemplation. "Just like the dark yet ultimately altruistic hero you truly are." She was clearly making fun of him as she walked into the room and dropped into the chair beside his desk with an exhausted sigh.

"Whaddaya want?" He'd known when he'd offered the Balinese cat a place to live that she would spend the majority of her time interrupting his solitude and invading his privacy, but that didn't make it any less annoying.

"Besides my life back?" she replied, feigning nonchalance.

"You got a life," he pointed out, resisting the urge to call her spineless and whiny- to be honest, she'd earned the right to whine a little bit. "You got what's important."

"A grumpy old man, a convicted felon, and two out of three children on speaking terms with me?" She leaned back against the desk as she eyed the same painting he'd just been studying. "It sure as hell isn't much, but I guess it's better than pretending I don't care at all while I sit alone in the dark, wishing I could travel back in time to change the way I treated the people I care about."

Chen frowned at the astute observation, but didn't deny it; he'd been called out, and he was mature enough to accept it. "I was gonna hafta write that letter sooner or later, might as well tell her about the big lug, too."

"He clearly remembers her well," Yan-Yan pointed out, reminding him of Tai Lung's averse reaction to Quan's involvement in any way, shape, or form to his rehabilitation. "Tell me again about how she's got arthritis and lost half her teeth so I can relish the vengeance," she added.

"It ain't healthy to hold a grudge," Chen reminded her, though he felt like a huge hypocrite for doing so- he couldn't even count the number of grudges he himself held.

"It's not so much a grudge as a healthy sense of justice," she replied, her voice deceptively lacking malice. "One does tend to feel that way after being lied to and left in the dust. Then again, that simply seems to be the story of my life."

"No it ain't," he sighed, irritated that he had to once again remind her of the fact; he understood that she'd only recently been betrayed and turned out by her own husband, and that it would take a while for her to get over it, but the least she could do was get over it without talking to him about it all the time. "I ain't ever lied to you, and I ain't ever left you in the dust."

"You sort of lied to me about Quan secretly being a woman," she pointed out. "You helped perpetuate the lie that she was a man, which is the same thing as straight-up lying."

"Besides that one lie," he corrected. "And it doesn't really count, anyway. You were a teenager at the time and teenagers ain't real people."

"Your affection for children is inspiring, it truly is." She smiled as she tore her gaze away from the wall to look down at him. "But you are right. You're the only person I could ever really count on."

The warmth of her smile coupled with the nostalgia of their conversation briefly reminded him of a time four decades ago, when he'd felt for the first time in his life like a parent. When that painting of the lantern in the dark had first been completed, and brown eyes had stared down at him, begging for approval. When a simple nod of his head had received a reaction just like that warm smile, and he'd known for sure that the person sitting before him was so much more than a student.

"There's still a problem we haven't discussed." Yan-Yan's voice snapped him out of his memories, and he tried not to look too much like he'd drifted off. "What are we going to write?"

"Good point." He narrowed his eyes as he contemplated precisely what to put into the letter. "I guess a good place to start is 'Dear Quan.'"

"But doesn't she call herself Lin now?"

"Why d'you always gotta be difficult?" he snapped as he pushed himself to his feet and began pacing to help him think. "I think I'll send a letter to Wei-Shan, too."

"You think he'd really come all the way back to Shanghai for something like this?" she asked critically, and she had a good point; Wei-Shan generally didn't like to get involved in anyone's matters besides his own unless he absolutely had no choice.

But Chen knew that if he asked Wei-Shan would still come. "He'll get his ass over here, just like Quan will. I just gotta figure out a way to hide the crucial details. We don't want anyone who doesn't need to know learning about our guest."

"And then what?" As usual, Yan-Yan couldn't help but bust his chops. "You'll all just sit around and talk about what to do with the big lug?"

"Basically." He paused to look at the feline, surprised to see genuine concern in her expression. "What, you actually care what happens to the idiot?"

"He _is_ my patient," she pointed out. "Though I'd like him a lot better if he'd needed surgery."

"Easy to please as ever, I see."

"If you're so indifferent, I don't see why you picked him up off the side of the road to begin with." She looked at him as if she expected an actual answer from him, but then kept talking. "In any case, whatever we do, we'd better do it fast. Once our friend upstairs recovers more fully, I get the sneaking suspicion he'll reject our hospitality."

"Well, keep being nice to him," Chen grumbled as he wondered for about the thousandth time why he even bothered getting involved in the first place. "Maybe he'll feel compelled to stick around." He hopped to the edge of his desk and picked up a brush. "Now help me out with this damn letter."

* * *

"I'm kinda freaking out," Lin sighed, though she kept her eyes closed. "Not that I expect an answer." She didn't know why she bothered speaking to begin with; she knew that Oogway couldn't hear her. Oogway was dead, after all. Not that she didn't believe that people had spirits which lived on after their bodies. Oogway had ascended, after all; he'd become one with the universe in the most literal sense possible. That didn't mean he could answer her or understand her, or even hear her- or maybe he _could_ somehow; she had never confessed to understand what lay beyond death. She only had what any other living person had: belief, based entirely on guesses and speculation. From what she could tell, though, Oogway had imprinted strongly on the peach tree while alive- he'd loved the place, and that spiritual connection had survived, and probably always would. And while she still had her doubts about his consciousness, she could still feel him; and it wasn't like Oogway had ever done much more than listen anyway. "I'm trying too hard, aren't I?"

A gentle breeze kicked up and rustled through the tree's leaves.

"I know, I am. I just... Is it pathetic that I'm afraid he won't like me anymore?"

The wind picked up a little more, and if she didn't know any better she'd say the rustling of the leaves sounded a lot like laughter.

She shook her head and laughed as she answered for Oogway. "Probably." She possessed enough of a critical eye to see how ridiculous her insecurities were. After all, who in her right mind worried that a man who had accepted her into his home _disliked_ her? Although, there _was_ Shifu's altruistic side to consider; he could have let her live there out of some sense of duty. She found herself second guessing herself and his actions almost daily, sometimes even becoming _nervous_ around him. And she hadn't been nervous around a man (one who wasn't trying to kill her, anyway) since... Well, since she'd first met Shifu to begin with. She felt pretty damn pathetic for it, too. It was downright miraculous that she had managed to make it through fifty-five years of life- hers in particular- and still possess even a droplet of insecurity. "Guess that's mortality and the human condition forya," she sighed to herself, then uncrossed her legs and leaned forward to stretch out her back.

She had more pressing matters which required her attention, anyway. For one, Tai Lung was alive; she felt sure that he'd survived the Wuxi finger hold. After all, she'd spoken to several people down in the village about the incident, and they'd all had the same thing to say: a ring of golden dust had burst forth from the site of the battle, rushing over the Valley. And aside from the property damage the two warriors had inflicted on the village, there had been no visible signs of carnage. That first clue alone was enough to tip her off; she'd seen people get blown to bits, and it sure as hell didn't look anything like that. If a person were to be disintegrated, the resulting mist would at the very least be some sort of _pink_ hue. Nobody's blood and guts were _golden_. Well, maybe certain species of insect, but that wasn't the point. The point was, this indicated that Tai Lung had remained (at least relatively) whole.

Meaning someone would've had to have found the body eventually. Except that it had been months since his defeat, yet no one had run across a body- not so much as a dismembered limb. And it wasn't like Tai Lung's was a body one could easily miss; he was twice the size of most of the Valley's residents, covered in spots, and wore purple trousers. However, if he'd survived, he could have hidden while he recovered from his injuries and planned out his next move. Then there was the last piece of evidence, though she had to admit that even _she_ felt a little skeptical about it. Still, crazier things existed in the world.

Tai Lung had grown up in the Jade Palace. He had eaten his meals in the very kitchen where she used to cook, he had trained in the training hall, he had studied in the Hall of Heroes, and most importantly he had felt the love of a family, as well as the bitterness of disappointment and the anguish of betrayal. And as she had learned over the years, places tended to tell stories, to practically vibrate with the emotions people had left behind. In short, Tai Lung had imprinted on the place, just as Oogway had. Unlike Oogway, however, she couldn't _feel_ him.

As she sat up, she snorted at how ridiculous it sounded, even in her own mind. Yet, when she had meditated that day, when her mind and spirit had drifted free from her body, she'd been filled with an overwhelming sense of joy. And once she had gotten used to that, there had been other feelings- there had been a calmness, one that came from knowing that the machinations of the universe were too complex and too chaotic to be controlled or disputed. There had been pride, not just in the kung fu warriors residing in the Jade Palace, but in all the people of the Valley. And of course there had been love. And they had all been Oogway, she could tell- not that Oogway, being a thousand years old and a spiritual master, would be a difficult presence to sense. But she could tell because, while those with more experience or more inclination to the spiritual workings of the world could feel out the living, she could not. The body simply got in the way too much- a person's sense of individuality, of separateness from the expanse of _everything_ got in the way. It was easier to feel the dead, because what she was feeling was essentially the universe itself.

She'd heard stories, of course, of spiritual masters who had reached enlightenment, capable of becoming one with everyone and everything in the universe- seeing as it all was one to begin with, anyway. But to reach enlightenment meant to feel the sentiment "all is one and one is all" within every fiber of a person's being. She had no doubt that this belief had been the source of the legend of the Dragon Warrior being able to "feel the universe in motion around him." She couldn't do all that herself- she wasn't exactly the spiritually enlightened type. She _had_ occasionally felt as one with the universe, though it had taken a lot of effort to forget all the universe's bullshit before she'd even gotten close- and most of that effort had involved the karma sutra. Sometimes, if she meditated with enough focus, she could even feel close to the spirit of a dead person, as creepy as that was. She still had difficulty even with that, though, which was why she'd sought out help from significant places and things like the sacred peach tree.

Yet she didn't feel anything from Tai Lung, not anywhere on the entire grounds. She should have by now, if he were truly dead. He could have simply not imprinted on any place in the Jade Palace, but she refused to believe that. So she _knew_ that he had to be alive, but there remained the problem of what to do with that knowledge. The obvious answer would be to tell Shifu, except for the problem of Shifu himself; she doubted he'd believe that Tai Lung was alive just because she had a feeling (or rather, lack thereof). She had no physical proof of her theory, and if she couldn't tell Shifu then she definitely couldn't tell anyone else.

With a sigh, she turned her gaze up into the gently swaying leaves of the peach tree. "Y'know, Oogway, you'd be real useful to have around right about now. Well, to have around _in the flesh_, anyway." She then fished her pipe out of her belt- the mahogany calabash she had inherited- and began stuffing tobacco into it. "Even _you'd_ be better 'an nothing right about now," she directed at the thing before lighting it and puffing on it. "Still good at helping me think, anyway," she grumbled as she folded her legs into lotus position once more and closed her eyes.

Unfortunately, despite the copious spiritual energy of the sacred peach tree there to help her, she found herself unable to forget her worldly concerns this time around. There was just too much on her mind, too much to worry about, and her worries held her firmly in the here and now like weights tethered to her body- not to mention her ass kept itching like a bitch. Eventually, she burned through all the tobacco in her pipe and took it as a sign to step away from her meditation for the time being. What she needed, she thought to herself as she cleaned out and put away her pipe, was a distraction. And no sooner than she had thought it, a very welcome distraction appeared.

"So how was your meditation?" Shifu stood at the top of the steps behind her, one eyebrow raised in clear skepticism.

Lin resisted the urge to grin like a maniac at the fact that Shifu had come looking for her again. "It was pretty good," she hummed contentedly. "You should try it some time."

"Very funny," he grumbled back, crossing his arms. "You have apparently come a long way from not even knowing _how_ to meditate in the first place."

"I sure as hell don't need scented candles to do it," she jabbed, amused by his irritated frown. "But then again, when I meditate it's 'cause I got a reason for it, not 'cause my anxiety disorder is slowly driving me insane."

He didn't seem to amused by her remark, but surprisingly enough he let it go and moved on with the conversation. "I simply came to inform you that Po has made some noodle soup for dinner, if you would like to join us."

"I don't think your students'll wanna eat with me," she pointed out as she stood up and wiped the grass off her behind. "Normally I don't care about that kinda thing, but I get the feeling that in this instance I should attempt to be diplomatic."

"If that is how you feel, I cannot change your mind," he conceded, unexpectedly enough. "Though _I_ would like to eat with you."

As innocuous as the statement seemed, Lin still caught herself blushing like a young girl with her first crush. "Yeesh, you don't gotta beg. That's just pathetic."

"So you will eat with us, I gather?"

"One condition," she amended.

"What is that?"

"Follow me." She set off down the steps, and she didn't even need to look back to know that he'd followed her.

"Does this mean you are going to tell me something important about yourself or your mysterious past?" he asked hopefully, which she couldn't help but laugh at. "I suppose that is a 'no.'"

"Hm," she teased as she turned at the fork in the path back to the barracks, and instead headed toward the Hall of Heroes. "Perhaps, perhaps not."

"If you are attempting to be enigmatic, it is not working," he huffed, though she could tell from the way he sped up as he followed her that he was indeed intrigued by her vague answers.

"I'm just having a little fun," she responded, and fell back a little to walk side by side with him as she assessed him critically. He'd seemed stressed out lately, not that it wasn't completely in character for him. He seemed more frazzled than usual, though, and it worried her- not that he didn't have plenty to feel stress over. He _had_ only months ago fought against his own estranged son and then lost him, not to mention had lost the man who was, for all intents and purposes, his father- and then had been faced with the overwhelming task of taking his place. "So, just outta curiosity, you ever gonna accept your title?"

"What title?" He raised his large eyebrows at her, apparently suspicious of the question.

"Y'know, Grand Master of Kung Fu." She figured she may as well ask him about the subject; maybe he needed someone to talk to about it.

"How do you know I have not done so yet?" he shot back.

"Y'don't got Oogway's staff," she pointed out.

"It is broken," he answered shortly.

"You can't fix it?"

He didn't reply to the question, and instead fell into a sullen silence.

"Never mind," she sighed, sensing that she'd hit a sore spot with him- maybe it wasn't the best subject to broach after all. "Just making conversation."

He remained silent for another beat, then said, "I know you don't want any comparisons or references to the past, but... You are still a know-it-all."

She snorted at the jab, relieved he hadn't been too offended by her questions. "Hey, it ain't _my_ fault I know everything. The world is my teacher, so blame it." She let out a short cackle at the joke, but Shifu didn't seem quite as amused.

"What is it you wanted to show me, anyway?"

"B'sides my vaj?" she asked, causing him to turn bright red and start to sputter.

"Wha- you- _no_. How can you be so vulgar?"

"That wasn't even that bad," she dismissed as they approached the Hall of Heroes, still as opulent and magnificent as the first time she'd seen it. "You need to learn to loosen up."

"No, I do not," he argued. "_You_ are the one who needs to learn some decorum."

"Ah, you're right," she agreed with a grin. "It'd be no fun for me if you loosened up- it wouldn't be so easy to teaseya." She stopped just inside the doorway of the hall to take in the high ceilings, the carved pillars, the many kung fu artifacts, and of course the Moon Pool.

"You realize that I have been to the Hall of Heroes many times already," Shifu bitched, and she couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I know." Lin briefly wondered if it was even worth speaking to him, but then as slow on the uptake as he was, he did usually get the point... Eventually. "C'mon, I'm gonna showya something."

"I assure you I have already seen it," he groused, but still followed her to the end of the hall, where she paused to take a look at the moon pool; as always, peach petals floated on the surface, undoubtedly Shifu's work. "The moon pool?" he asked.

"Nope," she replied simply, then turned to her right and walked out onto the large balcony that hung over the valley, the view stretching out into the mist.

"I have seen the valley already," he informed her, still with an uppity tone.

"Thanks for the newsflash," she shot back. "I couldn'ta deduced that myself or anything."

"Then why was it so important to show me this?"

"You've seen the valley, _clearly,_" she answered, "but you ever just stop and _look_ anymore?"

"Is there a point to this attempt at generic wisdom?"

"Just shut up and look," she sighed, tired of his attitude; she hadn't realized when she returned that he'd gotten even bitchier over the years rather than mellowing with age like most people, but those were the breaks, she supposed.

It took him about five seconds to ask a stupid question. "What am I looking for, now?"

"Oh, for the love of- d'you wanna stop busting my balls for a minute and just enjoy the view? Is that so much to ask, or should I let you crawl back under the rock where you been living?"

"Very well, you don't need to bite my head off," he grumbled, then crossed his arms and glared out at the village, fields, and forests all clearly visible before them.

"And don't sulk, you're ruining the atmosphere," she scolded, annoyed at his inability to appreciate the moment.

"I am _not_ sulking, I simply do not get the point of standing here and staring at something I see every day!"

"Just 'cause you see it every day doesn't mean it ain't worth looking at!" she snapped. "I see the sky every night, but that doesn't stop me from looking at the stars! I see _colors_ every day, that doesn't mean I stop looking at something that's blue or yellow or- or _pink_, 'cause I like it!"

"You like pink?" he scoffed.

"That ain't the point!"

"You are overreacting."

"Maybe so, but it's still light out and the moon's already visible, and that doesn't happen all the time. Okay, it happens a lot, but still- the point is that I am attempting to share with you something I find wonder and joy in, but you're acting like you could care less." She ended her admonishment in a grumble, mostly out of embarrassment that she cared so much about his opinion. With a tired sigh, she leaned on the banister that separated them from the sheer drop-off the balcony hung over. "Never mind."

He didn't try to continue the argument- in fact, he didn't say anything at all. Instead he just stood next to her and awkwardly clasped his hands behind his back. After a few agonizing moments of this, he rocked back on his heels and cleared his throat. "I, ahm, am sorry."

"I said never mind," she muttered, still embarrassed. She rubbed at her cheek in an attempt to quell the blush that had begun to rise.

"No, no," he insisted. "I _am_ sorry. The moon _is_ lovely when it is out in the daylight. I had never noticed before." He seemed sincere enough- at least, as sincere as he was going to get.

"And it _is_ pretty big tonight," she agreed with a grin. "Almost as big as your head."

"Say what you want about the size of my head," he groused. "At least _I_ do not like the color pink."

"You love it and you know it," she shot back. "B'sides, ain't nothing wrong with pink."

"Everyone knows that it is the sissy of the color wheel." He even acted serious about his teasing, not so much as cracking a smile.

"Hm. And the pink peach petals you scatter on the moon pool every day?"

"Those don't count."

"Sure." She debated with herself on whether to show some physical sign of affection- after all, their relationship was purely platonic and she had no evidence whatsoever that Shifu felt otherwise. She settled on a friendly elbow to the ribs, resisting the urge to laugh when he grunted and rubbed at the spot she'd jabbed. "Y'know what?"

"You just broke two of my ribs?" he guessed.

"Naw." She pushed him a little, earning herself a glare that was about as malignant as her elbowing had been. "I think the stupidly long facial hair suits you."

He furrowed his brow, then settled into a slightly more angry glare. "You are implying that I look stupid?"

"Believe it or not, that was my attempt at a compliment."

"Don't quit your day job."

"That reminds me, I need to do some pretty heavy-duty shopping- pigments, ink, oil, brushes, wood, limestone-"

"You do not need to dictate your entire list to me," he interrupted.

She resisted the urge to throw an insult back at him for his rudeness and settled instead on an exasperated roll of her eyes. "The point is, you wanna join me tomorrow?"

"You need money, don't you?" he asked flatly.

"I only asked you for the pleasure of your company," she sniffed indignantly. "It's not like I need you around in order to spend your money."

"As much as I would enjoy such an excursion," he grumbled with a healthy amount of sarcasm, "I must ask why you think I would even begin to consider emptying my coffers for you."

"You don't got a resident artist at the moment," she pointed out. "Thus, I call dibs."

"You cannot just 'call dibs' on a job here!" Shifu snapped, apparently agitated by her perfectly reasonable demand. "_I_ am the Master of the Jade Palace, and _I_ am the one who decides who does and does not work for me."

"So you're saying you don't think I'm good enough for the position?" She knew it was sort of mean to use such a blatant guilt technique on him, but no matter how the argument had gone, she still would have won- after all, she _was_ the most qualified person for the job. She just wanted to avoid the long argument; besides, she doubted he'd know what she was talking about if she _did_ take the time to point out her qualifications to him.

Shifu's eye twitched uncontrollably as he stared at her, his mouth open and his hands raised as if he were about to reach out and strangle her. Then, he snapped his mouth shut, gulped, and said, "...We had better get you some supplies, then."

"That's the spirit!" She gave him a hearty pat on the back and laughed at the disgruntled expression on his face. "Aw, c'mon. It ain't like you're not getting anything outta this. I'll do posters forya and illustrate scrolls... Maybe I'll even throw in a portrait or two."

"I suppose you will want payment for all of that."

"In the long run it'll probably be cheaper for you to gimme a weekly salary," she pointed out. "A single commission from me'd costya a hefty chunk of gold, even after I giveya a discount."

"And you will most likely ask for a raise every chance you get," he sighed.

"Probably," she agreed, though she didn't see how he could expect anything else when he asked his employees to work for beans. "And don't act so put off. I think you like the idea of being my boss."

"Why would I ever _want_ to be your boss?" he asked, massaging his temple. "Masochistic impulses?"

"The power dynamic getsya off." She watched him turn red and sputter for a bit, simply appreciating the view. She had missed moments like this.

"You- you are _very much_ mistaken," he managed to work out, despite his obvious embarrassment. "And I would appreciate it if you would at least _attempt_ to refrain from jokes and speculation about the more _intimate_ details of my life."

"Yeah, yeah," she agreed dismissively. "Y'know, I'm starting to get hungry."

"Ready to change the subject, I see." He crossed his arms and looked at her sternly, but she wasn't exactly intimidated by him in any way shape or form.

"Just trying to be nice," she pointed out. "If you wanna keep talking about sex, I could go on all night. Well, more like half the night- there's only so much talking I can do before I resort to action." She waggled her eyebrows to drive the point home, but he didn't seem too thrilled by the lecherous come on. She hoped he warmed up to the teasing, for his own sake, since she planned on doing a lot more of it.

"You have absolutely no sense of propriety whatsoever," he informed her uselessly. "The fact that you are allowed out in public, quite frankly, terrifies me."

"That an invitation?" she continued, shooting him the sleaziest grin she could muster.

"Augh," he replied, wrinkling his nose in apparent distaste.

"You want it," she accused, then let out a short bark of laughter at his discomfort. "Aw, c'mon. It was a joke!"

"Hmph." He crossed his arms behind his back, a sure sign that he was about to get serious on her- _more_ serious, anyway. "I _still_ don't see why you felt the need to impart on me a life lesson about appreciating my surroundings."

"Why does everyone and everything always gotta have an ulterior motive with you?" she complained, though he was actually right in this one instance. If he hadn't asked her about it, though, she probably wouldn't have brought it up. "Fine, you got me. This is where Oogway convinced me to tellya I was leaving."

He showed no reaction to the statement, though she could tell he was mulling it over. "May I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me all the questions you want," she replied easily, "so long as you don't expect me to answer each and every one of 'em."

"If you had known that nobody was coming for you, would you have still left?"

She didn't see how it was even a question for him in the first place- she had told him at the time, _several times_, that she had wanted to leave the Valley of Peace. "Of course I woulda."

"I see." He didn't seem too pleased by the admission, though she didn't know what else he'd expected. "Then why did you come back?"

"It's not like I left 'cause I didn't wanna be here at all," she pointed out. "I needed to leave, to live my own life. You and I couldn'ta stayed together all these years, even if I hadn't left. The things we wanted outta life were too different." That was what she'd always believed, anyway. "And I came back 'cause I'm ready to live here. I spent most of my life doing exactly what I wanted to do, and it was great. I got no regrets. And it just so happens that what I wanna do now is live in the Valley of Peace." She did conveniently leave out the part about wanting to be with him- it was a little too early for that, and to be honest she felt like a stalker just thinking it.

He started massaging his temple, most likely frustrated that her answer was so straightforward; he always seemed to have trouble believing that she lacked an ulterior motive (although he tended to be right). "But _must_ you live at the Jade Palace?"

"Yeah," she answered with a shrug, watching as his consternation only deepened.

"_Why?_"

"'Cause I ain't climbing up a thousand freaking steps every time I wanna seeya, _that's_ why." It was one reason, at least, and a very good one at that.

He stared at her for a couple of seconds, and she had to hand it to him that he managed to keep his eye from twitching. "...That is it?" he finally asked. "You don't want to _climb stairs?_"

"Well it's more like climbing a mountain," she pointed out. "Plus there's the whole problem of not having enough money to pay rent, _and_ you just hired me. Not to mention you invited me-"

"_Thirty-three years ago!_" he burst out, gripping his head as if it were about to explode. "Then you showed up here barely a week ago _without_ warning and just _moved in_ without any regard for my opinion on the matter!"

"So you're retracting that whole 'you will always have a home here' statement, then?" She knew it was a mean and guilt-inducing thing to say, but she _had_ thought when he'd told her she'd always have a home at the Jade Palace he'd _meant_ it.

"No, that is not what I am doing," he grumbled, clearly incensed by the reminder of his past promises. "I am just saying that it would have been nice to have a little warning before you showed up here. And it would have been nice if you had _asked_ me before you decided to move in."

"I toldya if you didn't want me here to just _say so!_"

"That is not the same as asking!" he snapped. "If I had said I didn't want you here I would have looked like the bad guy, and then _you would have stayed anyway_. Besides, you had just returned after a _thirty-three year_ absence, I was still shocked! What do you want me to do, just lay down and allow you to walk all over me?"

She supposed it was a valid argument. "So..." And, in her opinion, it was never too late to make amends. "Can I live here?"

He blinked back at her, a disbelieving frown plastered firmly on his face. "What?"

"I'm asking you if I can live here." She gave him a hopeful smile, banking on her natural charm to win him over.

"...It is not my decision alone," he sighed, though he at least stopped frowning. "But _my_ answer is yes."

"Like there was any doubt," she snorted, then grinned innocently when he glared at her. "...So what're we eating for dinner, again?"

"Noodles, remember?" He turned and walked away, apparently heading for the kitchen.

"Not so much as I remember you refusing to tell your students I actually live here," she replied, following after him. "Did Viper tellya?"

He actually had the nerve to get angry at her. "You _told_ Viper?"

She supposed Viper _hadn't_ delivered her message after all. "Yeah. And Po. My plan was to tell each of your students individually, under the guise that they were the only person in the know. Then I would sit back and watch disaster strike. I could still go that route, if you're not ready to tell 'em yet."

"_What?_" he snapped indignantly. "What is _wrong_ with you? I would have told them in my own time!"

"Guess _my_ own time moves a little faster 'an yours," she replied, unconcerned. It wasn't in her nature to settle for anything less than precisely what she wanted, and she wanted his students to know the truth.

"You- _You_-" He paused, his lips thinned as he glared at her. "I had _thought_ you had matured in the past few decades, but I suppose I was wrong."

"Oh, I've matured," she assured him. "If I'd faced this problem years ago, I'da never thoughta such a stunningly intelligent and subversive plan."

"Has it ever occurred to you that there is something wrong with how much you enjoy my pain?" He huffed as they walked out of the Hall of Heroes and headed back toward the barracks.

"Seems perfectly natural to me." She grinned at how annoyed he looked. "Besides, I been plenty nice to you so far. I don't see what your problem is."

"Perhaps your presumption," he sniffed, and she suppressed the urge to laugh at him. "You seem to think you have the right to boss around whomever you see fit."

"Naw, just you." She reached out and poked him in the side, snorting in amusement when he rubbed at the spot she'd touched. "And you gotta admit, you make it pretty easy for me."

"I do not," he protested. "And by the way, you are backing me up in there when I tell my students about this, and I _will_ heed their opinions on the matter. And that is _not_ a request."

"Y'know, it's kinda a turn-on when you boss me around like that," she commented, only half-joking.

"Augh," he grumbled, burying his face momentarily in his hand before setting off across the grounds.

She decided to be the bigger person and not get angry about his clear rejection; after all, she had plenty of time to change his mind. "You want it!" she accused, then laughed at the way his ears twitched in his irritation. At least, he'd want it eventually- all she needed was a little persistence.

* * *

"That's not a smile." Viper cocked her head slightly to the side, squinting her eyes as she peered up at her fellow kung fu master. "It looks more like someone's got you in an arm lock. Or maybe a choker hold." She paused, assessing her friend. "Yep, definitely a choker hold."

"This is pointless," Tigress huffed as she finally allowed her face to relax. "And your advice is _ridiculous._" She sat down on the barracks porch, where Viper had somehow harangued her into attempting to "practice her smile." She simply didn't smile if she didn't mean it- and there were very few times when she meant it.

"Try again," Viper encouraged, ignorant of how close she was to being viciously clawed to death.

"I can't force a smile, Viper," she snapped. "I can't smile unless I feel like smiling, and right now the last thing I feel like doing is smiling. And since when is a smile some sort of magical bandage capable of mending my relationship with Master Shifu? Is there some disclaimer I have yet to hear of?"

"I never said anything like that!" her friend shot back. "I said it was a _start_. There's a difference."

"I seem to remember you telling me something different."

"You always twist my words around! And we wouldn't be having this discussion if you would just _attempt_ to be _friendly_-"

"That's it," she cut in, then got back to her feet. "I'm done." She turned to head inside and eat some dinner; she would deal with her problems in her own way, _on her own_. She should have known better than to talk to Viper in the first place; the woman thought every problem in life could be solved with simple optimism and rainbows and flowers and-and- other equally naive, frivolous things. Although, with Master Oogway gone, she didn't know who else she could possibly talk to about her worries. Monkey and Mantis would just turn everything into a joke, Crane was so non-cronfrontational he'd squirm just listening to her, and Po... She didn't plan on telling the panda anything about her personal life. _Ever_. Not that Master Oogway had ever given any advice that she could actually understand, but he'd been a good listener. More than that, really.

"Tigress!" Viper caught up to her outside of the kitchen, looking worried as always. "I didn't mean to snap, you know. It's just frustrating when you don't take my advice seriously."

"I know." Tigress hoped she wasn't expected to apologize; she hadn't done anything to warrant an apology, as far as she could see- not that Viper would stay angry if she had. Sometimes Tigress wondered if she had _ever_ stayed angry at anyone for more than maybe a day in her entire life; but maybe that was because it usually didn't take much longer than that to beat the living daylights out of them. "I think I should just handle this on my own."

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly, "if that's what you want."

With a nod of her head, Tigress walked into the kitchen- and tried her best not to let her mouth water at the heavenly aroma of Po's noodles. While she'd been able to resist most of the rich foods Po cooked and adhere to the strict diet of a disciplined kung fu master, she had long since given in to the noodles. She didn't know a person alive capable of resisting them.

"So then he says, 'And here I thought all this time that was just a banana in his pants!'" Of course Mantis had been regaling their fellow masters with a filthy story, the likes of which usually only amused himself- and sometimes Monkey.

"That was... Interesting," Crane commented awkwardly.

"Hey, Tigress-"

"I would rather not know," she interrupted as she and Viper took their seats.

"I think I can live in ignorance, too," Viper added when Mantis turned to her.

"Okay, but you don't know what you're missing," he chuckled. "It was a real good one. You see there was this guy-"

"Please don't tell it again," Po begged as he spooned soup into bowls and served it up. "I mean, it was an interesting story an' all, I just dunno if I'd wanna hear it again... Ever." He sat down at the end of the table and immediately dug into his portion.

"You can do better, anyway," Monkey reassured the insect. "I'd give it maybe a seven out of ten."

Tigress shook her head; how any of her friends managed to keep their appetites after Mantis's jokes and stories, she didn't know.

Viper let out a sigh, though her frustration was probably feigned. "Mantis, if you'd refocused all the time your mind spends in the gutter on kung fu, _you_ would have been named the Dragon Warrior."

"Hey now, I gotta keep my priorities straight," he joked back, then followed up with one of his rumbling laughs. "Besides, everyone's been so depressing lately, I figured we could use a little mood boost."

"We are _not_ depressing," she argued immediately.

"Just bored," Monkey finished for her.

Tigress couldn't disagree with the sentiment; some days she found herself wishing that rebels would attack some nearby village or bandits would attempt to invade the Valley of Peace- _anything_ to keep her sane. "If you're so bored, Monkey, why don't you try learning from a new scroll of kung fu?"

"Ooh, that reminds me! I'm learning Dragon style!" Po interjected excitedly, bouncing in his seat like a child.

"Looked to me like you were just squatting outside the training hall," Monkey shot back.

"Maybe it's just a new training technique that Master Shifu's trying out," the panda reasoned, though after a few moments of skeptical silence from his friends, he caved. "Okay, probably not. But I _am_ learning Dragon style! Slowly."

"Maybe Master Shifu'd have more time to train you if he wasn't so busy practicing _doggy_ style," Mantis pointed out with a lecherous chuckle.

The table erupted into a chorus of "Ewwww"s and "Augh"s, and one "That's just _nasty!" _from Crane.

"Mantis, do you _want_ me to kick your ass?" Tigress asked once the loud averse reactions had subsided. "Because I would have no problem with that."

"Hey, everyone else was thinking it," he shot back. "I'm just the only one with the balls to say it out loud."

"No, you're the only one _gross_ enough to talk about Master Shifu like that," Viper hissed, then gave him a smack upside the head with the end of her tail.

"Hey, old people need lovin' too."

"I will _crush_ you," Tigress growled at him, thanking every deity in existence that she had managed to keep a mental image from forming.

Mantis insisted on continuing to push her buttons, though. "All I'm saying is, this's the longest booty call _I've_ ever seen." He dodged the swipe she aimed at him from across the table just in time, landing back in front of his soup as if he'd never moved. "Yeesh, calm down," he griped. "I'm sure your new step-mommy'll be leaving soon."

Before she could tear him a new one for the continued teasing, Po let out a suspiciously guilty sounding cough.

"I dunno if that's..." He trailed off, apparently losing his confidence under the sudden attention he'd garnered as the Furious Five all turned their curious gazes on him. "Well the thing is..." he tried again, but couldn't seem to bring himself to finish the thought.

Tigress had become used to his awkward tendencies, so such a hesitation didn't surprise her in the least. It still provoked her impatient streak, though. "Are you going to tell us or not, Po?"

"I kinda sorta think Lin might live here. Now." He winced, as if he expected to receive a punch in the face for delivering such news.

"That's impossible," she snapped immediately. "Master Shifu would never allow such a thing behind our backs." However, one glance at the looks on her friends' faces revealed that they were not so sure.

"I think Po's right," Viper spoke up. "I spoke to Lin, and she pretty much told me straight-up that she's living here and Master Shifu knows it."

Silence met the announcement as they all contemplated this new development; personally, Tigress wanted to do less contemplating, and more confronting.

"At least she cleans up after herself," Po pointed out weakly, then under the stares of his fellow kung fu masters fell silent again and began to slurp his soup.

Crane, always the voice of reason, was the next to add his opinion. "I'm sure this is all just a miscommunication. Master Shifu values our opinions... I mean, sort of. She's not a kung fu student, so he'd ask us first, right?"

"You would think so." Tigress crossed her arms, glowering at this revelation. She didn't like being left out of the loop, she didn't like not having a say on who she would be living with, and she didn't like Lin.

"Well, maybe Master Shifu was planning on telling us about it... Um..." Crane paused as Master Shifu himself, accompanied by Lin, entered the kitchen with eyebrows raised at the subject of their conversation. "...Right now," he finished lamely.

Master Shifu cleared his throat as his eyes swept across the table, taking in all six of his students. "Indeed," he agreed stiffly.

"Ouch, _awkward_," Lin added needlessly as she spooned some noodles into bowls for the two of them and then, inappropriately enough, sat in Master Shifu's regular seat at the head of the table.

He simply glared at her, then grabbed an extra chair from the corner of the room and sat next to her. "I suppose you all know by now that Lin has requested residency here."

"You make it sound like you haven't said 'yes' yet," the old dog said to him. "_Twice_." She slurped up some noodles, as if the subject they were discussing was as trivial as the weather. "Hey, these're _really_ good."

"My opinion is not the only one that matters," he snapped, thankfully.

"Yes it is," she argued back, "you're the one in charge, and last I checked this wasn't a democracy." She continued to eat her soup as the rest of the group of kung fu masters stared at her with varying degrees of horror. "Unless you wanna vote."

"Master," Tigress spoke up before it was too late, "I believe I speak for all of us when I say that putting this issue to a majority vote is the fair thing to do."

Lin finally stopped stuffing her face and actually began to show an interest in the conversation. Then, surprisingly enough, she agreed. "That's true, voting _is_ the fairest way to go about this."

Master Shifu looked conflicted, his eyes darting back and forth between the two women. He cleared his throat, but said nothing and instead tapped his fingers nervously on the tabletop while he apparently considered his options. Then, after what seemed like a lifetime of agonizing indecision, he nodded his head. "Alright, let us vote by a show of hands."

"Can I vote?" Lin asked.

"_No_." He then turned and surveyed his students, a nervous frown on his face. "All in favor of Lin staying?" He raised his hand and, slowly, so did Po.

Surprisingly enough, Viper hesitantly raised her tail into the air, as well. At the inquisitive looks she received, she hissed, "_What?_ I feel bad."

After waiting far too long for someone else to vote in Lin's favor, Master Shifu finally let out a defeated sigh and dropped his hand back to his side. "I see."

Tigress couldn't help but feel relief wash over her; at a four-to-three vote, there was no way their master could justify keeping the irritating canine around. Besides, if the old woman could fend for herself while traveling the globe, she could fend for herself in the Valley of Peace. There were plenty of rooms for rent in the village down below, so it wasn't as if she would end up on the streets.

Master Shifu once more cleared his throat, breaking through the awkward silence that had settled upon the room. "So it is decided," he announced, then paused to glance at Lin, who had shown no sign of distress whatsoever up to that point.

Suddenly, as if it were the easiest thing in the world to do, her eyes became watery and her ears drooped as a down-trodden sigh escaped her throat, all in the moment Master Shifu looked at her.

He turned his gaze back to his students and grimaced, obviously uncomfortable. "It is decided..." He paused, glancing at the old dog again. "As the Grand Master, my vote counts as three," he rushed out, then before anyone could protest he hopped out of his seat and left the room.

"WHAT," Tigress roared, as Crane shook his head and Mantis and Monkey started muttering to each other. "He can't do that!" she voiced to the rest of the room, practically seeing red in her anger and frustration.

Lin loudly slurped up the rest of her noodles, a smug grin tugging at her lips. "That's democracy forya," she commented blithely. Then, with a positively evil cackle, she stood up and _sauntered_ away. Who the hell actually sauntered, _ever?_

"You all saw what she did, didn't you?" Tigress pointed accusingly after the little ball of fuzz, glaring around at her fellow masters. "You saw those _crocodile tears_ she whipped up for Master Shifu! She _cheated!_"

"Well _technically_ I didn't see any tears," Crane pointed out, which only made her angrier.

"This is ridiculous!" she concluded, throwing her hands up.

"You've got to learn to roll with the punches, Tigress," Monkey advised with a shrug. "We don't like it any more than you do, but Lin had a point."

"What point?" she demanded.

"Shifu's the Grand Master, now," Mantis answered, as apparently unconcerned by their master's disregard for their opinions as Monkey. "And there's no democracy in kung fu."

"Why did he even let us vote, then?" she snapped, and while she knew that lashing out at her friends would not accomplish anything, she simply couldn't stop herself. She felt, and not for the first time, ignored- and the more everyone else tried to play devil's advocate, the hotter her temper became.

"I'm sure you'll warm up to the idea," Viper attempted to comfort her, but she only glared back.

"I don't think so." Tigress turned to look at Po, the only one of her companions who had stayed conspicuously silent. "Well?" she demanded, waiting for him to tell her that she was overreacting, and for all she knew the old woman could be "awesome."

"Um..." He blinked back at her, apparently caught off-guard that she would even ask. "Well, uh, I _did_ vote for her to stay." He paused, awkwardly fiddling with his soup bowl. "But you're right, that wasn't fair."

She stared at the panda for a moment, unable to believe he'd taken her side. Then, she got to her feet and turned to go. "I need more practice with the gauntlet of wooden warriors," she tossed over her shoulder as she stalked out of the room. And while that was indeed true (after all, she would always be honing her craft, as any good kung fu master knew there was no such thing as perfection), she had the ulterior motive of releasing some aggression. She needed to punch something, and soon, so it may as well be something she was _supposed_ to punch. And while she was punching the dummies, it couldn't hurt to imagine she was punching, say, a smug old hag with way too much fur right in her little paunchy belly.

* * *

Wei-Shan stopped at the base of the mountain to check his map again; it had been years since the old raccoon dog had dared to venture out of the Tavan Bogd mountain range, but Chen's latest letter had been unmistakable in its urgency. And that in itself was an oddity, since Chen _never_ acted urgently. Wei-Shan, from the moment he'd met the man, had always been under the impression that the jerboa simply considered himself too old to feel particularly urgent about anything. Yet his latest correspondence had simply read, "Get your ass over here, you lazy old idiot."

He glanced up from the map, a small smile tugging on his lips at the sight of the harsh stone and ice of the mountain giving way to vast fields of walnut and apple trees. He'd almost forgotten what it was like outside the harsh climate of the mountain, having to hike miles to the nearest cluster of spruce trees just to dig up something to eat; not that his thick white fur couldn't handle the extreme climate. And the season for apples had just begun, shiny red and yellow orbs of sweet flesh and juice already visible in some nearby trees. Walnut fruit, on the other hand, being smaller and a shade of green that tended to blend in with the surrounding leaves, required a closer look to spot. Either way, he'd have plenty to eat until he found his way onto the main road.

He glanced at the map again, but he could use a snack to help with his concentration- something an apple tree to his immediate right could cure quite easily. He reached out to grab a ripe-looking piece of fruit from the bottom branch of the tree when he was rudely interrupted.

"Hello!"

"Ah!" He jumped a little, readjusting his thick glasses as he leaned to the side to see what- or _who_- had called out to him from the other side of the tree.

"Pleased to meet you, sir," greeted a rather petite grey wolf. The girl couldn't possibly have come from the mountains, since she wore only a simple black hanfu with a white overskirt, and carried nothing but a canteen and a small bag he could only assume stored food.

"Wh-where did you come from?" He stepped around the trunk of the tree, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"West," she answered vaguely, then offered him an apple. There was something strange about her that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Thank you." He accepted the fruit, though he hesitated to bite into it. "Are you traveling with anyone?"

"Oh, no," she dismissed easily, as if the very suggestion were absurd. "I travel alone. I am a little turned around, you see, and you appear to have a map." She had some sort of accent which he couldn't for the life of him identify.

"Indeed I do." He supposed the least he could do was help out a fellow traveler. "Where are you headed?"

"Valley of Peace."

"Well, you're a long way from it." He unfolded his map once more and scanned it for the nearest trade road. "This big road here-" he paused to point at one that cut south through Sichuan- "should take you where you need to go."

"Too slow," she rejected immediately, then went so far as to tap another road on the map, one that intersected with the trade road to Shanghai. "This looks better."

"It's not as safe," he told her, but she didn't seem to even hear him. "But what do you need to go to the Valley of Peace for, anyway?"

"I am looking for a powerful warrior," she informed him.

"If you tell me what the problem is, perhaps I can help." He hadn't actually fought anyone in decades, but he still practiced kung fu as much as one could do so in solitude. "I may be old, but I am a Master of kung fu."

She shook her head at the offer, not even bothering to think about it. "You misunderstand. I am looking for one specific man. Perhaps you might have heard of him."

"If he is a kung fu warrior who lives in the Valley of Peace, I'm sure I have," he assured her.

"Then you can tell me if I am correct!" she exclaimed, a wide smile spreading across her face. "It took me so long to learn this Chinese, and people always get angry when I say the name." She leaned in and lowered her voice, as if she thought there might be someone else around to eavesdrop. "I think most people I meet are criminals, between the both of us."

"Judging by the roads you choose to travel on, I'm not surprised." He shuffled back a little as she leaned in even closer.

"The man I am searching for," she whispered conspiratorially, "is called Shifu."

Wei-Shan blinked back at her, confused by the behavior. "Shifu?" He'd never before in his life met a person who had trouble finding someone as well-known as Oogway's successor, but this girl didn't exactly seem all there.

"From what I have been told," she went on, "he has a head the size and shape of a large, ripe melon."

"Yes, I know who you're talking about." He winced at the cry of delight she emitted, but continued speaking. "He _does_ live in the Valley of Peace, at the Jade Palace. You're heading the right way. Well, _now_ you will be."

"Thank you very much!" She gave him an awkward bow, then grabbed another apple from the tree as she turned to disappear back into the orchard.

"Good luck!" he called after her, thoroughly confused. Then again, he'd always had trouble understanding other people.

* * *

A/N: Hear that sound? That's the sound of me advancing the plot. AWW YEAH PLOT. It is a foreign thing in the Blue Plate Special 'verse, but don't be scared, I'm here for you. Anyway I want to note that a Nawab is a provincial governor, which I hope was easy enough to infer from the context of that first scene. I also hope Lin's spiritual reveal wasn't too much of a shock- she's been a lotta places and done a lotta things since she was 22, some of which will be revealed later in the fic. Also, dear lord Tigress is difficult to write... But she'll get easier as time goes on. And, yeah, it was pretty much a given that she would hate Lin. I think it's pretty much a given that _anyone_ would hate Lin on first impression.

Speaking of Lin, according to the infallible folks over at wikipedia, "Tantric scholars have described yoginis as independent, outspoken women with graceful spirits, without whom yoga would fail to achieve its full, fruitful purpose." Just thought it'd be amusing to point that out with Lin in mind.

Also, I slightly redesigned Lin and sketched up a whole bunch of expressions etc. if anyone would like to take a look at marie-goos-v2 [dot] livejournal [dot] com [/] 12514 [dot] html#cutid1

And one more note because I've been dying to say it: I always imagined that if there ever rose an occasion for it, the voice of Chen would be played by John Mahoney.

As for next chapter: Yan-Yan takes Chen's advice and continues to be nice to Tai Lung, Shifu continues to be confused and grumpy, Lin continues to be... Herself, and the plot continues to thicken.


	3. A Good Meal Ought to Begin with Hunger

A/N: I just want to take a moment to say thank you all for reading and reviewing! The fic has received a much bigger response than I thought it would, and I'm so grateful to you guys. :) Also, since I don't know if I'll be able to update before the end of the holiday season: Happy [insert your celebration of choice here], everyone! This is my favorite season of the year, so of course I have to mention that the Kung Fu Panda holiday special was very cute and I hope you all enjoyed it too. Now, on to the chapter!

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 3: A Good Meal Ought to Begin With Hunger

* * *

Shifu crossed his arms and glared at the door in front of him; what would have been an ordinary bedroom door to anyone else, what _should_ have been an ordinary bedroom door to him, was not. Instead it served as a gateway into a territory of unfathomable pain and frustration. He didn't know if he was ready yet to step through that gateway.

Then, the back door to the barracks, which stood innocuously at the end of the hall, let out an ominous rattle. "Sonuva _bitch_," Lin cursed as she forced the door open, which was understandable seeing as it had a tendency to stick. "What're you doing?" she directed towards Shifu before she'd even looked at him, then tried three times to close the back door properly before she actually succeeded.

He blinked back at her, startled by her sudden appearance, then pointed at her bedroom door. "I thought you were in there."

"Nope," she answered as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be wandering about the grounds before dawn. "Actually, I just got back from an overnight, figured it'd be easier 'an dealing with all those damn kids, y'know? Running around, screaming, knocking over my damn scaffolding." She certainly _looked_ like she'd been up all night, with the heavy bags under her eyes and her disheveled fur and clothes.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," he pointed out. "An overnight doing _what?_ And how are children involved, exactly?"

"It's commission work." Of course she didn't bother to actually explain _what_ that commission work happened to be. "B'sides, I thought it'd be good for the ol' karma to do something for that orphanage, y'know? Kids without parents, that just _screams_ good karma." She pushed past him into her room, then shut the door in his face before he could follow.

"The Bao Gu Orphanage?" he asked incredulously; the thought of Lin in such close proximity to a large group of impressionable children sent chills down his spine.

"Yup, that's the one," she called back through her closed door as she rummaged around in her room, probably changing clothes for the day. "I dunno how people do it. I dunno how they can spend so much time around kids, especially a large group like that."

"You used to spend most of your time with Tai Lung," he pointed out, though he regretted it immediately; they hadn't spoken of Tai Lung at all since the first day of her return, and the memories still stung.

"That was different," she shot back, apparently not quite as disturbed by the subject as he was. "_He_ was different. Really weird, actually, but I think he got that mostly from you." She threw her door open and leaned on the frame, dressed in a fresh set of clothes (men's clothing, of course) in an unusually flashy dark red. At least, flashy for her, seeing as her color of choice tended to range from dirt brown to mud brown. "Not that the weirdness is a bad thing," she added.

Rather than continue the discussion, Shifu quietly watched her pull out her long-stemmed pipe and begin to stuff tobacco into it. While he would always be well aware of her feminine side, he could see in that moment how she had been able to so easily pose as a man in the past. She clearly knew how to play the part of the rakish outlaw very well, right down to the way she stood.

"So, we going shopping or what?" she asked, thankfully holding off on lighting her pipe.

"Yes," he sighed. "I just... You do not normally wear such colorful outfits."

"Well, you're paying for all my supplies, I figured the least I could do was giveya a little eye candy." She topped off the statement with a wink, then walked toward the back door of the barracks and, with some effort and only one muttered curse, managed to get it back open. "Shall we?"

"You have a very high opinion of yourself, don't you?" he observed as he followed her out to the stairs.

"Depends on my mood." She smirked at him over her shoulder, then turned back around to light her pipe. In mere moments she had a plume of smoke rising from the thing as she puffed happily away on it.

"That is a nasty habit," he informed her, though he doubted she would take such an opinion into consideration.

"I've encountered nastier."

"I would not doubt it." He paused a moment to observe the narrow path before them, mostly overgrown with grass and the roots of the nearby trees which stood to one side, while the other side of the path simply ended in a sheer drop-off which provided a magnificent view of the valley below. If there had existed at the Jade Palace any place which could be considered his and Lin's "spot" in a romantic sense (besides the kitchen), this would have been it. He had, admittedly, not walked down the path in a very long time. From the looks of it, no one had.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, furrowing her brow in confusion at his reaction. "If you gotta make, do it now, 'cause I ain't taking time out to find a bathroom down in the village." If she had been trying to remind him of their former relationship at all, then her idea of romance certainly hadn't changed in the past three decades.

"I am fine," he huffed, then continued to follow her. "I was... Remembering. That is all."

"Can't blameya," she admitted, then poked him in the belly with her pipe. "Old people tend to get nostalgic like that. It's just an early sign of senility."

"If that is not the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is."

She laughed at the jab, nodding her head in agreement. "I may be no spring chicken, but there's a lot to be said for the virtues of _experience_." A lecherous smirk removed any doubt as to what type of experience she meant.

"Is this sort of behavior really necessary?" he huffed; it would be nice if she could go ten minutes without rubbing her sex life in his face.

"Hey, I'm just advertising my skills."

He couldn't say he'd expected her to express any sort of remorse or even awareness of how inappropriate her behavior was. "All I am saying is that it would be nice if you could tone it down a little bit, at least for the time being." He surprised even himself with how diplomatic he sounded. "I _did_ go out on a limb for you. And half of my students now probably despise me. _Especially_ Tigress."

"Yeah, I never got a chance to thankya for that." She paused, then elbowed him in the side. "Thanks."

"Hmph," he replied, which was as close to a "you're welcome" as she was going to get.

"Y'know, I should probably tellya that whole teary-eyed thing was a fake-out," she added lightly, apparently unconcerned with the dubious morality of such an action to begin with.

"I had suspected as much." He'd seen right through her, of course- he at least knew her that well. "Still... I have given you my word that you would always have a home here. And even with a majority vote from my students, I cannot take it back."

Her response to his reasoning caught him off-guard in its sincerity. "That's 'cause you're a good man."

"I- um- thank you. I suppose."

"You _suppose?_ Now _that's_ howya gracefully accept a compliment," she mocked. "No wonder everyone likesya so much."

"People do _not_ dislike me," he argued. "Not _terribly_, anyway," he amended, because even he had to admit that he could be a little... Rough around the edges. "_Po_ likes me."

Lin only laughed at him and gave him a hearty pat on the back.

"You are not exactly miss popularity," he pointed out.

"I guess it's just one of the many reasons we tend to gravitate towards each other, huh?" She actually had a good point with that assertion. "By the way," she added as they rounded a bend in the small side path and headed out to the main crossroads of the grounds, "plenty of people like me."

"I am certain," he scoffed, prompting a playful punch in the arm from her. "People like you about as much as you like children. Perhaps slightly less." He watched her interrupt a puff on her pipe to laugh again, smoke billowing out of her mouth. He had to admit that, however vulgar and pompous she could be, she was in equal possession of her own unique brand of charm. At least until the wind blew the smoke into his face and he was left to futilely attempt to wave away the pungent stuff. Still, perhaps the trip down to the village with her wouldn't be _too_ bad.

* * *

Tai Lung studied the room around him, taking in every detail he could. He would need to know it inside and out if he planned on getting away from that demented gerbil and his feline "doctor." Fortunately, there was not much to know; the room only had one window and one door, and was sparsely furnished with his bedroll, along with two low-set chairs and a locked trunk. Unfortunately, this also meant the room held very few items which could be of use to him in an escape attempt. There was a loose floorboard near the door which he could probably rip up and use as a crude weapon, but that didn't exactly comfort him. It could help him to have someone on his side, of course, but so far only two people even knew he was alive.

"Well _you're_ up early." That pudgy little cat- Yan-Yan, he believed her name was- walked into the room with a smile on her face and a tray in her hands. "Couldn't sleep?"

"That is none of your concern," he answered flatly, eyeing the tray; clearly the woman was trying to feed him, though whether or not what she served would be safe to eat he had no idea.

"I'm afraid breakfast is a little plain." She set the tray down on the floor and sat next to him, then picked up a cup of some sludge-like substance and began stirring it. "I'm not the best cook around. Then again, I'm sure whatever I manage to throw together is better than prison food. And if it's not, do me a favor and don't tell me, because the last thing I need right now is more complaining."

He eyed the bowl of plain rice porridge, cruller, and fresh slices of apple on the tray with skepticism; poison could have been easily hidden in any of the items. "..._More_ complaining?"

"Come on, I live with _Chen_," she pointed out.

He had to admit, the woman made a good point. "Hmph."

"Are you planning to eat, or what?" she picked at him, gesturing to the food. "It's not like it's _poisoned_ or something. And don't you dare turn your nose up at it just because I told you I'm not a good cook. I mean, it's _rice porridge_, I don't see how anyone can mess that up. Besides, you can't take your medicine on an empty stomach and-"

"Medicine?" he repeated, recoiling slightly from the woman. "What do you mean by 'medicine'?"

"It's just a tincture to keep your strength up and prevent infection," she sighed, then had the nerve to roll her eyes at him. "You're more paranoid than Chen is, you know that? If I was going to poison you, don't you think I would have done it while you were still lying prone, at my mercy? I mean, you were really out of it- I could have sawed you open and you'd have barely noticed. Anyway, eat up, because you're taking this medicine whether you like it or not, and I don't want you throwing up all over the place. Mainly because _I'm_ the one who'll have to clean it up."

He honestly didn't know what to think of her; she acted as if he posed no threat to her, when clearly that was anything but true. And she spoke to him as if he actually _wanted_ to listen to her- again, a sentiment that was far removed from reality. "Aren't you _afraid_ of me?"

"I'm too tired to be afraid of you," she replied shortly, then grabbed a spoon and forced it into his hand. "Now _please_, eat something. You're going to turn to skin and bones if you don't."

Apparently no one feared him anymore- not Lin, not Shifu or his five little pets, not that fat panda, and now not even some divorcee who had proclaimed herself his doctor. Had his reputation really faded so much in twenty years? Did people truly think he was so easily beaten and tamed? Well, his defeat by the panda had certainly done him no favors. And this woman had seen to his care while he'd been delirious, injured and vulnerable, so she probably still viewed him as such to a degree. "You _do_ recall who I am, do you not?"

"Yes, I remember the introductions," she answered with far too much casual ease.

"That is not precisely what I meant," he growled and shot a dark glare her way.

"Save the murderer act, I remember the stories." She reached into her wide belt and pulled out a pouch, sprinkling some sort of herb out of it into the sludge. "Though you wouldn't have killed half as many people if _I_ had been there."

"Oh? You think you could have stopped me?"

"Do I look suicidal to you?" She stirred up the sludge with great gusto and gave it a sniff. "I'm the best doctor for miles around, regardless of my gender or '_certification_.' Now eat up so you can drink this without puking on me." She gestured toward the cup of muck in her hand.

"_That_ is my medicine?" He could only stare at the stuff, horror-stricken.

"If you want to take it _orally_, then yes. This is your medicine."

He recoiled slightly at the suggestion of there being another method for administering the stuff. "You're bluffing."

"How else do you think I've been medicating you since Chen brought you here? You couldn't swallow in your condition, that's for sure. Now that you _can_, I suggest you _do_, unless you enjoy suppositories." She gestured to his breakfast, still waiting for him on its tray.

He _did_ need to feed himself, and in the long run it would work to his own advantage to drink the medicine. "You are lucky I am feeling merciful," he informed her darkly before grabbing the cruller and dipping it into the rice porridge. It was not quite as bad as he'd expected, but still pretty bland, and the cruller was a little too greasy for his liking. She had been right, though- it was still better than prison food.

She watched him eat with more interest than he would have expected. "Merciful and hungry, a potent combination. How is it?"

"Could be worse," he answered honestly.

"That's probably the highest compliment my cooking has ever received." She thrust the cup of muck at him, her expression expectant.

He wrinkled his nose at the sight of the stuff, still unsure of whether or not it could kill him. "This does not even look edible."

"Well it is," she argued, forcing the cup into his hands. "Partially."

"_Partially?_" he repeated incredulously, but before he could throw the supposed "medicine" out, the woman grabbed hold of his hands and forced them toward his mouth.

"Just drink it!" she ordered harshly, the expression on her face serving as a warning against any further argument.

He _knew_ he could take her out with a flick of his wrist, but he also knew that if he tried anything, Chen would inevitably react with violence. And while he normally wouldn't even think twice about provoking a dried up old raisin like Chen, he was not exactly in peak health. So, with a grimace to communicate precisely what he thought of the putrid concoction, he downed his medicine in a single gulp.

"Excellent," Yan-Yan announced, clapping her hands together. "Now I know you'll eat anything I hand you, as long as I tell you it's medicine."

"_What?_" he coughed out, the horrific mixture's taste still clinging to his tongue.

"Kidding," she amended, though not without a mischievous grin which instilled him with quite a bit of doubt.

He made a mental note never to accept anything she gave him again, despite any claims that eating it would be in his best interest. "This may come to you as a surprise," he growled, "but I am not much of a kidder."

"No wonder you're still single," she huffed, then grabbed one of his uneaten apple slices and popped it into her mouth, apparently unconcerned with the bad manners associated with eating off another person's plate.

"I am sure the twenty-year imprisonment in a mountain had nothing to do with it," he shot back, crossing his arms and straightening his posture to loom over her.

She looked unimpressed. "Finish your breakfast," she ordered in a scolding tone, as if he were a child. "Then we'll see about getting you a _shirt_. Not that I'm complaining." She pushed herself to her feet and smoothed out her dress, eyeing him in a way that made him extremely uncomfortable.

He was reminded of a phrase Shifu had taught him in his youth: "stranger danger."

"Anyway, let me know if anything goes awry. Any aches, pains, massive blood loss... Things of that nature." She looked excited for a moment, as though she actually _wanted_ him to experience massive blood loss. "I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you."

As he watched her go, Tai Lung couldn't help but wonder what that checkup entailed. Certainly some painful poking and prodding would be part and parcel of the visit, as she had yet to subject him to any such ministrations that day. Hopefully, he would not suffer the indignity of having to disrobe. Knowing his caretaker, though, such an act of grace did not seem likely.

* * *

Shifu found himself regretting his naivety, to ever think that a morning out with Lin could _ever_ result in anything but pure agony on his part. They had been in the marketplace for approximately fifteen minutes, and she had already dragged him to a stand selling what appeared to be mere rocks- pricey ones, at that- and picked out practically all of them. Not to mention she had designated it his job to carry everything. "I am fifteen years older than you," he reminded her against his better judgment. "How do you justify forcing me to carry a bag full of rocks?"

"It's killer on my joints," she replied, as if it hadn't even occurred to her that he _possessed_ joints, let alone that they could ever possibly be in any pain as well. "Besides, you're stronger 'an me. I mean, you put that hole in the roof of the Hall of Heroes, right?"

"I... Yes," he admitted reluctantly.

"And you blew apart a giant chunk of the front steps that got torn up and thrown at you?"

"...Yes."

"And you picked up the panda and threw him-"

"How do you know all this?" he interrupted, annoyed by the fact that she'd actually thought up a decent reason for her treatment of him.

"I asked around," she answered simply.

"That's creepy."

"No, it's _smart_." She emphasized her point by giving his nose a flick. "And I got more tact 'an to try to askya about... Recent events. I wouldn't want anyone asking me if I were you, anyway."

He blinked back at her, surprised by her sensitivity.

Of course, that sensitivity did not last long. "I mean, if _you_ went and asked _me_ about my conjoined twin babies I sold for drugs, it'd make me pretty uncomfortable."

He glared at her, his tone of voice flat when he spoke. "Nice try."

"And here I thought for sure you'd fall for that one." She picked up a piece of ore and examined it closely, then made a face and put it back down, ignoring the irritated look the goose who ran the stand gave her; Shifu wanted to tell him to get used to it, but the man would probably make a similar conclusion upon witnessing their conversation.

"Well, we _are_ supposed to be getting to know each other again," he reasoned. "So tell me something _true_ about yourself I do not know."

"Okay," she replied easily as she went through what seemed like every single chunk of sediment at the stand. "When I was a young girl I used to fantasize about men pinning me down and spanking me. Well, okay, sometimes women, too. But I didn't fully realize my attraction to 'em until-"

"That is enough!" He felt heat rush to his face as everyone within hearing distance shot them disturbed glances and edged away. "That is _not_ what I meant and you know it!" he snapped.

"Well you didn't specify," she pointed out, as calm as ever, then tossed a rock at him.

He caught it out of reflex, then put it in the shopping bag. "I get the feeling this is going to be expensive."

"Don't worry, once you start giving me a salary I'll pay for my own supplies."

"No you won't, _I_ will," he shot back. He would, after all, be the one paying her salary.

"It's a salary," she argued. "Once it enters my possession, it becomes _my_ money." She threw another rock his way, though this one was a lot larger and heavier than the first.

"What are you even buying, anyway?" He sincerely hoped she didn't find some way to turn her answer into a joke about sex.

"Pigment." She picked up a chunk of vaguely blue looking stone and closely examined it, then set it back down. "No pigment, no paint. No paint, no product. D'you see the connection there?"

"Yes." He rolled his eyes at her, though she wasn't paying attention. "So tell me something about yourself that is _not_ sexual."

"Gimme a minute to think," she replied, still picking through various ores; he was starting to think they'd be at the same stand all day long.

After a few long moments passed by, he voiced his impatience. "It really takes this long to think of something about yourself that isn't sexual?"

"Naw, but it _does_ take this long to thinka something that ain't a secret." She sounded amused, no doubt because she knew how much her assertion would irritate him.

"Why is it that _you_ get to keep secrets and I don't?"

"'Cause you're bad at keeping secrets." She tossed yet another piece of ore to him. "I never bothered looking for my sister. I remembered she'd moved to Florence, and I was in the area, but I didn't look for her. I was sick at the time, anyway, so..." She trailed off, then gave an unconcerned shrug. "Maybe I shoulda. But it wasn't a sure thing, and I didn't wanna get my hopes up."

"Oh," he commented, caught off guard. "You didn't have to tell me something _that_ personal."

"Well, back in the day you told me I should look for her," she replied, then picked out two more rocks. "I thought you might want some closure. I'm sure the suspense was tearing you up inside."

He stared at her incredulously, but she didn't seem to notice his reaction. "Sometimes you leave me wondering if you even _have_ any emotions."

"Of course I have emotions," she huffed. "Whaddaya want from me? Want me to burst into tears in the middle of a crowded market?"

"That is not what I meant," he grumbled back, then blinked at her when she held her hand out to him. He wasn't sure what she meant by the gesture, but after a moment's hesitation he placed his hand in hers; her palm felt as rough and calloused as he remembered, and her grip just as gentle.

She gave him a weird look, then yanked her hand away. "What're you doing?"

"I don't know," he answered defensively. "You held your hand out so I took it!"

"I held out my hand for _the money bag_." She narrowed her eyes at him, a confused frown on her face. "...Didya _wanna_ hold hands?"

"Of course not!" he snapped, then shoved his money into her hands to get the whole thing over with.

"Whatever," she muttered and turned to pay the proprietor of the stand, who had been pretending not to notice their admittedly unorthodox interaction. When she handed back his purse, it felt considerably lighter. "Y'know, ifya _did_ wanna hold hands, I wouldn't judge."

"Why, do _you_ want to hold my hand?" His eyebrows shot up at the idea; Lin and public displays of affection were not exactly synonymous in his eyes.

"Not especially," she admitted with an unconcerned shrug. "I'd rather make out, if that's okay with you."

"It is not," he ground out, ignoring the strange looks they were once again attracting as he turned and headed toward the next stand, regardless of what wares it sold. As long as he got away from the woman who put him through such humiliation for at least a single second, he didn't care.

"I don't see what your problem is," Lin went on as she followed him. "I assure you, I'm a good kisser. Though if you'd loosen up for a coupla minutes, you'd find that out firsthand."

"Has it ever occurred to you that this is sexual harassment?" he huffed.

"If it really bothers you that much, I'll quit it," she offered, though her sincerity was debatable.

"It really bothers me that much," he informed her.

"Well, geez, you don't gotta get so uppity." She then completely ignored his request and grabbed him by the belt, of all places, dragging him across the crowded marketplace for everyone to see. "Hopeya don't mind," she shot over her shoulder, "but I figured since we're down here we could see about some herbs for the joints."

He simply turned his eyes to the sky. "If there are any gods in existence to witness this, _please strike me down now_."

"People're gonna think you're a weirdo if you keep talking to yourself like that," Lin warned.

* * *

Tigress stared down at the scroll in her hands, attempting to read it but unable to retain the information no matter how many times her eyes passed over it. She'd been admittedly distracted lately, but she still scolded herself for allowing her worries to affect her training in any way. Still, she must have read it over a thousand times already since Po had become the Dragon Warrior, yet she had yet to even come close to perfecting the techniques held within.

"Wow, you're studyin' nerve attacks?"

She looked up from the scroll, blinking as she once again became fully aware of the Hall of Heroes, the massive collection of scrolls in front of her, the moon pool behind her. She felt as if she had just woken from a dream. "What?" she asked Po; he must have learned a great deal in his time training at the Jade Palace if he had been able to sneak up on her.

"Nerve attacks." He gestured to the scroll in her hands. "You're learnin' 'em?"

"I'm just reading," she lied. Truth be told, she had asked Shifu to teach her the technique, but he'd refused; "Perhaps you should take a closer look at your reasons for wanting to learn this," he had told her in a concerned tone of voice- as if she couldn't handle nerve attacks! As if she were a _child_.

"Y'know, you been kinda quiet lately," Po interrupted her thoughts.

"I'm always quiet," she pointed out, then rolled up the scroll and returned it to the archive.

"Well, I meant usually you're kinda like- uhm-" he paused to glower at her, apparently mimicking her usual expression. "But lately you been more like-" his face changed from angry to lethargic.

"I see." She couldn't say she'd expected anything less than ridiculous from him, but she _hadn't_ expected his antics to reveal him to be so observant. Then again, he'd always been deeper than he initially seemed. "Lately I just feel... Useless." She had meant to make reference to their current lack of activity, but she feared she may have revealed more than that with her statement.

If he'd noticed anything out of the ordinary, Po didn't let on. "I know what ya mean," he assured, rocking back on his heels. "Not a whole lotta butt to kick, am I right?"

"You are," she agreed, relieved that he'd taken her comment at face value.

"Hey, we'll get to beat up some bad guys soon," he added casually, as if he truly believed that any moment Zeng would run up to them, shedding feathers in his distress, and announce that they were finally needed down in the valley. "In the meantime, slow is good. It means people're safe."

"That is a good way to look at it," she admitted.

"B'sides, you're not _useless._ You're Master Tigress, fiercest of the Furious Five!" He spread his arms out toward her, and for a moment she thought he might expect a hug, but he quickly dropped them back to his sides.

"Surely you don't think I'm doing any good when we're aren't even _fighting_ anyone."

"But you're doin' good just by existin'!" he argued, a passion entering his voice that he saved just for kung fu. "People feel safe and protected, just 'cause you're up here. That's gotta count for somethin', right?"

She had to admit, the panda had a knack for cheering people up. "Perhaps it does." But she knew the truth: no matter how hard she worked, she would never come close to the Dragon Warrior, or even Tai Lung. She had never been the best, and never would be- she had been nothing but a disappointment her entire life. And now that Po had received the Dragon Scroll, she no longer had anything to even aim for. She _was_ useless. "Have you mastered Dragon Style yet?"

"Nope." For some reason, he sounded upbeat about it. "But I made some progress. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon."

"Po, you should know by now that when it comes to kung fu, you need to do a little more than just 'get the hang of it,'" she sighed, her annoyance somewhat eased by how sheepish he looked at the admonishment.

"Sorry, I didn't mean 'get the hang of it,' I meant, 'Master it,'" he corrected with a blush. "'Cause I will. Soon. I think."

She shook her head at the panda; how could he possibly be so unconcerned about learning Dragon style when he was the _Dragon Warrior?_ "You aren't anonymous anymore," she reminded him. "There may not be much to fight against right now, but now that you're the Dragon Warrior and you've defeated Tai Lung, your name has spread all over China. Not every 'bad guy' is an untrained bandit, and you need to be prepared for that."

"I know, I know," he accepted. "You're right. I just... It doesn't even feel real, y'know?"

She supposed she understood; when she had first been named a master, she had felt the same way. "...Maybe you should read the scroll for Dragon style again," she suggested.

"Yeah, good idea," he accepted and began searching the archive for the scroll in question.

She grabbed the scroll out from where it sat right under his nose and handed it to him, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes.

"Oh, yeah, there it is," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. "I was- uh- just about to grab it."

"Concentrate on the scroll, Po." She turned to leave, intent on getting some practice in on the swinging clubs of instant oblivion before it got too late. Nothing took her mind off her troubles quite like triumphing over one of the many deadly obstacles in the training hall. And the sound the wood made as it splintered didn't hurt, either.

* * *

"...And I'll need a yearly raise of six percent, coverage for eighty percent of all my medical bills, terms in my contract requiring a minimum of two weeks' notice before termination..."

Shifu began to tune Lin out as she listed all of her ridiculous demands for her post as the Jade Palace's resident artist; climbing the thousand steps to the palace with bag upon bag full of heavy supplies was unenjoyable enough, he wasn't about to listen to her plans to take him to the cleaners. Part of him suspected she was only trying to rile him up, anyway. She seemed to want to do a lot of that to him lately. He cringed as he thought back their trip into the local apothecary; he'd assumed Lin had been telling the truth when she'd said she'd wanted medicine for her joints, but of course the moment he'd allowed himself to relax she had turned to the old goat running the shop and asked for... Items of a sexual nature. He had attempted to escape unscathed, but the proprietor had turned to him with raised eyebrows and commented, "Well, well! Didn't know ya had it in ya." After that... He had simply given up and waited for her to finish picking at his carcass.

"...And at least five sexual favors per week," Lin finished, her fingers held out to help her count off all of her different demands. "You got all that?"

He stared at her a moment, wondering if that last part had even been a joke. "You don't really think I am going to agree to any of those terms, do you?"

By the dirty look she shot him, he'd say she _had_ expected him to concede to her. "Maybe it's not the best time to discuss it." She puffed moodily on her pipe, which she didn't seem to be able to go five minutes without smoking.

He had to admit, he was impressed by her tact, but he fully expected her to bombard him with more demands later. "You should start thinking about making better use of your newfound sense of diplomacy. It is going to take a lot more than a few words from me to win over my students."

"Which is why I'm cooking dinner tonight," she announced, catching him completely off-guard.

"I thought you didn't cook anymore."

"Just 'cause I ain't a paid cook anymore doesn't mean I don't cook."

The sudden sense of excitement that arose in him surprised him. Food was not something he generally paid much attention to, but he remembered Lin's cooking as if it had been only yesterday that he'd tasted it. "What are you making?" Unfortunately, he also remembered what certain dishes had done to his digestive system.

"It's a surprise," she answered, predictably enough.

"If it is curry, I swear I will kick you out of the valley," he warned.

"I dunno what you're acting so uppity about," she huffed. "Curry's my strongest area."

"That is what you're planning to make, isn't it?"

"It'll be mild," she assured him. "With chickpeas, and of course I'll hafta make some naan, even though you don't got a tandoori oven. That's okay, though."

He desperately wanted to follow through with his threat and simply kick her out of the Jade Palace in that moment. "I am starting to regret my overturn of that vote against you."

"Whatever," she dismissed. "You'll be singing a different tune once you taste what I've learned since last I cooked forya."

"I am sure I will appreciate it greatly up until the moment it actually hits my stomach," he grumbled as they reached the top of the steps and she immediately headed for the barracks, undoubtedly to begin her sinister work in the kitchen.

"You can help," she informed him, which did nothing to comfort him. "Just don't get in my way too much."

"I think I will have to pass on the offer, but thank you." He went as far as carrying her bags back to the barracks for her, but once she entered the kitchen, dug around in the closet for a musty old apron (it may have even been the same one she'd once worn) and began cooking, he ran for it. He had spent enough time as her kitchen assistant back in their youth to know better.

Instead, he spent the rest of his day allowing Po to aggravate the living daylights out of him with his incompetence. Every time the panda made a misstep or couldn't get his breathing right, Shifu fantasized about the time he'd thrown his then unwelcome student down the steps outside the training hall.

After being scolded for about the fifteenth time, Po stopped and whined, "Sorry, Master, it's just I'm gettin' kinda hungry-"

"So what?" he interrupted, his eye twitching at the excuse. "I once was stranded in the mountains for weeks with nothing to keep me going but _snow_, but _I still fought_. You are not always going to have a hot meal waiting for you! Would you let innocent people die because of that?"

"N-no, Master," the panda sputtered out, blinking down at him in shock at the outburst. The shock didn't last long. "Speakin' of hot meals, I better get started on dinner soon-"

"No, what you had better do soon is master _at least_ the sixteen movements of Dragon style _as well as_ Passing Bridge Three Times and Fierce Tiger Leaping Over Wall."

"But I-"

"Lin is taking care of dinner tonight." He couldn't help but cringe a little at the words; he doubted his students would react positively to the idea.

"Oh, okay," Po accepted, though he did look confused. "What's she makin'?"

Shifu took a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose in his frustration. "It does not matter! Now get back to your training!"

He tried to involve himself so much in Po's training that he didn't dread what was to come, but he couldn't help the pit in his stomach when the sun began to set and the Furious Five filed out of the training hall.

Monkey was the first to greet them in the courtyard. "Master Shifu." He bowed, and the others followed suit. "Hey, Po. What's for dinner?"

"Dunno," Po answered, and he actually sounded _excited_. "Lin's cookin'."

Mantis started laughing, but quickly quieted down when the others remained conspicuously silent. "Wait, you're serious?"

Shifu, against his better judgement, found himself once again defending the woman who insisted upon making herself the bane of his existence. "Lin is an excellent cook."

After another short silence, Tigress spoke. "So she's eating with us," she concluded flatly.

"Yes." He fervently wished for some way to make the evening go smoothly, but that was not going to happen. "Now all of you go... Prepare yourselves. For dinner, that is."

They followed his orders, and he had no doubt that they would start complaining the moment they were out of earshot.

However, Po hung back a moment to ask, "You _sure_ ya dunno what she's makin'?"

"Panda," he ground out, "go bathe."

* * *

Po glanced around the dinner table, feeling admittedly awkward as he played with his empty plate; Lin was busy piling a large family-style serving dish with what he could tell from the mouth-watering scent was curry, while the rest of the Jade Palace's residents sat waiting at the table with some sort of spiced tea to hold them over. Mantis kept trying to make dirty jokes, each one falling flatter than the next, while Monkey shook his head at each and every punch line. Viper traced out invisible patterns on top of the table with the tip of her tail, Crane hid his expression underneath the brim of his hat, and Shifu was grimacing like he had some really bad gas. Tigress, meanwhile, sat stiff as a board in her chair, frowning down at her empty plate. At least the food would probably taste good, though.

When Lin placed the giant bowl of chickpeas and a steaming piles of flat bread and rice on the table, Po found that he and Monkey were the only two who readily served themselves.

"Uhm, aren't you guys hungry?" he addressed the rest of the room, and one by one they began to pile food onto their plates- except for Shifu and Lin herself. "You're not havin' any?" he asked them.

"It'd be rude of me to serve myself before everyone else got some," Lin answered. "But here, _Master Shifu_, lemme getya some of my world famous chana masala on your plate." She grabbed his dish and began to pile it high, ignoring the look of horror on his face.

"It's world famous?" Po asked, excited to taste the curry.

"Well... It's famous in certain parts of the world," she admitted. "Small parts. But it's still the best _I've_ ever had, and I've had a lotta chana masala."

"And I am sure you are completely unbiased," Shifu grumbled flatly as he eyed his dinner for a moment, then took a large bite of the bread.

"How'd I do?" she asked, ignoring the old master's sarcasm; judging by the way she looked at him, his opinion was probably the only one she cared about, although there were muffled noises of appreciation around the table from those who'd already dug in.

He took a bite of the curry and rice, his expression still completely flat. "It is better than I remember," he reluctantly admitted.

Lin grinned as if he'd just given her the highest praise possible, then served herself with great gusto.

Po couldn't wait to try the exotic fare, and ripped off a piece of the bread, glistening with melted butter, and scooped up a big pile of chickpeas and rice with it, then stuffed the whole lot into his mouth. At the taste of the perfectly blended spices, the tender chickpeas, the floral hint of the rice, and the chewy, buttery bread he felt his eyelids droop as he let out an "Mmf!" of ecstasy. In that moment he didn't care what anyone said or thought about Lin, because he _loved her_. He might have even said so out loud- he wasn't exactly all there until he swallowed his food. "What's this called, again?" he asked hazily as he sipped at the spiced tea, the perfect accompaniment to the meal.

"Chana masala," she repeated proudly. "With basmati rice, naan, and chai tea. I learned it from the wife of a spice trader back when I was fourteen, but I didn't really start to perfect it 'til the first summer I spent in Bombay, when I learned a new recipe from a surprisingly dexterous elephant who'd grown up in the north. Coincidentally, that was also the summer I lost my virginity."

Shifu, who'd been drinking his tea as he listened to the story, spat his drink halfway across the table and burst into a fit of coughing.

"What?" she asked defensively. "It wasn't with the elephant, even _I_ can't handle _that_." Then, after Shifu had calmed down she added, "He was a thirteen-foot long python."

"I am _trying_ to _eat_," he ground out, glaring at her.

Po had to admit, he could have also lived without that information, and he'd say most of the table agreed with him.

Except Mantis, of course. "My first was a black widow," he offered up enthusiastically. "Looking back, I probably shoulda known better."

Monkey laughed at the comment, elbowing the insect. "How'd you get out of that one?"

"By being _really_ fast," he chuckled back, then paused, apparently realizing what he'd just said. "That came out wrong."

All of them save Tigress and Shifu joined in the laughter at that proclamation, and Viper even teased him with a well-placed, "Sounds like there's something you want to confess!"

Mantis took it all in good humor, as usual. "Aw, c'mon, guys! Why don't we go around the table, huh?" At the uproar of protests which followed the suggestion, his shook his head in disappointment. "I guess not everyone can be so brave."

Grinning at how the entire exchange had sparked conversation and laughter at the table, Po glanced at Tigress, only to see that she hadn't relaxed a single bit since the start of the meal. She had barely even touched her food, though that might just have been because she wasn't used to the spice.

"Po, how's your training in Dragon style going?" Crane suddenly asked, and he sensed that the focus of the table had shifted toward him.

"Slow but steady," he answered, sensing the perfect opening to bring Tigress into the conversation and lighten her mood a little. "I think I made a little progress today, but it's only 'cause of Tigress's advice."

She looked a little startled at the mention of her name, but said nothing.

"What did she tell you to do?" Shifu asked, eyeing his two students with interest.

Po answered when Tigress still didn't say anything. "She suggested I read through the scroll again, and it really helped. But I'm sure she's got a lotta more interestin' stuff to talk about- she's been readin' up on nerve attacks and-"

"That's enough, Po," Tigress snapped, looking if anything even more unhappy.

He didn't understand why until he caught sight of the glare Shifu was sending her way, and he realized too late that he shouldn't have opened his big mouth. "What- what I really meant was, uhm..." he attempted to amend, "That she, uhm-"

"Save the excuse, panda." Surprisingly enough, Lin had been the one to interrupt him. And then she reached up, grabbed Shifu's ear hair, and gave it a tug.

"Ouch!" he yelped, then batted her hand away.

"I'm pretty sure I know why you're mad," she informed him. "And it's a stupid reason. So do us all a favor and don't start. Just relax and eat your dinner."

"You do not understand-"

"Really? You _really_ wanna start in at the dinner table?"

Shifu glowered at her, then begrudgingly shoved some food into his mouth. "Happy?"

"I'd be happier ifya didn't talk with your mouth full," she shot back, then addressed the rest of the table. "So lemme tellya all about the short stint I spent living in a village of red pandas in the Himalayas."

Po glanced at Tigress again while Lin launched into her story (which Shifu kept angrily interrupting) to see that she looked even more tense than before. He felt awful that he'd only worsened her mood and he wished there was something he could do to make amends, but she often just wanted to be alone when she felt down. Not only had it proven more difficult to gain her friendship than the friendship of the other masters at the Jade Palace, but it also was more difficult to _keep _that friendship.

Tigress, maybe because she had never had many close friends, maybe because she had become used to focusing most of her time and effort solely on kung fu, was just plain distant. He'd tried so many times already to break through her thick shell, only to be repelled again and again. He liked to think, though, that every time he bumped up against that shell he at least left a small crack behind.

* * *

Lin sat underneath the peach tree, ruminating on recent events as she stared out at the lights of people's homes down in the valley. There were so many of them, the valley below almost matched the starry sky above. The view had always been one of her favorite parts of the small outcropping- that and the peaches. She wondered if she would be around to see the sapling grow enough to start producing peaches, though it was a little morbid of her to do so. Still, she found it hard not to think of death lately, especially in a place so clearly marked by Oogway's spirit.

She reminded herself that the main subject of her concentration remained _alive_, and that she needed to find out what had happened to him. She had made no progress since her last meditation, not that she'd expected any different. Tai Lung may have been a hulking, six-foot-tall snow leopard with a bad attitude and a worse reputation, but that unfortunately didn't make him any easier to find. He was smart- smart enough to lay low, anyway- and faster, stronger, and more agile than almost anyone else in the entire country. It wouldn't be a problem for him to hide, and with everyone except her convinced of his death, she had absolutely nowhere to start. Even on the off-chance that someone _did_ find some minor clue as to Tai Lung's whereabouts, they'd be too complacent to recognize it for what it was. Not to mention she didn't even know how to start looking; she couldn't very well walk around telling people she suspected the most infamous criminal in the recent history of the valley was alive, then ask if they knew anything. Besides, the most likely sources of information were people who had been close with him, and he'd severed all those ties before his disappearance.

In essence, Tai Lung had pulled a vanishing act. She didn't like it, but there wasn't much she could do about it. She couldn't talk it out with anyone at the Jade Palace, either; the only one of Shifu's students who'd even believe her was Po. And he was such a sensitive kid, she didn't want to throw him into a tizzy- plus, she got the feeling that he was a little bit of a blabber-mouth. As for Shifu himself... She didn't see any upside to essentially telling him, "By the way, your estranged son whose death you won't acknowledge but are secretly upset about is actually alive. How do I know? 'Cause I can feel it in the universe." She could only imagine what his reaction to that would be like. And, to be honest, even if she had proof she doubted she'd tell any of the kung fu masters. She didn't want anyone charging in and trying to finish Tai Lung off. True, he had done horrible things and had threatened her life, but she couldn't give up hope that he hadn't become a complete lunatic. But if he _were _a lunatic, at least he'd be easier to find.

She sighed, her shoulders slumping as she resigned herself to the proverbial wall she had run into. The only thing she could think to do until she could find at least one clue as to where Tai Lung might be was to meditate more. So she closed her eyes and let herself go. However, she let herself go a little too far, and soon found herself nodding off, no matter how hard she fought it.

And then, in the fuzzy in-between of sleep and full consciousness, as she fought to stay alert, she heard it: a voice. Of course, she often heard voices calling out to her when she was on the cusp of sleep, startling her awake; that was simply what happened when she began to dream before she'd fully fallen asleep. This time, however, the voice was clearer than anything she'd heard before. And it was familiar. "I knew you would come back."

Her eyes flew open and she jumped so badly that she actually fell over backwards. She'd known that the peach tree provided a strong connection to both Oogway and the "spiritual plane" or whatever people wanted to call it, but she hadn't expected to hear the old turtle speak. She stared up into the branches of the peach tree, her heart still racing, as a leaf gently fluttered down and landed smack dab in between her eyes. "This isn't happening to me," she reassured herself, brushing the leaf off her face with a shaking hand as she lay there, waiting for another sign to present itself. After a half a minute that felt more like half a day, she called out. "Hello? Oogway?" Of course, she received no answer. "You there, old man?" She still heard nothing.

She finally pushed herself back up into a sitting position, rubbing at her face as she contemplated what had just happened to her. There was no way Oogway could be speaking to her from beyond the grave- he may have lived to be a thousand years old, and he may have had more spiritual chops than anyone else on the planet, but that didn't mean he could retain enough consciousness after death to actually _contact_ her. Unless...

She turned and eyed the tree behind her, its leaves swaying innocuously in the gentle breeze. Oogway had imprinted strongly on that tree- and people often experienced strange phenomena around such places. "That couldn'ta been you," she directed at the tree, though what really scared her was the fact that she couldn't think of any good reason why the voice couldn't have come from the peach tree. Aside from the fact that she found the whole idea _absurd_. "I'm losing my mind," she concluded aloud.

"Well, that kinda sucks."

"What're you doing up here?" She had come to expect that Shifu would come find her at the peach tree- and only Shifu- so this new guest's appearance was a surprise.

"I dunno," Po answered much in the way a guilty child would as he finished climbing the last of the stairs, then held out the lantern in his hand. "Need some light?"

Lin stared at the lantern a moment before answering. "Not the kind you can wrap up in paper and hand to a person."

"...So that's a no?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Siddown, panda," she sighed, indicating the spot next to her.

"The name's Po, actually," he corrected, as if he actually thought she didn't know his name by then.

She made no comment, and instead leaned back on her hands, stretched her legs out in front of her, and turned her gaze to the view past the edge of the cliff. A large full moon hung heavy in the night sky, which was so clear that she could see a couple of planets shining along with the stars.

"So... You spend a lotta time up here?" Po plopped down beside her with a dull thud, then reached behind him and attempted to pull his drooping pants back up.

"You the superstitious type, panda?" she shot back, ignoring his small talk. She could tolerate small talk sometimes, but she could tell just by looking at the panda that he was the type to drag it out to painful lengths of time out of sheer awkwardness.

"Um... I dunno." He shrugged as he attempted repeatedly to cross his legs into lotus position. "I mean, I believe in all the kung fu legends and- and magic and stuff. And I guess I believe in spirits and demons, too. But there's nothin' wrong with that, lotsa people believe in that stuff." He eventually gave up the fight and copied her position.

"Hm," she hummed as she continued to waffle back and forth about whether the voice had just been her imagination or a genuine phenomenon.

"What, you don't believe in any o' that?" He sounded a little surprised.

"Not entirely," she replied vaguely. "Magic's just a word for something people don't understand yet. But just 'cause it's unexplained, doesn't mean it's unexplainable. As for spirits and the lot... There're a lotta complicated grey areas. Sometimes I think I won't ever understand, even after I'm dead."

"Deep," he complimented.

"Thanks." She took a moment to contemplate the panda; Oogway had claimed he would not only bring peace to the valley, but to Shifu as well. And as much as she cared for Shifu, she'd be the first to admit that he lacked a certain... Wisdom. He was smart, certainly. But not wise. So clearly Oogway had seen wisdom in the bear that no one else had- or at least a capacity for it. He was young and had a lot to learn, but anyone with the tiniest bit of brain power could conclude that eventually, Po would be the next Grand Master of kung fu. She just wondered how Oogway had ever planned on him reaching his full potential in the wisdom department with a neurotic mess like Shifu as a teacher; a lot of it was innate, she could tell from the few interactions they'd had, and life experience played a big part... But it didn't hurt to have someone calm and wise around, too. "Panda, you're just about the only person around here who bothers talking to me besides Shifu," she pointed out, mainly to see how he would answer. "Why is that?"

He blinked down at her, as if he didn't understand the question. "Well why shouldn't I talk to ya? I mean, you're kinda a crazy old lady, no offense or anything. Like the kind who scares little kids and shares too much personal... Stuff. And hits on people... Inappropriately. And while I'm bein' honest already, I think you've probably killed a few people at some point. Definitely. But I don't think you'd hurt any of _us_, and you seem nice enough. Actually, nice isn't the word, 'cause you're not that nice. Um... You seem... Okay? Anyway, I likeya and any friend of Master Shifu's is a friend of mine. Plus you make good curry."

Lin stared back at him as she took in his assessment of her. Most of it had been dead-on (though she only _wished_ she could scare children away). "One correction: I make _great_ curry."

"Yeah," he agreed enthusiastically, a dreamy smile spreading over his face. "And that naan, with the fresh butter melted on top..."

"Hey, Shifu can afford it," she pointed out, grinning at the memory of how furious he'd been about the expense of the meal. Clearly, he'd never seen the way _other_ rich people ate. "Y'know, as a favor from one cook to another, I'd really appreciate it if you'd put in a good word for me with your friends. Consider it thanks for the curry."

"Aw, I'm sure they'll start to likeya... Soon... Eventually." He cringed at the flat glare she gave him. "Yeah, okay. I'll put in a good word."

"Thanks."

"Call me crazy, but I thought at least Master Shifu'd get along withya," he pointed out, and all she could muster in reply was a derisive snort. "C'mon, you gotta let me in on the big secret- everyone's been wonderin'. How'd you two even get to be friends in the first place?"

"I doubt your friends have so little to do." She assumed if they _did_ have any questions, they'd at least come forward and ask. "But I'll tellya if you promise to keep it to yourself. Got it, panda?"

He nodded vigorously, then leaned in a bit closer, his excitement resembling that of a young child listening to a bedtime story.

"Well, I was the cook around here, once upon a time. Back when I was young and stupid... And all on my own." It was the perfect time, in her opinion, for a smoke.

"Yeah, but I mean, just 'cause you cooked here doesn't mean Shifu'd automatically likeya. Unless you were... Um..." He awkwardly cleared his throat, but she'd already deduced his meaning.

"I was worse back then," she clarified. "Had much more of a temper, spent a lotta time looking for fights. I drank like a fish when I thought I could get away with it. And worst of all, Tai Lung took a shine to me right off the bat."

"Why was that bad?"

"Shifu hated me at first sight. He thought I was a bad influence on the kid- which I was, but that's neither here nor there." As she lit her pipe, she took note of the fact that he didn't so much as lean back to escape the smoke; clearly he was interested in the story. "To be honest, the more I acted like an asshole, the more Shifu started hanging around me. He pretended to think I was up to something, but looking back I think he just had a little crush that he didn't wanna acknowledge."

"So I guess that's where the, uhm... The 'grab-assing' came in." He grimaced as he spoke, as if the mere mention of such a thing made him queasy.

She couldn't help but laugh at him; she was liking the panda more and more as time went on. "We were together... I think the grand total was a little more'n a week."

"_A week?_" he repeated incredulously. "That's it?"

"Well we'd already been alternating between enemies and friends for about three months by then," she pointed out. "It wasn't like we only _knew_ each other for a week."

"And you wanna get back together with him? I mean, even three months isn't that long. No offense."

"I know," she sighed, unable to deny the ridiculousness of her actions in the face of logic. "You got no idea how many times I said that to myself. I wasn't even sure if coming back here was the right thing to do. But I think he's warming up to me. Right?"

"Well, he _did_ overturn the vote about you staying." He began to nervously twiddle his thumbs and she realized that she'd probably divulged a little too much information.

"Sorry," she grumbled. "Every conversation with me seems to eventually turn to the melon head. I'm obsessed."

"I wouldn't say _obsessed_," he reassured her. "Maybe more... Fixated."

"Love is complicated, panda."

Of course, he had something optimistic to say about it. "It's better 'an nothin', right?"

Sometimes, she really did wonder. But he was still young and hopeful, and probably had a few romances of his own ahead of him, perhaps devoid of the hollow, lonely ache of one-sided love. Even if not, it would be better for him to learn on his own. So she resisted the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, and tell him that nothing was the easiest, most comfortable thing in the world and he should hang onto it for dear life, because the moment he left it behind there would be no returning. Instead, she said, "You're right. It is." Then she stuck the calabash pipe back in her mouth and tried not to think about where it had come from.

Po watched her for a bit, clearly conflicted about what to do or say next. Finally, he asked, "You got a lotta baggage, dontchya?"

She laughed at the question, smoke escaping from her mouth in small spurts. "You got no idea."

* * *

A/N: Writing this chapter _really_ put me in the mood for Indian food. Which is a shame, seeing as I don't have any. Speaking of which, the side of me that cares about food more than anything else needs me to mention that, yes, chana masala would more likely be eaten with a fried flat bread such as chole bhature, but naan is generally more recognizable outside of India and I enjoy it greatly with all curries, including chana masala.

And for those of you paying close attention, you might notice that the goat running the apothecary was a shout-out to Nievelion's character Ning Guo.

Next chapter: Lin and Tigress. Together. Alone. Place your bets now.


	4. Never Trust a Skinny Cook

A/N: I'd like to start off by once again thanking my generous reviewers. I really wish I could churn this out faster than once a month, but hopefully I'll be able to pick up the pace soon, as I've finally gotten a timeline/outline solidly in place. And the new movie teaser out will certainly help motivate me- is it weird or geeky to say I'm looking forward to seeing more of the beautiful work Dreamworks' texturing department showed us in the first movie? Yes. But I just needed to share that. Anyway, enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: Dreamworks, something about a panda, you know the rest.

* * *

Chapter 4: Never Trust a Skinny Cook

* * *

After about two hours of surprisingly deep sleep, Lin cracked her eyes open in the morning light and wiped the drool off of her face. She felt like she had been hit by a boulder rolling down a particularly steep mountain, but she didn't see how she could expect anything else with the number of hours she had been clocking at that damn orphanage lately. It was worth it, though. After all, if it hadn't been worth it, she wouldn't have started to begin with. Still, she couldn't finish up her work only at night (there was only so much lantern oil she could use), so she'd been spending a few days there as well- and being around that many children at once only further cemented her belief that she had done the right thing in never becoming a mother. Honestly, she didn't know what had come over her in the first place- aside from the draw of the circular shape of the building. Still, she had known that it was an orphanage and she had known she'd have very little time to complete her work before the colder autumn months set in. And while she_ did_ work quickly to begin with, she'd still had to step up her pace in the past week as the temperature began to drop, the morning mist lingered for longer, and the days became more windy.

She finally crawled out of bed and changed into some fresh clothes, even though she probably needed a bath, what with multiple colors of paint stuck in her fur and smeared on her hands. But before anything else, she wanted to spend some time up at the peach tree, meditating as usual. The calming energy the tree exuded helped her focus, and if she needed anything at all lately it was focus. She figured it wouldn't hurt to take a nice, leisurely walk there along the path behind the barracks, either.

Lin stretched her arms and let out a silent yawn as she walked along the overgrown path, daydreaming about how wonderful it would be to crawl back into bed and pull her blanket over her head. However, that daydream was abruptly interrupted by reality when she rounded a bend and nearly walked straight into Tigress, who had been headed toward the barracks. Her first instinct was to simply turn around and walk away, but she resisted the urge; it was time to stop keeping her distance. She couldn't spend the rest of her life running away from someone she technically lived with. "Uh," she blurted out, since she figured she should say something. "G'morning."

The glare the other woman shot her was admittedly intense, but she had been in enough mortal danger to recognize the impotence in the tiger's rage. "Master Lin," she greeted stiffly.

Lin had to admit, she liked the sound of the honorific, but she couldn't ask someone who so obviously hated her to use it. "You don't gotta call me Master," she sighed. "I generally don't recognize honorifics."

"_Are_ you a master?" Tigress asked abruptly.

"Well, yeah," Lin admitted sheepishly.

"Then it is respectful to call you Master," she shot back. "Not that I have any respect for you as a person."

While the comment hadn't exactly stung- Lin had grown used to people reacting to her as such- it still caught her off-guard. She hadn't expected such a shamelessly confrontational attitude after the younger woman had pretty much ignored her for most of the time she'd spent at the Jade Palace. "Maybe we should talk," she suggested. While she generally amused herself by provoking people, she possessed enough wisdom to know when to stop acting like a jackass.

"I honestly don't see anything to talk about."

"Aw, don't put yourself down. I'm sure you can thinka _something_ to talk about." She realized at the way Tigress's glare intensified that she had probably misinterpreted the comment.

"If you want to talk so much, then why don't you tell me what you are doing here?"

She had to literally bite down on her tongue to keep herself from blurting out, "Trying to screw your dad." She had a feeling if something like that _did_ escape her mouth, it would be the last thing she ever said. She also doubted that the pathetic truth of, "I'm in love with your dad and I'm trying to make him love me back," would go over well, either. "Uhm," was all she really managed to get out.

"This is a waste of my time," Tigress concluded, then started to walk away.

Because she was an idiot, Lin stopped her. "Wait a minute."

She actually stopped to listen, too, although she looked even more disgruntled than before.

"Look, I got a lotta reasons for coming back here," she tried to level with the admittedly intimidating tiger. "It's kinda a complicated issue for me. Believe it or not, there was once a time when this was my home, too. And... I'm just trying to come home, okay?"

"Perhaps," came Tigress's biting response, "you should start looking for a _new_ home." While her behavior was reminiscent of Shifu's, her remarks held none of the sarcastic wit and humor behind Shifu's usual insults. Instead, the woman's words were so humorless and direct that they were practically soul-crushing. This kind of harshness formed the backbone of the kung fu master's reputation throughout the country, though it was far worse being her target than merely hearing of her ire.

Lin couldn't help but remember one particular rumor of Tigress making Po cry when he first became the Dragon Warrior, and for the first time she could see a grain of truth in it. "I don't think I'm gonna do that," she answered levelly; she realized she was treading dangerous waters, but she had learned in her fifty-five years to never back down from a confrontation, verbal or otherwise. Although, if the confrontation _did_ escalate beyond verbal she doubted she'd fare well.

"You_ do_ realize that you're not welcome here." Tigress flexed her fingers as she spoke, the threat of physical violence clear in her actions.

"I'd appreciate it if you lightened up on the intimidation tactics." She considered herself an experienced enough gambler to be able to spot a bluff, even in the most deadpan of opponents. "You think I'm gonna suddenly forget you're a kung fu warrior? We both know it'd be dishonorable for you to attack me unless in defense of yourself or someone else. And while I don't know you too well, you don't seem like the dishonorable type to me." She resisted the urge to flinch as Tigress clenched her hands into fists; she didn't fancy the idea of losing any more teeth. "Look, I know you don't like me. I get it. But I don't get _why_ you apparently hate me so much that you're fantasizing about beating me to death right now. Most people don't get to that point until I've publicly defamed 'em, and as far as I can remember, I ain't really done anything to you."

"You have done absolutely nothing but disrespect the Jade Palace, its residents, and its traditions from the first moment you arrived here." She sounded pretty familiar with that line. "You are prideful, you are arrogant, and you show little regard for those around you."

"I'm gonna letya in on one of life's many intriguing secrets," she returned, keeping her tone friendly. "Every family has that one relative no one likes, yet they live with 'em 'cause somehow, they're obligated. Consider me that relative."

"I have no obligation to you. As far as I'm concerned, the Jade Palace is not your home, nor will it ever be."

"So I'm guessing that if I offer to treatya to breakfast or something in an effort for us to get to know each other better, it won't go over too well," Lin concluded, resisting the urge to wince as the feline's glare intensified. "Areya sure? 'Cause I could really go for dim sum..." She trailed off as she realized that it was _not_ going to happen. "Ifya ever change your mind, I'm almost always in the mood for dim sum. In fact, the only time I'm _not_ in the mood for dim sum is when I'm in the mood for curry."

"Do not expect to be able to ingratiate yourself to me with food," Tigress snapped. "I am not so easily bribed. If you want acceptance here, you won't get it with dim sum or curry."

"Whaddaya prefer, then? Tofu? I can make it steamed with pandan leaves, then serve it with peanuts and day lily buds over rice, I'll bet you'd like that."

"What I would _like_ is for you to show a bit more respect to those around you," came the scathing reply.

"I guess that's a 'no' on the tofu," she concluded forlornly; after talking the dish up, she sort of wanted to try some herself. "So gimme an example of what I can do for this whole 'respect' thing." Of course, she wasn't so completely out of touch that she had no concept of respect, but for her offering to cook a meal for someone was in itself a sign of respect and good will, so clearly the two of them had different standards regarding the term. She probably should have communicated that to Tigress in some way, though, since the younger woman was practically gritting her teeth after hearing the request.

"You may find yourself charming," she ground out, "but you're the only one. If you won't stop _leeching_ off of the Jade Palace and those of us who _belong_ here, then at least have the decency not to rub it in my face- if you even possess any decency at all." She stormed off after the short lecture, and Lin couldn't stop a sigh of relief from escaping.

"Talk about tightly wound," she muttered to herself as she watched the kung fu master walk away, rubbing at her shoulders to release the tension that had built up there. She felt as if she might explode just from _interacting_ with the woman- then again, she probably shouldn't have expected anything else from someone who'd been raised by a walking hemorrhoid. Still, Tigress and Shifu didn't seem to be very close, and while she was no stranger to people having distant relationships with their parents, she got the feeling it wasn't exactly a desired situation. And of course the moment she thought of it a little niggling voice in the back of her head reminded her, "Don't get involved."

And she would absolutely _not_ get involved; she had enough on her plate as it was. She needed to somehow figure out what had happened to Tai Lung, she needed to finish up her work at Bao Gu, and she still needed to find some way to get Shifu's students to start liking her. If Tigress's reaction to her was anything to judge by, that was going to be an uphill battle. Well, Po seemed to like her alright, so that was a start.

Her ears perked up as she approached the peach tree, the sound of flute music drifting down from the outcropping. It had been a long time since she'd heard that music; she remembered the last time she'd listened to Shifu play the flute. He'd been convinced she'd make fun of him, but she'd thought the music was beautiful, and she was glad to hear it again. When she climbed the stairs to the peach tree and saw him sitting under it, playing his flute, she couldn't help but smile.

His ears twitched back toward her, and he immediately stopped playing. "Not one word," he warned.

She laughed at his reaction, then plopped down on the grass beside him. "Is that the same flute you've always had?"

"Yes."

"Yeesh, that thing's older 'an I am." She reached out and stuck her finger in the end of the flute, grinning when he yanked the instrument out of her reach.

"So where have you been for the past week?" he asked with a disgruntled frown. "You found someone else to torment?"

"Just trying to finish up at Bao Gu," she dismissed with a wave of her hand, then sidled closer to him. "So, why dontchya play a song for me?"

"Not even if you paid me," he grumbled. "And are you ever going to tell me what you have been doing at Bao Gu orphanage? Furthermore, why would _anyone_ in their right mind let you within the same _province_ as a group of vulnerable orphans?"

"Don't worry about it," she replied. "It's nothing."

"Hmph," he huffed, eyeing her suspiciously. "You still refuse to tell me _anything_. You talk about getting to know each other, yet you spend hours out and about and you refuse to tell me what you are doing."

"Maybe 'cause it's nunya business," she pointed out, though she had to admit she really had no good reason to keep him in the dark. "I'll tellya what I'm working on when I'm done working on it."

"Why not now?" he pressed, because that was simply the kind of person he was.

She knew the answer to that question, but she also knew that she could never tell him the truth: that she wanted to impress him. "An artist never reveals her work before it's finished."

"I am sure you had an entire list of excuses ready for me." He could be such a sourpuss, sometimes. Well, most of the time. "And what am I even paying you for if you are constantly gone, working elsewhere?"

"Gimme an assignment, then," she shot back. "Anything at all, just name it. You want a painting, a print, something like that? Copper plates, wood blocks, limestone- or maybe you want some screen-printed posters? I could do a limited run of monochromatic..." She trailed off at the blank look on his face. "You got no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"I normally don't get involved with those kinds of details," he admitted.

"Then why d'you wanna know what I'm doing at Bao Gu?" She wondered if she'd be faced with the same blank stare if she _did_ try to tell him.

"I only want to know what you have been up to. You leave here before lunch and you stay out all night- what kind of project requires so much attention?"

"The kind that I like the best," she answered. "Why? D'you miss me?"

"Hardly," he scoffed. "But after a while the peace and quiet starts to feel ominous."

"You miss me," she concluded, ignoring the derisive snort he let out. "C'mon, if you didn't care, you wouldn'ta stood up for me to keep me around."

"Speaking of which, have you put any effort at all into being nice to my students?"

"You mean sucking up?" she shot back. "I been busy. But Po likes me-"

"Po likes everyone," he interrupted flatly.

"The others seem pretty neutral, I'll bet I could win 'em over," she reasoned. "Except for Tigress."

"That comes as no surprise to me," he accepted, as if it hadn't even occurred to him that she'd ever had any chance of getting on his daughter's good side.

"A little warning woulda been nice," she grumbled, though he actually seemed amused. "Maybe you should talk to her," she suggested.

"Why?"

"'Cause you're her father, she hates me, and I'm pretty sure she wants me dead."

"I am sure she does not want you dead," Shifu dismissed, though he didn't sound too sure of himself. "You are simply... Difficult to get used to. And Tigress is not the most welcoming person in the world."

"Hm, I wonder where she gets _that_ from," she mused aloud.

He glared at her a moment, though he didn't protest the sarcastic comment. "_You_ could put some _slight_ effort into getting along with her."

"What, you think I ain't been trying?" She really had to wonder what he thought of her, if he sincerely believed that she would intentionally antagonize his daughter. "I've done as much as I know how to do."

"That is what scares me."

"Wouldya _talk to her_ for me, please?" She leaned over to give him a nudge with her shoulder and attempted to look as sad and pathetic as possible. "_Please?_" She let out a quiet sniffle, just to be sure.

"You are so manipulative that it is mind-boggling," he grumbled, though she could see a faint blush rising in his cheeks. "You may put away your crocodile tears, they won't work on me."

"They _always_ work on you," she argued back. "Why d'you think I use 'em to begin with?" She leaned in closer to whisper into his ear, mostly because she knew how uncomfortable it would make him, and partly because she thought it was cute when his ears twitched. "I'll makeya a deal: you talk to Tigress for me, and I'll letya hold my hand."

He recoiled from her and shot her a scandalized look, as if she had suggested some kind of kinky sexual act- not that she was above such a suggestion. "What does that mean?"

"It's a secret code for anal sex," she replied in hushed tones. "You can help me with the enema ifya want."

"You are making fun of me, aren't you?"

"I am, but I could be serious ifya want me to be." The sad part of the statement was that she meant it. "Just tell me where I need to be and I'm all yours."

"Well you are clearly- wait, what?"

"Nevermind," she rushed out. "What were we, uhm, talking about?"

He frowned at her, crossing his arms. "Must you constantly make such obscene jokes?"

It took considerable effort for her to regain her composure in the face of her starved sex drive vying for a bite to eat, but somehow she managed to do it. "It's part of my job description."

"Then you're fired."

"You'll never find anyone better 'an me to fill the position," she warned, then gave his beard a playful tug. "And admit it, you don't _want_ anyone else filling _that_ position."

He retaliated with a hard poke in her side. "I am seventy years old, I don't have the energy for any of your _positions_ anyway."

She had to admit, he'd gotten in a better shot than she'd expected. "Don't go saying something like that, you might drive me into the arms of a younger man."

"Imagine his surprise when he eventually realizes that you are not in need of resuscitation."

"I may not be in need of resuscitation, but my sex life sure is. Aren't _you_ in charge of handling emergencies around here?"

"Oh come now," he mocked, rolling his eyes. "How long has it been? _An hour?_"

"Try a month," she sighed wistfully. "Y'know how when people lose limbs they get that ghost-limb sensation?"

"I _do not_ want to hear the rest of that!" he snapped, grimacing at her. "And what do you mean _a month?_ You have only been here for two weeks!"

"I know, I was expecting you to put out a lot sooner."

"I am done with this conversation," he suddenly declared, shooting to his feet as if his ass had caught fire. "Clearly, you do not take _anything_ at all seriously, least of all _me_." He was actually angry, as if his moods weren't difficult enough to deal with already.

"What's _your_ problem all of a sudden?" She couldn't help but take on a defensive tone at his unexpected mood swing.

"I know that by now it must be second nature for you to make all these sexual comments, but if it is not too much trouble for you I would like to be shown a _little_ consideration. I think I deserve that much."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing at first. She could have been mistaken, but it seemed like he was angry not because she hit on him so freely, but that she had done so to other men. "...Are you _jeal-_"

"No, I am not jealous," he interrupted, bristling at the question. "I am-"

"Feeling devalued 'cause I've slept with other men and you think that makes you less special?" While she was insulted by the fact he thought he was at all justified in getting angry at her for _her_ sex life which was her own business, she couldn't help but feel a little twinge of hope that he cared at all.

"This is ridiculous," he huffed, "and I have better things to do than stand here and talk to you about your _business_."

For once, she decided not to fight. "Aw, c'mon," she coaxed, patting the spot where he'd been sitting. "Ifya wanna change the subject, all you gotta do is say something. I got no problem talking about other stuff." After all, she hadn't been able to spend very much time with him lately, and the last thing she wanted was for him to storm off in a tizzy because she'd hit some kind of sore spot of his.

"Hm, I'm sure," he replied sarcastically, but he didn't run off.

"Siddown, already," she ordered, though she kept her tone gentle. "I feel like you're trying to run away from me."

"That is because I _am_," he grumbled, but he sat down next to her anyway. "Yet somehow you always manage to ensnare me."

"Maybe 'cause you _wanna _be ensnared," she suggested, then took a chance and gently nudged his hand with her fingers.

"...Very well, I will talk to Tigress," he agreed reluctantly. He hesitated a moment, then grabbed hold of her hand, a disgruntled frown planted firmly on his face.

"Thanks." She grinned at him, giving his hand a squeeze. "Y'know, I already toldya if you wanna hold my hand I wouldn't judge."

"Don't make me regret this," he warned.

"I'll give it a shot." She wanted to kiss him, but it was_ way _too soon. She was thankful, though, that she at least had the sense to know it- not that she hadn't developed such common sense through painful experience. "So what's this moment of tenderness all about, anyway?"

"Let us say that it is the sign of a truce," he replied stiffly. "In the spirit of friendship."

She couldn't help but make fun of him. "Y'know, sometimes I really gotta wonder how you managed to stay single all these years."

"Make fun of me all you want," he huffed. "If you didn't enjoy holding my hand then you wouldn't have offered." Apparently he knew her better than he'd let on.

"Well at least the hair on your palms catches the sweat."

"Lovely, glad to hear it."

"I only said it in the spirit of friendship," she shot back, as an incredibly mean idea came to her. "Y'know what _else_ is real friendly?"

"What would that be?" he asked dubiously, though he was clearly intrigued.

Without another word she slid into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, waggling her eyebrows at him as she did so.

"Get off of me!" he snapped, immediately flushing bright red.

Of course she knew he'd get angry and embarrassed by the action, which was entirely the point. "You can squeeze a little more'n my hand, _sweet_ _thing_." She didn't know why she enjoyed torturing him so much, but his amusing reactions probably had something to do with it.

"I am only going to tell you one more time," he warned.

"Oh, man, sorry!" a voice suddenly rang out behind them. "Didn't mean to interrupt!"

Shifu jumped to his feet like he'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, his fur frizzing in surprise.

Lin, meanwhile, landed squarely on her backside. "Well, that's _one_ way to get rid of me," she grumbled as she looked back and forth between him and Po. "What's the good word, panda?"

"Uhm, nothin', I was just leavin'," he replied nervously as he backed away. "You guys... Keep on... Doin' what you're doin'."

"We were not doing _anything!_" Shifu snapped, his tail still frizzier than a Himalayan with hemorrhoids. "There is nothing to interrupt!"

"Just our lovemaking," Lin added casually as she pushed herself to her feet and brushed the grass off her behind.

"Okay, then, have fun," the panda rushed out, quickening his pace.

"She is a liar!" Shifu shouted at him, pointing accusingly to Lin. "Po, don't you _dare_ listen to her!"

"One minute he wants to hold hands," she went on, ignoring him, "and the next he's-"

"Bwah!" Po interrupted her. "I don't need to hear anythin' else!"

"Panda!" Shifu scolded. "I am your _Master_, do not walk away from me!" However, he was too late.

Po had already stuck his fingers in his ears and started chanting to himself, "La la la la la la la!"

"Po!" he called as his student turned tail and ran. "Get back here!" He watched Po's retreating back in bewilderment.

Lin, meanwhile, could only laugh. She hadn't expected anyone to arrive at the peach tree and see their less than intimate moment, but she couldn't have asked for a better witness.

"Why do I even bother speaking to you in the first place?" he growled at her.

"'Cause you secretly wanna get it on with me, but you're too much of a prude to act on it. That's my theory, anyway." She eyed him for a moment, trying to gauge precisely how incensed he was, but he didn't seem any angrier than usual.

"_You_," he growled at her, pointing accusingly in her face, "are a querulous, profligate _harpy_."

"I see you've been hitting the old thesaurus," she commented, untouched by his insults; she'd become used to his temper, which she had been surprised to find had somehow surpassed her own. Then again, she _did_ know precisely how to instigate him.

"Do not speak to me," he snapped, his eye twitching. "Do not _touch _me, _ever again_." With that, he whirled around and stormed off, apparently upset. He'd get over it.

She shook her head at his series of overreactions, then looked out over the mist-shrouded valley, not that the fog left anything to actually see. She'd had a busy morning, having already royally pissed off two of the most powerful kung fu masters in all of China. Though to be fair, both of them were generally pissed off most of the time anyway. Still, she doubted Shifu would attempt to put in a good word for her with Tigress after she'd embarrassed him so much in front of the Dragon Warrior. She didn't understand why he would even be embarrassed at all in front of Po, seeing as the kid was such a down-to-earth sweetheart, not at all what a person might think of upon hearing the title. But Shifu would be embarrassed in front of a clod of dirt, so she supposed Po's temperament didn't matter all that much to him.

She also had to wonder why he'd taken her up on her joking offer to let him hold her hand; she certainly hadn't expected him to accept. If he had romantic feelings for her, he sure had a funny way of showing it. She actually suspected that he had no idea what he wanted at the moment; certainly he would have trouble quelling memories of their former relationship, and that coupled with her familiarity and their newfound friendship probably confused the hell out of him. Not to mention all the personal crap he'd been going through lately. She couldn't blame him for being a little hot and cold. Still, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't annoyed by him and his bad attitude- which was one of the reasons she'd been intentionally torturing him. She just hoped it wouldn't be too long until he either made up his mind or loosened up a little. Though she doubted either would happen quickly enough to satisfy her. Until then, she'd just have to suck it up. As always.

* * *

Shifu fumed to himself as he headed across the grounds to the training hall in search of Tigress; he didn't know why he'd agreed to talk to her for Lin in the first place. It wasn't as if he'd been tempted by Lin's offer to hold his hand. It wasn't like she could bat her eyes at him and win him over anymore; for one thing, she had cataracts in one of them, which sometimes made her gaze a bit unnerving. Then again, just knowing what kind of mind lay behind that gaze made it unnerving.

In any case, he'd only grabbed hold of her hand out of some severely misplaced sense of nostalgia. Perhaps he'd been curious, too, as to whether she still had any feelings for him or whether she'd simply been playing a joke on him; he'd gotten his answer, unfortunately. Not that _he_ had any romantic inklings toward _her_- the very idea was absurd. They had only two weeks ago been reunited after a thirty-three year separation, and she'd spent much of that time away from the Jade Palace, apparently working. He hadn't had enough _time_ to develop feelings for her, not that he ever expected to. Lin only seemed interested in one thing in a man, and while he admittedly enjoyed that one thing, he certainly couldn't see himself falling for a woman who did not want a serious commitment, even if that woman had once been the love of his life. Although, he'd fallen for her three decades ago and she hadn't wanted a serious commitment back then, either. But she'd taught him his lesson when she left him without looking back.

He wondered, and not for the first time, what had compelled her to return. He knew practically nothing of her life in the time they'd spent apart (save for her sex life). She claimed to have no family, so what _had_ she left behind? Had she had a home, at least? Friends? Or had she had nothing, and no one? Perhaps she had returned because she'd indeed had nothing left- although, that would imply she'd had something to lose in the first place. He didn't believe she'd never had anything to lose, though. He'd experienced enough loss himself to see the signs in a person: the way they spoke of their past, they way they moved, and their eyes. He could see in her eyes that she had lost a lot- quite possibly everything.

It was one of the reasons he kept defending her to his students. Despite how downright enraging she could be, he wanted to show her that she still had _him_, even if only as a friend. And perhaps one day, when their friendship had grown strong enough, she would tell him about all the missing pieces to the puzzle.

In the meantime, he had a slightly more pressing matter to attend to. He walked into the training hall, nodding in approval when he saw his students hard at work- all except one. "Where is Tigress?"

All five of the kung fu warriors before him paused in their training and adopted guilty expressions.

He shook his head; clearly, they were hiding something. Luckily, he had learned over the years that a chain was only as strong as its weakest link. "Po, come here."

The panda abandoned the Jade Tortoise, where he'd been practicing his balance by sparring with Crane. "I'm sorry, Master," he blurted out as he executed a clumsy bow, still winded from the match that Crane had clearly been winning. "I didn't mean to interrupt you and Lin-"

"Forget that," Shifu grumbled; he didn't have the energy to try and explain the truth, so he simply moved on. "Where is Tigress?" He knew how awful of a liar Po was, if he even attempted to lie at all; the panda just didn't have the heart for it (which was a good thing, of course, especially when there was information to be gleaned).

"Uhmmmm," Po mumbled, twiddling his thumb as his eyes widened in fear. "I, uh, I dunno. Nowhere special."

"If you do not know where she is, how do you know that it is nowhere special?" Shifu shot back, watching the panda turn red under his scrutiny.

"Just a guess," he worked out in a high-pitched squeak, then cleared his throat. "But I could, uh, take a message. If ya want."

"She is studying the scroll for nerve attacks again, isn't she?" Shifu asked flatly, and he could tell from the way Po paled at the question that his guess had been correct. "I will be back." He left the training hall, ignoring the panda's protests that he was mistaken.

Once he arrived in the Hall of Warriors it was easy to spot Tigress standing at the archive of scrolls, reading; as he approached her he noted that she was indeed reading the scroll detailing nerve attacks. "Tigress." He couldn't keep his voice from taking on a harsh note at the sight of her deliberately disobeying his orders.

To her credit, she handled the discovery calmly, rolling up the scroll she had been reading and carefully returning it to its proper place before she bowed to him. "Master," she greeted levelly.

He doubted she'd hold her temper in check for much longer, but he had learned well over the years how to handle her fiery demeanor. "I see you are studying _nerve attacks_." He raised one eyebrow pointedly, waiting for a response.

"...Yes, Master. I was." Tigress had never been one to make excuses for herself; when she was called out on something, she owned up to it. As admirable a quality as it was, though, he couldn't very well praise her when she had been ignoring his authority.

"I thought I had specifically forbidden you from learning nerve strikes," he ground out. "My mind must be failing me in my old age."

The sarcastic comment set her off, as his digs often did. "I see no reason not to at least study the scroll!" she snapped. "Master, I am perfectly capable of learning this technique!"

"That is not the issue," he shot back, "and you know it. I have no doubts regarding your capabilities-"

"Then let me learn nerve attacks!" she interrupted harshly.

He took a deep breath, trying not to lose his temper with her. Losing his temper with someone like Lin was one thing; she'd only fight with him then either win the fight or storm off, eat a jar of cookies, and get over it. Tigress, however, would take such a fight to heart, and eventually blame herself. He certainly had been dense about many things in his lifetime, but he had raised the woman and he knew how much stock she put into his opinion. He also knew that, in her mind, everything was always her fault- if she was scolded, if something went wrong in battle, if anything in her life went wrong, she assumed it must have been because of some failing of hers. "You cannot chase after the accomplishments of others," he said in a level but strict tone. "You cannot try to live up to a reputation or an ideal." It was one of the many difficult lessons he had learned from his mistakes with Tai Lung. "And I will not allow you to try to do so."

"You think I'm not as strong as Tai Lung was?" she accused; it had been a long time since she'd so much as mentioned the snow leopard, though she clearly still felt overshadowed by him. "You think I cannot accomplish what he did?"

"What concerns me is that you are trying!" He couldn't believe that after all her years at the Jade Palace, after witnessing what he had done to Tai Lung, experiencing what he had done to _her_, she still wanted to continue such a path. "You cannot use Tai Lung as some sort of measuring stick for your own abilities! What do you even hope to accomplish by doing so?"

She didn't answer him; instead, she thinned her lips and turned to glower at the archive of scrolls. Her silence was not entirely unexpected; Tigress never talked about the things that were bothering her, and that hadn't changed any more than their relationship had.

"Tigress, I have no doubts about your abilities. I understand that you want to improve yourself as a warrior, but you are not going to do that by trying to be like Tai Lung." While he had chosen his words carefully, they had not been enough to prompt her to tell him how she was feeling.

Instead she let out a tense breath through her nose and said, "I understand, Master."

"Is there anything else you would like to discuss?"

"No." She hesitated for a moment before asking, "Is there anything else _you_ wanted to discuss, Master?"

He supposed he might as well bring it up, since she was asking. "Ahm, yes," he agreed, awkwardly clearing his throat as he imagined the negative reaction he was about to receive. "It's Lin."

A note of irritation immediately entered her voice. "What about her?"

"She is, um..." He trailed off, unsure of what to even say. "Well, she is a good friend and..." What _did_ Lin expect him to say, anyway? "...Just try not to let her get to you."

"She is _not_ getting to me," Tigress argued, her face falling into its usual glower. "But I don't see why she needs to be here in the first place. You don't even seem to like her-"

"Well I do," he interrupted sternly. "Our relationship is somewhat complicated, that is all. As my student, you should understand that it is important to me that she be accepted here, and as the leader of the Furious Five I expect you to show a little hospitality."

"Master, I am not the only one who is hesitant to accept her," she argued, and while Shifu suspected that was true, he wasn't blind, either. Tigress may not have been the only one hesitant to accept Lin, but she was the only one who gave off the impression of outright _hating_ the canine.

"That may be true," he agreed. "But you must realize that as a leader, you set a course for the others to follow in all respects. Besides... Lin thinks you want her dead."

Her glower darkened considerably at that bit of information. "So she put you up to this? Talking to me as if I am a child?"

"No, if you were a child I would punish you!" Shifu snapped, then paused to take a breath and attempt to reign his temper in. "Seeing as you are an _adult_," he went on, his voice quieter but still tense, "I am speaking with you as one."

"I don't even know why we're talking about this to begin with," Tigress spat out. "I have better things to do with my time, and telling me to like her isn't going to change anything."

"So you admit that you do not like her."

"Of course I don't like her!" Tigress burst out. "She's a conniving, manipulative, _smug_ little hairball!"

"You think I don't know that?" he argued back. "Of _course_ I know that! She is also rude, vulgar, completely full of herself, and- and-" He cut himself off and took another deep breath to calm himself. "And I put up with her."

"But _why_, Master?"

"If I knew, I would certainly tell you." He reached up to massage his temple; it wasn't the first time he'd had a headache because of Lin, and he doubted it would be the last. "The truth is, I never understood why I put up with her antics. Nevertheless, she is my friend, and I ask that you attempt to hide the fact that you want to physically pick her up and throw her as much as I do. Understood?"

She frowned at him, clearly unhappy with the direction the conversation had taken. Then, after some hesitation, she finally answered, "Yes, Master. I understand."

"Good." He nodded once to her, then turned to leave the hall. His day had been aggravating enough as it was; he just wanted to end their conversation and go meditate. Hopefully, said meditation would provide him with a little perspective. Or at least lower his blood pressure.

* * *

Guotin shook his head to himself as he watched a pretty young wolf unfold a large map and stare at it, perplexed. To stop in the middle of a road frequented mainly by thieves and bandits- such as himself- and advertise that she was lost was akin to climbing into a burning house and lying down for a nap. Not to mention a woman traveling alone was already a prime target. He'd been in the game for many, _many_ years, and the stupidity people displayed still astounded him. He almost felt bad sicking his men, who awaited his signal in the trees and bushes lining the road, on such a clueless young woman.

In fact, for many other bandit leaders it would be strange to even accompany his men on such a small patrol, anyway. But Guotin had been born with an excess of energy, and even after decades of living as an outlaw he still hadn't expended all of it. The old wolf liked to get as involved in his men's day-to-day work as possible, and if that meant sitting in some bushes in the woods in order to ambush a hapless young lady, he had done much more boring things in his life. Though to be honest, he'd never had much of a taste for attacking women- wooing them, on the other hand, was quite another story. Still, pickings had been slim lately and she looked well-fed enough to make it to the next town without her money and supplies.

"You there," she suddenly called out in his direction, yet no matter how hard he looked he couldn't see anyone else. "Excuse me," she repeated, waving directly at him despite the fact that he was well-concealed in the bushes. "You there, the large wolf! Yes, you!"

He couldn't believe what he was witnessing; the girl could actually _see_ him. He certainly wasn't small by any means- not for a wolf, anyway- but he still excelled at concealing himself and had never expected to be spotted with such ease. "Yeah?" he asked as he walked out into the road, brushing stray leaves off of himself. He may have been found, but the rest of his men still held the element of surprise.

"A few of your friends are leering at me," she huffed in a foreign accent he couldn't quite place, though it _did_ sound familiar.

He glanced around to see if anyone had slipped and allowed themselves to be seen, but his men were all still well-hidden. "...What?"

"In the trees," she specified. "The man with the knife and the archer. They are leering at me, and such behavior is disgraceful."

So maybe their element of surprise had been completely blown, after all. "Why didn't ya just tell 'em to stop? Why ask me?" He had a feeling that he was going to like this girl.

"Are you the leader?" she asked.

He couldn't believe his ears. "...Yeah."

"Then that is why." She was _good_.

"How?" he had to ask. "How'd ya do that?"

"If you all did not breathe so heavily from your mouths, you might have been able to sneak up on a deafened senior citizen." Then, to add insult to injury, she held out her map to him. "Now, will you help me, please? My sense of direction is not so good."

"Girlie, I'm afraid I dunno what to make of ya," he sighed, then raised his hand and made a short chopping motion, the signal for his men to back off; she'd earned it. Besides, having his band of outlaws rob her would probably put a damper on the flirting.

She glared up at him with big brown eyes, and he was given a brief sense of déjà vu, though he couldn't remember for the life of him who she reminded him of. "What is the meaning of that word?" she asked. "Did you insult me?"

He supposed he shouldn't have expected her to understand slang. "It's a compliment," he assured her.

"Good," she replied, her demeanor brightening considerably. "You are not nearly as rude as I had expected you to be." She smiled at him, and he could tell that her attention had been caught by the admittedly conspicuous scar over his missing left eye.

"Most ladies get kinda spooked by the eye," he informed her with a grin that probably looked more fitting on a man half his age. Then again, he hadn't survived so long by acting like an old man.

"I am not afraid of scars," she replied. "Everybody has at least one."

"Well said," he accepted, then leaned in closer to get a good look at her map, as well as get a closer look at her. She was, after all, quite the little cutie, even if her ears were kind of big. "Y'know, if you're not in too much of a hurry it'd be my honor to treatya to a drink."

"I have a long way to travel still," she rejected cheerfully. "I must keep going."

He couldn't say he hadn't at least tried. "Well, if we ever cross paths again, consider it an open invitation."

"I do not think we will cross paths again," she said so innocently that he doubted she had meant it to be insulting. "Now, I am wondering... Which road am I on?"

"You weren't kiddin' about that bad sense of direction." He took a moment to peer at her map, then pointed to the northwest corner of the Qinghai province; the actual road they were on was so small it hadn't even been marked off on her map. "You're right here. If ya keep goin' the way you been travelin', you'll meet up with this larger road here." He pointed to the road in question, which started in northeast Qinghai and wound through the northern provinces all the way to Beijing.

"That won't do at all," she sighed forlornly, shaking her head. "I need to go to Hunan province."

"And why's that?" He realized it was a bit of a nosy question, but it was a chance to extend their conversation, and he never passed up an opportunity to talk to a pretty young woman- even one who had already rejected him.

"I am looking for someone," she replied. "Someone very important."

"You're looking for someone important in _Hunan_ province?" He was no idiot; the only home to anyone even remotely well-regarded in Hunan was the Valley of Peace. Clearly, the woman was looking for a kung fu master. "Look, Girlie, I'm a pretty laid-back guy, but my contemporaries ain't so _relaxed_, if ya catch my drift. With the roads you're travelin' on, you gotta keep your head down, and sayin' you wanna find someone _important_ in _Hunan_ ain't exactly keepin' your head down."

"Oh my." She looked taken aback a moment, then nodded her head in compliance. "Thank you very much for telling me about that, sir. I should have known that a man such as you, who has lived for so long, would have such knowledge to share."

The suggestion that he was _old_ hurt just a bit- though he did realize he was starting to look his age, his once sleek black fur now coarse and speckled with grey and wrinkles apparent in his face. He liked to think of himself as less of an old man, though, and more of a handsome older gentleman. "You're only as old as you feel," he pointed out playfully. "And I definitely feel young enough to show a pretty young lady such as yourself a good time."

"That is nice," she brushed off, as if she hadn't even listened to him. "So what would you say is the best way to get to Hunan, then?"

"Dragon's Tongue Pass," he sighed, defeated. "You'll hafta get on that road I pointed out, the one that starts out east, until you're at the border of Shanxi and Hebei. Then you'll see this big rock that looks kinda like a dragon if ya tilt your head and squint at it, and if ya look under it you'll find a cave. That's the entrance to Dragon's Tongue Pass, and if ya keep on it, it'll bring ya down toward Shanghai, and you'll eventually find your way to the trade routes. From there, it should be smooth sailin'."

She stared at him as if the directions had gone in one ear and out the other, then started refolding her map. "Very well," she proclaimed, "I will take this Dragon is Hung Pass." The fact that she had no idea what she'd just said only added to the hilarity of her error, and he resisted the urge to laugh.

"_Dragon's Tongue_ Pass," he corrected, enunciating the words as clearly as possible.

"Dragon's Tongue," she repeated. "Yes, I will take that to the border of Shanxi and Hebei."

"No, you _won't_," he corrected, amazed that she hadn't gotten herself killed yet with her complete absent-mindedness in regards to where she was headed. "You are taking that other road I showed you- The Path of Falling Tears- to the border between Shanxi and Hebei. Then _that_ is where Dragon's Tongue Pass starts."

"All these roads sound so ominous," she commented obliviously, and in that moment he simply gave up.

"Yes," he accepted wearily. "Yes they do."

"But as you said, it is smooth sailing," she went on, and he didn't bother to correct her.

Somehow he doubted it would even matter to her. "Good luck finding your important person."

"Thank you," she said with complete sincerity, then placed one hand over her heart. "He truly is important to me. I hope that when I do finally reach him, he will accept me with open arms."

"I'm sure he will," Guotin assured her, then resisted the urge to add, "as long as he doesn't try to give you directions."

"Your kindness is much appreciated," she called out as she turned and ran off in the exact opposite direction of where he'd told her to go.

"Other way!" he shouted out to her, and with a blush of embarrassment she turned around.

"Thank you again!" She bowed slightly as she passed him. "I am off to this Dragon Song Pass!"

He wondered if the girl would ever make it to the Valley of Peace; if he had to guess, he'd say probably not. Then again, it was really none of his concern whether or not a woman he'd been about to rob reached her destination. It was just too bad that she'd turned down his invitation to have a drink; it had been a few weeks since he'd been with a woman.

It suddenly hit him: _that _was why she'd seemed familiar. She reminded him of someone he'd slept with- except younger and sweeter. Not that he didn't appreciate women of all ages and temperaments, which was why he liked to introduce a little variety into his life. And while he knew that he was way past due for settling down and producing an heir, he couldn't help but flirt with nearly every woman who crossed his path; after all, he was nothing if not a rolling stone. Besides, there would be other women, just as pretty as the girl who'd just turned him down, and twice as willing. And he sure as hell had no complaints about that.

* * *

Po waded through the early afternoon crowd on the village's main street as he headed to his dad's restaurant; Master Shifu had agreed to give him the afternoon off to go help out, since his dad had yet to find any new hires to take his place. Not that he minded- he loved cooking, and he loved helping his dad. He wouldn't give up what little time he could spend at the restaurant for the world, but the fact of the matter was that he couldn't always be around for the aging goose, and running the popular establishment was too much of a challenge for one person to handle. Still, Po knew that his dad had high standards when it came to noodles, and he wouldn't hire just anyone. It would take culinary skill bordering on miraculous- or a recommendation from Po- for Mr. Ping to hire on a new chef. Unfortunately, the valley was slightly lacking in miraculously skilled chefs and Po didn't know anyone looking for a job in noodles, so they were at an impasse.

He stopped at a small cart selling sweet potatoes, which had been boiled, then dried off and seared to develop a crispy skin. The season for sweet potatoes must have just started- he'd noticed the cooler air, but hadn't given it much thought, since he'd been so busy with kung fu. His mouth watered at the smell of the sweet potatoes, the sound of the skin crackling as the rabbit who ran the stand fried them, the inviting heat wafting toward him from the vendor's flame...

"Sweet potatoes're in season already?"

"Bwah!" He jumped at the familiar voice suddenly at his side, and he looked down to see Lin also eyeing the street cart with interest as she puffed on her long-stemmed pipe. "Lin! What're you doin' here?"

"I'm taking some time off from my work at Bao Gu," she answered distractedly. "Needed to clear my head. You wanna go halfsies on one?"

"I'd better not, I'm on my way to my dad's restaurant and it hurts his feelings if I eat beforehand, y'know?" He supposed there was plenty of time left for sweet potatoes once the weather got a little colder.

"Hm, I see." She sounded like she was thinking, and he sincerely hoped that the subject of her thoughts wasn't the intimate scene between her and Shifu that he'd walked in on earlier in the day. "Panda, I got a question forya."

"I saw nothin'," he replied quickly, nervously scanning the crowded street to make sure no one he knew was around to overhear her.

"Naw, I wasn't really doing anything with Shifu," she dismissed, apparently reading his mind. "B'sides intentionally humiliating him for the sheer thrill of it, that is. But that wasn't my question."

"What is it?" he asked cautiously, waiting for her to make a comment about her private parts.

"Canya get me a discount on your dad's noodles?"

He couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief at the simple request. "Sure, I can get ya a bowl."

"Say, here's a crazy idea," she said with a laugh as she led the way to the restaurant. "Why don't we eat lunch together?"

"You don't mean like... A date or nothin', do ya?" He felt kind of bad for asking so hesitantly, but he couldn't help but feel concerned at the invitation.

Luckily, she laughed at him. "What're you, kidding? Like I got the patience to ask _anyone_ on a freaking date!" She gave him a playful slap on the stomach, and he smiled in return. Lin was so skilled at keeping people on their toes it was easy to forget how good she was, conversely, at putting them at ease. "B'sides, no offense or anything, but you're not exactly the person I got in mind."

He was well aware of that much. He'd gotten to know Lin much better than the others had since she'd moved into the Jade Palace; it wasn't that the rest of the Furious Five hated her the way Tigress seemed to, they just avoided her out of a mixture of annoyance, fear of what she might say or do to them, and reluctance to start any drama involving Tigress or Master Shifu. Po hadn't had the benefit of minding his own business, though. He'd been the first person Lin had met upon her arrival at the palace and from that moment on she'd taken an inexplicable shine to him. She confided in him in a way he doubted she did to many others, but even without her flat-out telling him about her feelings it was easy to see that she loved Master Shifu. Well, he suspected he was the only one who knew her well enough by then to notice. It was in the way she laughed a little louder when the old master was around, the way she smiled a little wider, the way her ears perked up and color rose to her cheeks. Not to mention the way she cooked for Shifu- she hadn't been around much lately, but after the curry she had spent some of the few hours she'd had at the Jade Palace frying up balls of cinnamon-sugar coated dough, baking cookies, and coating poached fruit in a mouth-watering array of syrups. Lin had a sweet tooth as big as a house, and she wasn't afraid to hide it- or share her concoctions, to his delight. The best thing she'd made, though, were dumplings with a sweet filling of fruit, nuts, and spices which she'd told Po in confidence she had originally created specifically for Shifu.

While he had to admit that when he'd first met her, and found out about her healthy appetite for physical affection, he'd had trouble imagining her as a seductress. However, after tasting the sorts of things she could create with seemingly no effort at all, he didn't think anyone caught in her sights could possibly resist her. Somehow, though, Shifu seemed to prove his belief wrong with every single sweet treat she bestowed upon him by reciprocating with caustic remarks about the health hazards of the desserts, completely stone-faced tastings, and compliments so meager he might as well have not even bothered. Even in tasting the dumplings, a dish which had been created solely for him, he'd told her not to make such decadent foods for his students and said, after she'd requested his opinion on their taste multiple times, "They are not quite how I remembered them." Yet Lin seemed over the moon if he even bothered taking a single bite of anything she made, like she expected him to throw it in the garbage and anything more than that was an acclamation. Of course, Po knew from experience as the red panda's student that such treatment was pretty standard coming from Shifu, but Lin didn't seem like the kind of woman who would stand for it. He had to wonder, then, why she _did_, especially when she normally gave everyone, including Shifu himself, such attitude. He supposed it had to do with being love-struck, though he'd never felt that way, so he wasn't the best judge of how love-struck people generally acted. That being said... Lin had it _bad_.

It wasn't long before they arrived at the restaurant, and the grin on Lin's face was so wide that she could barely keep her pipe in her mouth.

"Ya like noodles?" Po asked when he caught sight of her expression.

"Yeah, and these're the best noodles I ever had in my life," she replied, plowing through the lunchtime crowd to reach the counter. "And I've been all over the world, so that means these're practically the best noodles in the whole world."

"I see you are a woman with good taste!" Mr. Ping greeted from behind the counter, smiling warmly at the two of them.

"Hi, Dad." Po leaned down a little to peer into the kitchen; his dad seemed to have everything under control, though the lunch rush wouldn't really start for another half-hour or so. "This's Lin, she's an old friend of Master Shifu's, and she used to be the Jade Palace's official cook."

"And a noodle lover, too," Ping observed happily. "Though, she's kind of old for you, don't you think?"

"No!" he yelped.

"The panda's not superficial like that," Lin added, to his horror. "You've raised a good son, Mr. Ping."

"So he's already told you about me?" the goose went on, oblivious to the joke. "Things must be getting serious. Why haven't I heard about you sooner?"

"Actually, I figured you'd be Mr. Ping, since the restaurant's called 'Mr. Ping's,'" she corrected. "But the panda _does_ go on about how much he loves his dad and how he looks forward to the time he gets to spend here."

"He _is_ a good boy," he agreed.

Po would have been touched by the whole exchange if it wasn't for that fact that his dad thought he was dating Lin. "Dad, there's _nothin'_ goin' on with me and Lin," he finally managed to cut in. "I mean, we're gettin' to be friends and all, but nothin' more'n that, 'cause I mean, that'd just be _crazy_." He noticed the way Lin raised an eyebrow at the last part of his statement and blushed as he realized how it had sounded. "Not that there's anythin' wrong with _you_," he rushed out. "It's just that you got your thing with Shifu, and I'd never get in the way of that, and besides we barely know each other, plus you're a lot older- not that there's anything wrong with _that_, either-"

"Okay, okay," she interrupted, holding up a hand to stop him. "I'm starting to feel bad, so you can stop now."

"Thanks," he sighed.

His dad, however, didn't seem to get the point of the whole rant. "Po, if you like older women I have plenty of friends I could set you up with-"

"No thanks, Dad!" He figured his best bet would be to change the subject. "So, you mind if I eat lunch with Lin real quick before the rush starts?"

"Oh, go ahead," the goose dismissed with a wave of his wing. "I've got everything under control here. I'll just set you two _friends_ up with some noodle soup, and on your way to your table you can bring tables five and seven their orders, too."

"Great, I'll take my soup with beets."

"No," Ping suddenly snapped. "No beets."

"But I _like_ beets," he whined as his dad served up two bowls of secret ingredient soup for them and then another six bowls set on a tray for the aforementioned tables.

"Go have fun with your friend and don't take longer than fifteen minutes."

"Okay, thanks Dad."

"Y'know, panda," Lin said as he served the customers at tables five and seven, "_I_ could make beets forya. The weather's getting kinda chilly... How d'you feel about borscht?"

"What's that?" He sat down across from her at a table near the entrance of the restaurant and tried to ignore the sound of his dad loudly informing anyone who would listen that he liked older women.

"It's a hearty beet soup popular in eastern Europe." She loudly slurped her noodles, then wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "Often served with sour cream, which is exactly what it sounds like but much tastier 'an you'd expect."

"I hope so." He watched her hungrily devour her soup, rivaling Shifu in the speed with which she ate. "So you're really stickin' around? I mean... For good?" Of course his master had told him as much already, but it hadn't really hit him until Lin had offered to cook for him.

"It's looking that way," she replied with a small belch. "I know you probably don't want me around any more'n anyone else, panda, so... Thanks for being... What's the word?"

"Nice?" he guessed, prompting her to snap her fingers at the revelation.

"Yeah, that's the one! _Nice_." She finished up her soup with one last slurp, then dropped the bowl onto the table with a satisfied sigh.

"You don't gotta thank me for bein' nice." Although he _did_ feel flattered that she appreciated him. "It's just, y'know, the right thing to do. B'sides, I like ya."

"Sorry, panda, but you're two weeks too late." Then, in a move that made his appetite completely disappear, she pulled out her wooden teeth and began to wipe bits of noodles off them with her napkin.

"Um, I didn't mean it like that." He set his noodles aside as she stuck her teeth back in, opening and closing her mouth a couple of times to presumably test them. "I meant as friends."

"Aw, that's sweet," she observed, then grabbed her pipe from where she'd set it on the table and resumed smoking it. "Believe it or not, you're the first new friend I've made in years."

"Really? Nawww."

"Quit the act, panda, I ain't gullible."

He cleared his throat uncomfortably; _he _thought he'd sounded convincing. "Okay, so you can be... Kinda a lot, at least to start with. But I got used to you, and the way you call people names and throw stuff at 'em-"

"That's mostly just Shifu," she reminded him.

"-And the way you get violently drunk and attack people with broken bottles-"

"That was _one time_, and that bar owner forgot all about it after the bribe."

"-And the way you take out your fake teeth and use 'em to chase any kids who get too close to you on the street-"

"Wrap it up, panda."

"-But the point is, you're just the kinda person people gotta get to know. I mean, most people wouldn't expect the two of us to get along, but I got to know ya and now we're friends." He shot her a hopeful smile, and she shrugged back at him.

"I admit, I got a pretty powerful personality," she accepted. "I used to have this friend who told me he didn't think I had actually come from real parents, that I was born from an unnatural pit of chaos and molten lava. Then I'd get mad at him and we'd smack each other around for a little bit, which turned into the best rough sex-"

"Okaaayyy," Po interrupted, pushing his neglected bowl of noodles even further away from himself. "I don't really need to hear any more of that story."

"Anyway, I get what you're saying, panda. It's my life, after all." She stood up, putting out her pipe with her bare thumb. "I think your fifteen minutes are up."

"Huh- bwah?" He turned around to see his father waving furiously at him. "Oh! Right!"

"Good luck with your restaurant and crap, I'm gonna go make some porn."

He tried really hard not to think about that at all, but it didn't work. "Oof," he muttered to himself, wrinkling his nose as he joined his father in the kitchen. He liked Lin, but he hoped that gaining her friendship didn't kill him by way of starvation. Because if she kept telling him such personal details, he didn't think he'd ever get his appetite back.

* * *

Shifu paused as he walked across the Jade Palace's theatre at the sight of a messenger at the front gates who was most certainly not Zeng. "Hello?" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he approached the duck. He'd been having a difficult few days; he hadn't talked to Tigress since their discussion at the archives, Po had been getting on his last nerve, and Lin had been _herself_. The last thing he needed was bad news. "May I help you?"

"Yeah," the man replied shortly with a noticeable Shanghai accent. "You got a Quan around?"

He blinked back at the messenger, confused. "A what?"

"Y'know, like a _guy_," the duck elaborated. "A guy called Quan. You got one of those?"

"I..." He supposed the message was for Lin; he remembered that she had gone by the name Quan back when she had lived in Shanghai. "I can deliver that to her- to him- to her- oh, whatever."

"Sorry, buddy, I don't get paid to do third parties."

"_Buddy?_" he repeated incredulously. "I am the _Grand Master_ of kung fu!"

"You also the Grand Master of message delivery?" the messenger asked.

He didn't see what that had to do with anything. "No, of course not."

"Then you can't have it."

He supposed he should have seen that coming. Still, he wanted to ask Lin about the scroll firsthand- and he certainly possessed faster reflexes than some duck from Shanghai. "Yes I can," he replied, then snatched the scroll. "Someone will be with you shortly to give you some rations for your trip back to Shanghai." He headed for the barracks, ignoring the duck's disgruntled grumbling.

He knew Lin was currently on one of her short breaks from Bao Gu, and around midday she would most likely be in her room, working on something else. Either that, or napping under the peach tree, but he decided to check the barracks first.

When he arrived at Lin's door he wasted no time in getting her attention. "Lin! _Lin!_"

"Hm- huh- wha?" Sounds of fumbling came from inside her room as she clearly woke from a deep sleep and stumbled toward the door. "Huhwa?" she repeated as she threw the door open and leaned on the frame in a show of exhaustion. She looked even more bedraggled than usual and ink covered one side of her face in the form of a messy hand print. "Wha' happened?" she asked, slightly more articulately.

"You, uhm... Have a letter." He held up the scroll for her to see, just to make sure his meaning was clear.

"Shit," she cursed, then snatched the letter from his hand and shut the door in his face.

Shifu stood there a moment, blinking at the paper and wood in front of him. "You are welcome!" he called out.

"Thanks, I'm good!" she shouted back.

"This is ridiculous!" he burst out, his temper stoked by her complete lack of anything even resembling gratitude. "I do not exist to serve as your messenger! I did not have to bring you that letter, but I did out of politeness and a concern for others that is apparently foreign to you!" He waited for an answer, but his short rant was only met with silence. "...Lin?" His anger mounted as she continued to ignore him, and he resorted to something he'd never done to her before: he burst into her room. "What is your problem?"

She looked up from the scroll, furrowing her brow at him. "Maybe it's the lack of privacy."

"Very funny." He crossed his arms and took a look around the room; he hadn't seen it yet, and while he was loathe to admit it he had been curious. It was much larger than her old bedroom, close to twice the size, and the wall opposite the door was lined with large, high-set windows. She had wasted no time in covering the walls with papers, though they mostly seemed to be lists and reminders rather than artwork. She'd also somehow procured a trunk (she had probably stolen it from somewhere on the grounds) in which he supposed she'd put her meagre belongings. And, of course, she still favored a giant, colorful pile of mushy pillows for a bed, in the corner of the room where she'd always liked to sleep. Also on the floor were brushes, ink, and papers on which he assumed she'd been drawing, though he couldn't quite see them from where he stood. "So who is that letter from?"

"Chen." She rolled it back up and stuck it in her belt, clearly hiding something. "Just a friendly correspondence to update me on the goings-on of his life. Yan-Yan moved in with him, apparently. And Wei-Shan's planning a visit. Oh, and he says to tellya you're a shitty Grand Master."

"Thank you for that." He could see that the letter contained something else, something she wasn't telling him. He had always been able to tell when there was something she wasn't telling him- probably because it happened to be her default state most of the time. "Anything else?"

"He wants me to visit, too." She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at him, daring him to keep asking questions. "I think I should. I ain't seen Yan-Yan yet, she's probably pissed."

"That sounds like a good idea." He watched her, waiting for any sort of clue as to what she wanted to hide from him. "I should pay Master Chen a visit, myself. Perhaps we could travel together."

"Nope," she answered immediately. "I'd already be enduring enough torture from Chen, I don't need you around making it worse." Her response couldn't have been any clearer: there was something in Shanghai she didn't want him to know about.

He couldn't very well steal the letter from her to prove his suspicion, so he pulled out the only card he had. "I thought we were trying to get to know each other."

"_Fine_," she huffed. "I'll tellya something about myself."

"That is not exactly what I-"

"I got the herps, but I don't break out more'n every coupla years, _if_ that."

Shifu paused, his eye twitching as he absorbed the information. "That is _not what I meant_," he ground out between clenched teeth.

"I practice a full disclosure policy when it comes to my coochie cooties," she continued, as if he hadn't spoken at all. "You ever had anything of note? Syphilis, chlamydia, genital warts?"

"_No!_" he snapped, wishing desperately for some way to erase his memory of the past couple of minutes. "Of course not! Why would you- why would _I_- _eugh!_"

"Yeesh, sorry," she shot back, wrinkling her nose at him. "You don't gotta act all offended and judgy about it. Diseases are a standard hazard of sex, it's not the end of the world."

"It is certainly the end of the _conversation_," he huffed. He would have left right then and there, if she hadn't followed up with something so... Unexpected.

"Maybe the time apart'll be good for us," she sighed, and he blinked back at her, trying to take her seriously despite the handprint on her face. "I mean, all we ever really do is fight. Then again, if thirty-three years apart can't fix that, I doubt a coupla weeks'd do a better job."

He knew a good opportunity when he saw one. "Then perhaps I _should_ go with you. Just the two of us."

She looked for a moment as though she were seriously considering the suggestion, then shook her head. "Sorry, but that'd be a disaster. I'd rather go it alone."

He had no way of knowing for sure what was going on in Shanghai, but he suspected it was something important. Then again, perhaps he was acting paranoid, and it was really none of his business. That had never stopped him before, though. "I think you have some ulterior motive for not wanting me with you."

"You always think I got an ulterior motive," she dismissed easily. "I'm used to it by now."

"Is there something going on between you and Master Chen?" he pressed, his curiosity getting the better of him. "Is there something happening in Shanghai?"

"Nah, it's just a good place to get laid."

"Oh for the love of- _must _you do that?" He supposed he should have seen it coming.

"How come you get so uppity when I make a joke about sex?" she asked. "Are you really just that uptight?"

"Forgive me, Lin, I haven't had sex in forty years and it's starting to get on my nerves," he replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her.

"Well, well!" She elbowed him playfully, an amused grin on her face. "Finally getting into the spirit. So is that true?"

"That is not the point!" he snapped. "The point is that not only am I not going to sleep with you, but I also think you brought up sex to distract me from whatever it is you're planning to do in Shanghai."

"You mean _whoever_ it is I'm planning to do in Shanghai," she corrected with a waggle of her eyebrows.

"Oh, _stop it_. You are not going to do anything of the sort in Shanghai and you know it." He eyed her suspiciously, trying to think of some way to get the information out of her. "Just out of curiosity, would you tell me if I _did_ sleep with you?"

"I dunno, why dontchya sleep with me and find out?"

"I will take that as a no," he sighed; it was not as if he would go through with anything of the sort, anyway. "When were you planning to leave? The trip to Shanghai will most likely take you about two weeks, after all."

"Give or take a few days," she added, for once looking thoughtful as she contemplated her trip. "I'll need to prepare for a journey like that, pack some rations and get my knife sharpened-"

"You carry a knife?" he interrupted, raising his eyebrows at the information.

"Yeah, I thought you knew that," she said casually, as if she thought most people simply walked around with concealed weapons on their person. "Anyway, I'll probably leave in another coupla days- on top of packing, I still need to wrap up over at Bao Gu. I'm almost done, and I don't know when I'll be back."

"You don't know when you will be back?" He felt his chest inexplicably tighten at that bit of news. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, it's just that I might spend a coupla weeks in Shanghai. I'll be back, I just don't know exactly _when_." She rolled her eyes at the flat stare he gave her. "Look, ifya want, I can bring a message along with me so you can tell Chen what a big fan you are and how you have posters of him all over your bedroom-"

"I do _not_," he grumbled.

"-But you're not coming with me, and no amount of sucking up or exhaustive questioning is gonna change that." She accentuated her point by giving his nose her trademark flick. "By the way, has it _really_ been forty years sinceya last knocked boots?"

"I am not going to dignify that with an answer," he huffed.

"'Cause I could giveya a few pointers," she offered. "As long as you agree to practice 'em on _me_."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, resisting the urge to simply walk away without another word. "No thank you, that will not be necessary."

"Your loss," she dismissed, then picked up a brush from the floor, dipped it in ink, and perused the many lists on her wall before choosing one and writing on it in completely unrecognizable characters.

"What is that?" He peered at the paper over her shoulder, unable to make heads or tails of the strange writing.

"They're called roman characters," she replied, then wrote something else at the bottom of her list. "I think better in my native language."

"You just don't want me to know what you are writing," he accused, convinced that she had made a note about Shanghai and the letter from Chen.

"Believe it or not, my life doesn't revolve _entirely_ around you," she shot back, then poked him in the middle of the forehead with her brush, leaving behind a black dot. "Mostly, but not entirely."

"I think you are intentionally hiding something from me," he huffed, rubbing at the ink with his palm. "And I intend to find out what that is."

"You realize you just smudged ink all over your face, right?"

He glared at her. "Mark my words," he warned, "I _will_ find out what you are hiding from me."

"You could always seduce it outta me," she suggested, though rather than waggle her eyebrows as usual she kept her expression deadpan.

"No, I absolutely will not." He headed for the door; he wasn't about to get any information out of her, but he at least had a couple of days still to soften her up. "But perhaps it is best that we don't spend two weeks on the road together."

"Agreed, now get outta my room."

"Weren't you just trying to seduce me?"

"Meh." She motioned distractedly to the door as she returned to the papers scattered on the floor and began reorganizing them. "I'm busy, I'll seduceya later. Bye-bye."

"But-"

"Seeya."

"Very well. We shall talk later." He left the bedroom, contemplating what to do next as he went. Moreover, he had to wonder why Lin would want to hide correspondence from Chen from him. Perhaps there was something to do with kung fu in the letter, something that would normally be part of his domain. Even then, Chen would have no reason to write to Lin and not him- he _was_ the Grand Master, after all. And what could Lin and Chen both _possibly_ have to hide from the Grand Master of kung fu?

* * *

A/N: You know, I tried to tone down the sexual humor this chapter... And you can all see how well that worked out. So a couple of notes on references: of course the disagreement between Po and Mr. Ping about beets was a reference to the dream sequence in the KFP Holiday Special. And some of you may have recognized Shifu's "I haven't had sex in forty years" line as being Sophia's (except hers was 15 years) from the Golden Girls. Because of course it is impossible for me to make it through an entire fic without a Golden Girls reference. And by the way (since I always need to make a note on food) if you ever get a chance to get your hands on eastern European sour cream, it's miles above the American version.

Also, I'd like to share some more art, mainly a quickly sketched comic I drew of Lin and Shifu having a riveting conversation: marie-goos-v2 [dot] livejournal [dot] com/12785 [dot] html

Next chapter: Yan-Yan and Chen are still dealing with a recovering (and irate, as usual) Tai Lung, Rahim makes a pit stop, Shifu tries to find out what Lin is hiding from him, and to everyone's dismay (except Po) Lin cooks beets. Oh, and let's not forget that letter. And I will try my damnedest to have it up sooner than a month from now.


	5. In the Laps of Our Cooks

A/N: So guess who's moving again! I'll try not to let it interfere with my already slow update schedule, but all I can promise is to try. Also: Happy Lunar New Year! Chinese New Year celebrations usually go on for two weeks, so make some decorations and wear some red. Unfortunately, it's the end of my sign's year, but hopefully the New Year will be auspicious for all my friends who are rabbits. Also of note: this chapter's title is a quote from a writer and inventor named Lin Yutang. Last but not least: I probably sound repetitive, but I want to send even more thanks and love out to my reviewers! You guys are awesome! Anyway, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 5: Our Lives Are Not in the Laps of the Gods, But in the Laps of Our Cooks

* * *

Yan-Yan slammed the door shut as she returned home from the market, her fur bristling in her anger. She'd had the extremely unfortunate luck of running into her son, Huan, in the market- along with her ex-husband's wife. And he'd called the woman "Mother," right in front of her. He'd never once in his adult life accompanied _her_ to the market, and if anyone was Huan's mother, it was her. Not to mention on top of everything, the second wife her husband had kept for years behind her back, the woman to whom _her_ life had been handed, didn't even have the decency to be a complete bitch. In fact, the young woman- her name was something like Weici or Mei Qi- was downright _sweet_. She'd even reprimanded Huan for acting like an ass and apologized profusely to Yan-Yan for pretty much _everything_, effectively robbing the older woman of one of the few things that had kept her sane lately: the ability to hate the woman who had replaced her.

In all the rage and frustration the encounter had caused her, Yan-Yan had completely forgotten about half of her grocery list and simply rushed home to Chen's, resolving to do what she could with the items she'd already purchased. She wished there was some way to show her ex-husband she was better off without him, some way to make him as angry and jealous as he'd made her, but all she had was a room in an old friend's house and a single unwilling patient. If only she were cutting into injured men and women instead of produce and sewing up wounds instead of her worn out old clothes. At the very least she'd have the one thing she loved to do more than anything else in the world. She was only kidding herself, though; nobody wanted a female doctor, least of all a female surgeon. Nobody trusted a woman. She was lucky even to have Tai Lung to nurse back to health.

Speaking of whom, she needed to check up on him- mainly to make sure he hadn't run off. She had done her best to treat him kindly, as Chen had suggested, in order to give him at least _some_ reason not to escape and lay waste to the city. He wasn't exactly the happiest or the most polite person in the world, though she had trouble imagining him going on _two_ psychotic rampages. As bad-tempered and full of himself as he was, he was also well-spoken and intelligent, with an admittedly amusing sarcastic wit. It didn't hurt that he was an attractive, muscular man fourteen years her junior, either. Briefly, she smiled at the thought that her ex-husband would fly into an indignant rage if he knew she had been flirting with such a man- and treating a kung fu master. She knew it was a terrible, vindictive thing to think of, but she didn't easily forgive _or_ forget such betrayal. She'd probably calm down in another couple of months, though, when she'd had more time to heal and cobble her life back together. In the meantime, she'd just have to take it one day at a time.

She headed to the kitchen to put the groceries away, then stopped short at the sight of Tai Lung rummaging frantically through the cabinets like some sort of savage beast- which she supposed was fitting, considering his reputation.

"What are you doing?" she snapped, dropping her bag on the island in the middle of the large room and glaring at him.

"I'm hungry," he replied simply, continuing his search for something that suited his taste.

"Are you out of your mind?" she reprimanded, then approached him and gave his tail a tug in an effort to pull him off the countertop where he kneeled; he didn't budge. "Chen may not have servants on staff anymore, but there are windows all over this house! The last thing we need is someone catching sight of you and asking questions."

"If you think I will stay locked up in that room upstairs, you have another thing coming." He finally emerged from the cabinets and hopped down to the floor, though she suspected it was only because he hadn't found anything interesting to eat.

"You may be nearing the end of your physical recovery, but you've still got a long way to go in _other_ areas," she reminded him. "We're trying to help you, remember? And where _is_ Chen, anyway?"

"The old hamster left _you_ in charge," he shot back. "Didn't you hear him?"

"I must've tuned him out," she sighed; she really _was_ losing her marbles if she'd completely forgotten something so important. "I've been having a rough couple of months."

"_You've_ had it rough?" he scoffed. "Do you have any idea what it is like to have your entire life snatched away from you in an instant? To be betrayed by the people you trusted most, and it is so _easy _for them to do so that you have a hard time believing they even cared for you in the first place?"

"Hm, let's see," she replied calmly. "When I was eighteen, my best friend in the entire world- with whom I also happened to be in love- fled Shanghai, presumably never to return, without saying a word to me. Then, I found out that _he_ was actually a _she_ and had been lying to me about who she really was the entire time I'd known her. And when she actually _did_ come back decades later, for some reason it didn't seem to occur to her to see me or speak to me in any way, shape, or form. Not only that, but I have wanted to be a doctor my entire life, yet no one was willing to apprentice me or even allow me to treat them because I am a woman. My husband allowed me to practice by his side, but people don't trust me without a _male_ doctor in the room. Said husband, whom I was quite fond of, only recently revealed that he has had another wife for the past fifteen years, and had two children with her- because I did not bear him sons, and besides that, I'm old now. My son- his from a previous marriage, actually, but I raised him from toddlerhood as my own- now refuses to acknowledge that I exist, and calls this other woman 'mother.' My daughters still speak to me, but would not allow me to live with them, since _I_ am somehow at fault for this entire disaster. Never mind that he had another wife and children behind my back, _I_ should have stayed because _I_ am a woman, and unworthy of a life of my own." She paused, having kept her tone level and reasonable through the entire story, and simply raised her eyebrows at him. "Yes, I think I have some _small_ idea of how you might feel."

"Well I did not need your entire life story," he grumbled, apparently sour about her actually having something to bring to the table in terms of betrayal. "Besides, I still beat you."

"It's not a contest," she snapped. "And if it were, I could argue that at least _you_ have male privilege on your side- and at least you never had kids! My lady parts will never be the same."

"That was... Much more than I needed to know."

"Well they _won't_," she insisted as she contemplated, and not for the first time, never being able to find someone else willing to be with her. "It's like an abandoned battlefield down there."

"_Must you_ subject me to this?" he growled, looming menacingly over her as if he planned to beat her if she continued talking about her womanhood. "It is bad enough already being trapped in here with you and that _rodent_, without having to hear _this_ on top of it!"

"Alright," she agreed. "What would you be doing right now, then, if it were up to you?" At the blank stare he gave her, she could see that he had never stopped to give that particular question any sort of thought.

"...I suppose I would be exacting revenge on that flabby panda," he finally answered, though he didn't sound entirely confident in the assertion; probably because he had already been beaten once, which didn't do any favors for his odds.

"You'd probably lose." She realized that by voicing his insecurity out loud she risked instigating him to the point of violence, but she had learned early on in life how to play the odds and she doubted she'd walk away from the conversation with an injury.

"_What?_" Tai Lung predictably roared, slamming his fist down onto the island's countertop beside her hard enough to crack the wood; Chen wouldn't be too happy about that. "How _dare_ you show me such _disrespect!_"

"What's there to respect?" she asked calmly, then nudged his fist away from her as if it were nothing more than some sort of pest; bluffing was one of her strong suits, after all. "Let's be honest, here. You've fallen as far as you could possibly fall, all the while insisting that what's obvious to everyone around you isn't true. What do you think people are going to believe: your words, or your actions?"

"I may not be a _hero_, but I am still the strongest warrior in this entire damn country!" he seethed. "And _you_ are nothing more than a disgraced, middle-aged _nag_, unwanted by your husband and your son! I may have fallen far, but I am certainly not beneath the likes of _you!_"

Red-hot anger flared throughout every inch of her body at the assertion that she was somehow worthless due to status as a divorced woman, but she didn't let it show. Instead, she crossed her arms and stared him straight in the eye. "If you would like to have a proper debate, feel free. But I won't accept any assertions without proper citation, nor will I heed any opinions without a solid basis of fact to show that said opinions are properly informed."

He stared back at her, momentarily bewildered. "You cannot be serious."

"According to the Royal Guard's annual publication of China's most dangerous criminals, you were formally charged with and convicted of the murders of sixteen residents of the Valley of Peace- to be specific, that's eleven guards of the Jade Palace and five residents of the village. You were also found guilty of massive property damage, assault and serious injury of at least a dozen other individuals, and a number of other crimes I will not get into at the moment. Now, killing alone has been regarded as a high crime dating back to the _Shangshu_, in which it is listed as one of the Five Penalties. According to the modern legal code, causing the death of another even indirectly calls for the death of the killer in requital, and seeing as death is considered the most severe of the Five Punishments, the crime of killing another is considered equally severe. The fact that you were given a life of imprisonment instead is clearly a reflection of your connections to powerful people, and not necessarily any indication that your crime is somehow less severe. Not to mention your lack of filial piety is listed by traditional law as one of the Ten Abominations and considered a capital offense."

"...What?"

"I haven't technically broken any written law, and to be honest Confucian codes are generally sexist in that they strongly favor men over women, which is a baseless bias with no root in either logic or proven fact. So from all this we can gather that while, yes, I have been rejected by both my husband and son, a choice made by two individuals does not reflect upon my moral standing. Meanwhile, your multiple crimes _do_. So as we can see from this obvious proof, you are actually the one who should show _me_ more respect." She paused, waiting for him to argue. When he remained silent, she added, "Eat that."

Rather than react with anger as she had expected, he simply gave her a flat look. "You are, without a doubt, the biggest nerd I have ever met."

"You should have seen me in my awkward teenaged phase," she hummed, leaning back against the island. "It was pretty hot."

"Tell me something, cat-"

"The name's Yan-Yan," she interrupted. "I don't like nicknames."

"Back that opinion up with some cited facts and perhaps I will honor it," he shot back, clearly making fun of her. "As I was saying... Do you truly believe I deserve to be killed for my crimes?"

She blinked back at him, caught off-guard by the question. "I'm a doctor, not a judge," she answered.

"If you were a judge, what would you think?" he pressed.

She supposed if he wanted an answer that badly, it couldn't hurt to oblige him. "If I thought you deserved to die, I wouldn't be here in the first place," she sighed. "I'm in the business of saving lives, after all. I don't think anyone truly deserves to die, not by the hands of other men and women. And while I don't think twenty years in prison is quite enough punishment for what you did, the whole point of punishment in the first place is rehabilitation- which you sure as hell won't get in solitary confinement. Besides, even though you killed a bunch of people and have probably entertained the thought of killing me by now, I sort of like you."

"You like me?" he asked incredulously, narrowing his eyes at her.

"I know, right?" she agreed. "I blame the abs. And the pecs. And the biceps."

"I'm starting to think I should lock my door at night."

"Oh, relax, I'm just teasing," she dismissed as she grabbed an apple from her grocery bag and polished it off with her sleeve. "Although, I _have_ always had a soft spot for bad boys." Which was, admittedly, very true.

"This conversation is beginning to disturb me." He crossed his arms and eyed her apple. "Are you going to make lunch soon?" He certainly wasn't the first man she'd ever met who thought with his stomach.

"I guess so," she sighed, tossing the apple to him; he wasted no time in biting into the fruit. She always felt strange, cooking in Chen's kitchen; even after she'd done so for months (because gods forbid Chen ever bothered to take care of himself) she still felt out of place. The kitchen had always seemed to be someone else's territory; it had always felt to her like it belonged to Quan, ever since the first time she'd met the boisterous kitchen assistant turned artist.

It didn't help that most of the equipment in the kitchen was the same now as it had been then, including the wok, the side of which still sported the characters Quan had carved: "Suck it, old man." Of course, the rebellious teenager hadn't done that until _after_ becoming Chen's student. Yan-Yan would never forget those carefree days, for the girl she'd thought was a boy had been her first love, and her first true friend. She remembered how he (for she still thought of Quan as a "he" in her memories) used to break into Chen's liquor cabinet and share the most expensive bottle the old jerboa owned with her, how he used to bring her down to the docks to bet on illegal street fighting (and how she'd gotten so good at predicting outcomes they'd begun to swindle other gamblers), how he'd bring her home with him and they'd lay awake in his bed all night, quietly talking and laughing. On nights like those, she'd always hoped he'd make a move on her, but he never had- of course, she'd found out later why that was.

She shook her head in an attempt to bring herself back to the present; she'd have enough time for a stroll down memory lane when Quan showed up. "So," she said loudly as she began to chop up vegetable for a stir-fry, "how is my star patient feeling, anyway?"

"It took you long enough to ask," Tai Lung groused from where he'd pulled a stool up to the island to sit. "I am still sore, but after stretching-"

"I _told you_ no kung fu," she interrupted harshly, waggling her knife at him. "Do you want to get better, or do you want to end up permanently injuring yourself? Because if you keep disobeying doctor's orders, the latter is going to happen, and _I_ won't be held responsible."

He glared at her, then took a lazy bite out of his apple. "It's at times like these," he drawled as he swallowed, "that it is easy to see you as a _grandmother_."

She knew he'd meant to insult her, but being reminded of her status as a grandmother only brought to mind the precious, adorable little kittens that were her grandchildren. "Thank you," she hummed as she made a mental note to visit her daughters and their children again. Despite her sons-in-law not wanting her around and her daughters themselves giving off rather strong cue that they'd prefer her visits to be infrequent, her grandchildren were still too young to know that she was supposed to be shunned, not to mention they were all sweet-as-pie little girls, just like their mothers had been at that young age. It pained her to know that her daughters would be shunned as she had been by their husbands if they didn't eventually produce sons, and even more to know that her granddaughters would most likely end up with bound feet and arranged marriages. She could only thank the gods that her own father had not been wealthy enough to bind her feet when the time had come, and that she had managed to keep her daughters from meeting such a fate. And while other mothers would have been ecstatic to see their daughters marry well, Yan-Yan had only seen reason to dread the fate of her granddaughters.

"You're drifting off again," Tai Lung reminded her.

"Sorry, I'm just worrying about my granddaughters," she sighed as she dropped the vegetables into the wok.

"_Again?_ You're gonna make your hemorrhoids flare up, you incessant nag."

Yan-Yan jumped at the sound of Chen's voice and Tai Lung let out a curse in his surprise; she turned around just in time to see the tiny head of the household jump up onto the island counter, his usual scowl in place. "Sneak up on me again, and I'll eviscerate you," she warned.

Chen let out a skeptical snort, eyeing the two of them. "This looks cozy."

"I know, I know," Yan-Yan sighed. "It's my fault he's out of bed, I forgot you were gone and I left him alone, and I'm sorry."

"Well, the overgrown bag of hot air didn't do anything, so I'll yell atya later." Unfortunately, he hadn't been kidding with that last part. "And _you_," he added as he turned to Tai Lung and gestured menacingly at the snow leopard with his little walking stick. "How fast d'you think you'll get outed to the whole world ifya keep strolling around likeya own the damn place, huh? You want a public execution, is that it?"

Tai Lung looked more annoyed than intimidated. "You two are big on rhetorical questions today."

"Y'know, your attitude gets old _real fast_," the rodent threatened, and Tai Lung brought his head down to eye level with the small master, his face twisted into a menacing snarl.

"Bring it on, you irrelevant raisin," he growled.

Yan-Yan, having raised three children, knew enough to see when a legitimate fight was brewing; luckily, she also knew how to break one up. Without any preamble, she brought her knife down in between Chen and Tai Lung, lodging the utensil into the wooden countertop; both men recoiled instantly and shot her dirty looks. "Well, what do you know?" she observed conversationally. "I managed to cut through the tension with a knife."

"You're paying for that," Chen groused, pulling the knife out of the counter and handing it to her. "And ifya pull another stunt like that, I ain't gonna keepya around. Got it?"

"Sure," she accepted blithely; Chen was all talk, after all.

"I sincerely hope you don't think you are actually capable of intimidating anyone," Tai Lung added, crossing his arms as he glowered at her. "Because you are _not_."

She rolled her eyes at the assertion; like he didn't cower in the corner every time she showed up with some new medicinal concoction for him to try. "So," she started cheerfully as she resumed preparing lunch, despite her lack of skill in the kitchen (again, it wasn't as if anyone else would do it), "I haven't told you about the _most adorable_ thing my youngest granddaughter does yet, Tai Lung. Would you like to hear all about it?"

"No," he answered flatly.

"Oh, it's just the most darling thing!" she continued, undeterred by the two men's identical groans; _someone_ needed to keep the peace, and if telling irritating stories about her family did the trick, then she wasn't about to stop. "But, you see, it all goes back to when she was just a little baby..."

* * *

Lin couldn't believe her luck. After questioning, investigating, and meditating, the answer to her burning question had been handed over to her, as simply as that. She had started to think that she would _never_ find out the truth, not unless something monumental happened and word of it spread throughout the country. Yet a single letter had solved her problem. She knew where Tai Lung was.

Not that said knowledge didn't bring up a host of other issues, but she thought it best for her morale to focus first on the positives. She knew precisely where Tai Lung had ended up, and even better, he wasn't likely to go anywhere any time soon.

She plopped down onto her bed, wriggling around in the soft pillows to settle herself in, then took another look at Chen's letter. Of course, he hadn't outright _said_ that he had Tai Lung with him, but Chen had always been a little paranoid about his correspondences, and so one of the first things he'd ever taught her had been a certain code he liked to use in his letters. "Get your ass over here" was pretty direct, it helped to have at least one phrase that was blatantly obvious so as to throw people off into thinking there wasn't much to the code. "I don't got time for your bullshit" meant that he needed a response as soon as possible, again another easy one to decipher. But the more important the message, the more difficult the translation would become. For example, she'd known he had Tai Lung with him because he had written at one point, "I been constipated for days, and Yan-Yan's damn medicine's only making it worse. Not that you'd care at all about any of my business, you selfish idiot. If you did, you'd drop by for a visit once in a while. _Some of us_ would actually like to see your ugly mug around here."

The mention of constipation, while probably true seeing as Chen was older than dirt, also served as a message for her to keep her mouth shut- and his mention earlier in the letter of Shifu being a shitty Grand Master meant she should keep the news from him, in particular. Yan-Yan, of course, was in on whatever was going on and a willing accomplice. And while the assertion that Lin was a selfish idiot was characteristic for Chen, anyone who knew him would think he'd gone out of his mind to actually _admit_ to someone that he missed them and wanted to see them, even in such a callous way. What he truly meant was that there was someone else there, someone she specifically knew and would want to see. There were very few people who fit that description, and even fewer living in China, but what really helped her identify the person was the watermark Chen had left. Whenever there was someone in particular he needed to mention, he always drew a small symbol in the bottom corner of the paper with water. She could see the shape because the water caused the paper to wrinkle and the texture of the surface to change ever so slightly- which became more obvious when she held it up to light.

He'd drawn a triangle, meaning "mountain." And considering the urgency of his message, she was certain it could only refer to Tai Lung- the symbol a reference not only to the tendency of snow leopards to live in mountainous regions, but a reference to the Tavan Bogd range where Chor Ghom had been built.

She wondered _why_ he would want to keep the information from Shifu, in particular, though. She knew better than anyone how neurotic the red panda could be, but he was still the Grand Master of kung fu and, more importantly, Tai Lung's father. Then again, Chen didn't seem to like him too much. Not to mention the little old raisin had been a friend of Oogway's, and probably had some sort of issue with Shifu replacing the tortoise. Although, seeing as Chen generally hated everyone and everything to cross his path, she was probably reading too much into the behavior.

There was one more question to consider in the larger equation: was it right to keep information about Shifu's son from him? Of course, the obvious answer was a resounding "no," but when she took a step back and looked at all the factors involved, she couldn't be sure. Clearly Chen had taken Tai Lung in as an attempt to give the snow leopard a chance at redemption, at starting his life over. Yet in order to do that, it was crucial to keep Tai Lung's rage to a minimum, in these tentative early steps- meaning that anything that might trigger him should probably stay out of sight, and hopefully out of mind. And the only things she could think of that could be more triggering than Shifu, who had trained Tai Lung and promised him the Dragon Scroll, were the scroll itself and Po, the person who had received it instead. In order to keep Shifu away from Shanghai, it was then necessary to keep him in the dark, since if he found out about his son's presence there he would definitely want to set out immediately for the city. And what if Shifu decided to go on the offensive, and told Po and the Furious Five about this new development? Tai Lung would never find peace and reconciliation fighting his old enemies, especially if he were imprisoned again or executed. The fact still remained, though, that Shifu was Tai Lung's father. What if he still loved the snow leopard? What if he still had lingering regrets? What if he _did_ want to see Tai Lung redeemed, despite everything that had happened between them? Didn't he deserve to know about this venture, or at least that his son was alive? While she trusted Chen's judgment on the matter, it still didn't feel right to lie to the man she loved about his own family.

There was only one logical conclusion she could possibly come to at a time like this: she needed a drink. And a _strong_ one, at that. So, she crawled out of bed in the middle of the night in the hopes that a little wine would put her at ease. However, she didn't quite make it to the kitchen.

As she walked down the hall, she suddenly heard a moan coming from one of the nearby bedrooms. She paused in front of the room- _Shifu's _room- as the groans grew louder. Either he was having a really bad dream or a _really_ good time with himself. "Hey," she called out. "You okay?"

When he didn't answer, she figured her first assumption had probably been correct.

She knew she was intruding, but she let herself into his room anyway; it was just as bare as she remembered, Shifu's simple hard-as-rock bed placed right under the window, which let in enough silvery moonlight for her to see he was tossing and turning. "This's ridiculous," she observed to herself as she got closer; while her first instinct had been to nudge him awake, she didn't know whether or not he'd respond with some sort of painful kung fu reflex. Instead, she stood just out of arm's reach and yelled at him, "Yo! Melon-head! Shifu, wake up!"

Eventually, he blinked his eyes open, then shot up into a sitting position once he caught sight of her- then, hilariously, pulled his sheets up to cover himself like an exposed woman might do. "Wh-what are you doing in here?"

She gave a nonchalant shrug. "Well I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room, and I figured, y'know... I should be a part of it."

"Get out!" he snapped, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. "It is bad enough you have been hitting on me in the middle of the day, now you need to wake me up at night to do it?"

"Well _sorry_," she grumbled, then ignored his look of horror as she nudged him over and joined him on the bed. "You sounded like you were having a pretty bad nightmare, and I figured it'd be better to wakeya up and get it over with 'an letya suffer."

"I appreciate your consideration, but I assure you that you do not need to _get into my bed with me_," he ground out.

"Is your room always this cold?" she asked as a chill ran through her, then snatched the sheets from him. "It wouldn't killya to learn to share."

He pressed himself against the wall, presumably to keep some distance between them. "Have you gone completely insane?"

She ignored the question, which she felt was more on the rhetorical side, anyway. "So what was your nightmare about? Anything good?"

"It was nothing," he huffed.

"Didn't sound like nothing."

"It was, now get out of my bed."

She grabbed his pillow and hit him upside the head with it, enjoying his chagrin way too much. "Look, I know you got, like, a million different complexes, but I'm trying to be helpful. So areya _sure _you're okay?"

He seemed hesitant to shrug her off after that last line. "...It was just a dream." He paused, and she thought he wasn't going to say anything else when he suddenly blurted out, "Master Oogway was in it."

"Huh." She wondered if he'd had one of those kung fu master visions she'd heard about. "What'd he say?"

"Nothing," he sighed, and his ears drooped a little bit. "He just looked... Disappointed."

She resisted the urge to let out a simpering, "D'awwwww," and embrace him; instead she gave him a light punch in the arm. "He'd never be disappointed inya. I may have only known Oogway for a few months, but even I could see how proud he was of you."

"You did not witness all of the things I did after your departure," he argued. "All of the mistakes I made... Tai Lung's rampage is on _my _shoulders, it was _my_ fault. And now, with Tigress... Never mind. I don't even know why I am telling you any of this."

"I dunno why, either," she admitted, then elaborated when he looked annoyed at the answer. "Not to say I didn't wanna hear it, it's just that you generally don't open up to me. But I'm gladya did, even if it was just a little bit. And I may not be the wellspring of wisdom Oogway was, but... Shifu, parents make mistakes. It's in the job description. Hell, it _is _the job description. I've met a lotta people in my life, and I can't think of a single one of 'em whose parents hadn't royally screwed 'em up."

"Comforting," he observed flatly.

"The point is," she continued with a roll of her eyes, "just 'cause you made mistakes like everyone else in the known universe does, doesn't mean you're solely responsible for Tai Lung's rampage. He was an adult when he did that, and adults make their own decisions. I've known people with parents much worse 'an you are, and they didn't ransack any villages."

"Name one," he scoffed.

"Well... _Me_, for instance." She waited for a response, but he seemed pretty caught off-guard by the example. "I don't think I turned out too bad- I mean, I'm a mess with my own issues, but no more 'an your average fully-functioning member of society. And my parents were _way_ below you on the spectrum of good parenting. At the very least, you love Tai Lung."

"Loved," he corrected.

"Really?"

He seemed extremely uncomfortable, not that she had any problem with causing such a response. "...Alright," he conceded quietly. "Love."

"And you love Tigress, too," she pointed out, though she had no idea what he'd done- or rather, what he _thought_ he'd done- to his daughter. To be honest, she wasn't entirely sure how he'd apparently failed Tai Lung, either, aside from promising the kid the Dragon Scroll when it wasn't his to give. She assumed she'd eventually learn all the details, but it was information she knew needed to be volunteered, rather than chased after. "And Tigress is still here, y'know. She's right down the hall."

"It is more difficult than you think," he huffed. "I do not expect you to understand."

"You'd be surprised at what I can understand," she shot back, albeit gently. "Were you two always so distant?"

"...Yes."

She could see the problem in that; it wasn't like he could suddenly turn around and become father of the year. And acknowledging and apologizing for a lifetime of distance was a difficult task for anyone, let alone someone as emotionally constipated as Shifu (not that she was any better). "Well, she must really look up to you."

He blinked back at her in surprise. "You think so?"

"She's so much like you," Lin pointed out, "she must've taken a lotta cues from you. And, hey, she hasn't rampaged yet, so there's a plus."

He glared at her, and she had the good sense to offer up a sheepish look at the misplaced humor. "I should not even be talking to you about any of this," he grumbled. "What on earth possessed me, I have no idea."

"Maybe you finally saw me for what I really am," she suggested, then at his inquisitive expression she elaborated. "Someone who cares about you." She could have been wrong, but she thought she saw him blush. Maybe he was blushing out of embarrassment for her because, personally, she couldn't believe she'd said something so sappy. "Ugh, that was awful," she amended. "I'd make a sex joke to compensate, but I'm too disgusted with myself."

"I did not realize you were capable of being disgusted with yourself," he shot back. "Or _anything_, for that matter."

"Yeah, well, nothing churns my stomach quite like emotional intimacy." She realized that their highly unusual moment of- well, of emotional intimacy- had passed, but she still wasn't tired. "Y'know, ifya ever wanna do this randomly opening up to me thing again, I promise I'll listen and not make fun ofya."

"Perhaps next time you force your way into my bed," he replied sardonically, and she laughed at the fact that he recognized there would probably be a next time.

"Hey, you hungry?"

"No," he initially denied, but after a long stare from her admitted the truth. "...A little."

"C'mon, I'll makeya something," she offered, hopping out of his bed, and not a moment too soon; her ass was starting to hurt from the damn thing.

"Nothing spicy and no sweets," he ordered, smoothing out his pajamas as he followed her lead.

"So basically nothing that tastes good."

"_You_ are the one who woke _me_ up, if you'll remember."

She waved off the accusation. "Yeah, yeah. I'll whip _something_ up for your irritable bowel." And maybe, eventually, she'd figure out how to tell him about Tai Lung. Because no matter what his reaction might be, she knew after talking to him that it was information he needed to hear.

"My bowel is _not_ irritable- not when _you_ aren't around."

It would probably be wise to wait until he was in a better mood, though.

* * *

"Rahim!"

The massive bengal tiger started a little at his name sounding out over the din of the crowded streets of Calcutta, shielding his eyes in the bright mid-day sun. While the temperature of the air was unseasonably cool (as in, room temperature), the sun still shone intensely, and he'd taken shelter under the awning of a vendor selling rolls with a variety of stuffings- he'd been eyeing one with a paneer filling before he'd been distracted.

"Brother!" The figure who called out to him stuck out in the crowd of monkeys, canines, gaur, deer, leopards, rabbits, hogs, cranes, ducks, and countless others; this man was matched in size only by the few bovine members of the crowd. A bengal tiger much like himself, but with entirely white fur, brown stripes, and striking blue-green eyes embraced him so tightly he thought his ribs might crack.

"Hello, little brother," he managed to wheeze out. "Manan, I can't breathe."

"Sorry!" Manan released his hold with an affectionate pat on the arm. "You look well," he complimented cheerfully.

"You, too," he observed as he took in the fine, crisp white clothes his brother was wearing, accented with a deep blue sash. "I take it you've been working hard?"

"I have been blessed with some recent good fortune, if that's what you mean," he accepted with a chuckle, then gave his older brother a playful pat on the stomach. "I see your love of samosas hasn't waned."

"As far as I know, I'm the same weight I was the last time we saw each other, so quit it," he shot back, knocking Manan's hand away. "You're starting to sound like mother."

"I'm not surprised," the white tiger groaned, his light-hearted expression briefly faltering. "After all, her oldest son who _should_ be looking after her is off globe-trotting and playing the eternal bachelor. Meanwhile, you should see her and Anisha- it's like being caught in a war zone."

"I sympathize with your wife, but I don't think mother would take kindly to living away from the rest of her family in Bombay, with my assistant." He had lost count of how many times he'd had this discussion with his brother, but then, he didn't know anyone whose family escaped the inevitable fighting over who "received the honor" of living with an overbearing mother. "How's your son?"

"I sent him far, far away," Manan replied with no hint whatsoever of remorse. At the dismayed look on Rahim's face, he just rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't give me that look. It's for his own good, especially with his mother and grandmother acting like they are. He'll become a gatka master, and hopefully end up with a decent ranking in the army."

"You sent him off to learn gatka?" Rahim's eyebrows shot up at the notion; he'd never known his brother to have a single violent bone in his body, and the idea of him willingly allowing his son to practice a martial art at all- and encourage the boy to join the army- was startling, to say the least. Manan was a literary scholar, after all, and taught at the university. "_Why?_"

"I hate to say this about my only son," he sighed, "but it's all the boy is suited to. He may have inherited his mother's good looks, but he missed out on her good sense- so it was either this, or let him run amuck and impregnate every young tigress from here to the Hooghly river."

"So you caught him with someone," Rahim concluded.

"His English tutor," Manan confirmed.

"English, you say?" He once again eyed the paneer stuffed roll before motioning to the vendor to give him two. "So you're aware of what's in store." He offered Manan the second one, and despite his brother's earlier teasing about weight gain, he accepted it.

"Come on, Rahim. I know you think you're smarter than I am, but I still have eyes and ears."

"I don't think I'm smarter," he protested, unable to keep a slight whine out of his voice.

The younger tiger just stared flatly back at him.

"Okay, a little," he conceded. "But only in a common sense way, if that makes you feel any better."

Manan raised an eyebrow at him, surveying him critically as he finished off the last of his roll. "Walk with me," he invited, adopting a much more serious attitude.

As they walked, Rahim took the opportunity to eye the vendors and shops lining the main street; while there were the usual sellers of produce and cheap street foods, brightly colored fabric by the bolt, and cheap trinkets ranging from water jars to jewelry, Calcutta was not a cultural center for nothing. There were just as many sellers of books and scrolls, with manuscripts from all over the world- one store front even boasted having scrolls salvaged from the famed ancient library of Alexandria on display. Not to mention the artists and printmakers with wares for sale, multiple vendors shouting out advertisements for rare antiques, and even the odd dancing cobra or two. While the marketplace was indeed crowded with people from every corner of the continent, the chaos made for a perfect place to discuss sensitive information. No one would hear them over the din- and certainly no one who _wanted_ any sort of information would dare get close enough to two hulking bengal tigers to glean anything of real import, anyway. "I am sure you can guess by now that I'm here on business," Rahim finally spoke, catching his brother's eye.

For one of only a handful of times in his life, he looked worried. "Well, when the englishmen started to build a fortress, I knew it was only a matter of time before you would show up."

He suddenly understood why his brother, a life-long pacifist, had sent his son away to learn martial arts. It wasn't the gatka that appealed to Manan- it was the distance. The tiger wanted his only child as far away from Bengal as the boy could get. And if the boy learned to defend himself in the process, all the better. "You're making me nervous," Rahim admitted quietly, though he tried to keep his expression neutral.

"What's there to be nervous about?" Manan muttered back. "It has become apparent that we are no longer citizens of India, but of the British empire. Truly, the sun never sets upon the kingdom of our great rulers."

"I received word of the new Nawab, though what I am expected to negotiate I'm not exactly sure." He was a _foreign_ diplomat, after all, and he doubted that an Empire that had taken Bengal by force would be up for negotiations. "What is the good word?" And, of course, he didn't trust a single one of them- or any of his countrymen who represented the government, for that matter- half as far as he could throw them.

"There is word, but whether it's good is up for interpretation." The white tiger shook his head in disapproval. While most wouldn't expect a simple university professor to have an ear pressed so closely to the rumor mill, Rahim knew better- he himself had inherited their father's profession, while Manan had inherited their father's contacts. And after over forty years as a diplomat, the man had amassed quite an address book. "As we speak, the British East India Trading Company is consolidating its trade business right here in Bengal."

"Among other things," Rahim huffed.

"Well, of course having control over the territory helps on that front," he agreed. "For instance, they won't exactly be taxing themselves. Which will be quite handy with the opium trade."

"Opium?" Rahim could hardly dispute the drug's popularity, but surely it couldn't have been making that much money with the restrictions the Chinese government had put on its sale: the new Emperor had outlawed the import and sale of the drug, except for medical purposes.

"They're sneaking it over the border," Manan elaborated, and Rahim mused that he really should have seen that coming. "They've practically got a monopoly established on all the opium in the country. And of course, the Brits have been buying goods from the Chinese for centuries- but you know how expensive that is, when the Chinese want barely anything from any European country-"

"Of course," he accepted; everyone who knew anything about trade knew that the Chinese would accept only silver as payment, and as the British used the gold standard, they first needed to purchase silver from other countries.

"So to get some of their silver back-"

"They're illegally trading opium," Rahim finished, rubbing at his temple; there was no way such a practice could possibly end well. "And sneaking it over _our_ border."

"Their border, now," Manan reminded him. "But no country wants to trade _illegally_. Not forever, anyway."

"You think they want to negotiate a new treatise?"

He gave Rahim a flat look. "Just like they negotiated a treatise here in Bengal?"

Alarmed by his brother's conjecture, he glanced around the crowded street to make sure absolutely no one had overheard, then lowered his voice even further. "You don't mean to imply an invasion force?"

"I don't think they'll go for a full-on invasion, not right away," Manan whispered. "But if they're going to start something, they're going to focus their energies on three places: the border here, the Forbidden City to take care of the Emperor, and, of course-"

"The Valley of Peace," Rahim once again interrupted, his eyes wide at the revelation.

"Will you stop that?" Manan snapped. "If you know so much about it, why don't _you_ tell the story?"

"Sorry." He still couldn't believe what he was hearing; if Manan's prediction proved correct, he'd been called to Calcutta to help orchestrate an attack on a major world power which would most certainly result in a war into which the Indian people would also be dragged. "You really think they would march on the Valley of Peace?"

"That _is_ where all of China's greatest warriors live," Manan reasoned. "And the Grand Master of kung fu is considered second only to the Emperor himself- there's hardly anyone in the world who doesn't know that. It makes sense, doesn't it? To get rid of the strongest opposition first?"

"It makes sense," he accepted. "But Manan, what would they need _me_ for?"

"The easiest way to get into a country," his brother reasoned, "is to declare peaceful intent. And for that, they would need a diplomat. Particularly one fluent in the language."

Rahim wouldn't be surprised if he passed out right in the middle of the street. "I _know_ people there, you know."

"Oh, right, that insane woman you were involved with," Manan accepted, sounding a little annoyed. "The one who attempted to seduce my wife."

"Succeeded," Rahim corrected, ignoring his brother's expression of horror. "But you're missing the point. The point is... The point is- this is _bad._ Really, _really bad_."

"You didn't hear it from me."

"Oh, yeah, like I'm really going to run around shouting this from the rooftops and letting everyone know _I heard it from you_."

"You're not going to be like this for your whole visit, are you?" Manan asked dubiously.

In response, Rahim simply smacked him upside the head, ignoring his whining about the pain. If what his brother had told him were true, he would need to tread lightly. Whatever the British had planned with China, they wouldn't implement anything for another few months at least. First, they would need his help to compose message after message to send to the Emperor and the Grand Master of kung fu respectively, requesting safe passage into the country to meet and negotiate a new trade agreement. It would take months of correspondence just to convince the foreign officials to agree to negotiations, let alone agree upon the when, where, and why. Not to mention all the customs which needed to be regarded, such as the traditional tributes to the Emperor and the Grand Master.

In the meantime, he would have to come up with some sort of plan. And he knew precisely who to contact for help.

* * *

Po had always had a pretty strong sense of smell, which he credited to growing up in a restaurant. A well-developed sense of smell was almost as essential in the kitchen as a finely honed sense of taste. So, naturally, when someone happened to be cooking something delectable, Po could smell it from the other side of the mountain.

Despite the fact that he was supposed to be meditating and resisting temptations and distractions of the physical world, he couldn't help but sniff at the air as the smell of beets wafted up toward the peach tree of heavenly wisdom. He opened his eyes to glance longingly over his shoulder in the direction of the barracks kitchen. He knew that Lin's cooking was probably the source of the delicious scent and his mouth started watering at the mere thought of the beet soup she'd promised him.

Besides, it had started to get pretty chilly out, the peach tree's rapid loss of leaves evidence of the encroaching change of seasons. A warm, hearty soup was just what the doctor ordered. And there would always be time later to meditate. So, following his nose, he headed toward the kitchen.

"Oh, wow," he sighed as he entered the kitchen and caught sight of Lin peeling and chopping potatoes. "What're ya makin'? 'Cause it smells _awesome_."

"Just that borscht I promisedya," she replied, smiling warmly at him.

How no one else saw that warmth, he still had trouble understanding. Just the other day he'd tried to convince the Five that the canine was good company, which had been met with disbelieving laughter. "Ya didn't hafta do that."

"I like to keep my promises." She then offered him up a jar from the counter. "Green tea cookie?"

"Yeah!" He grabbed a handful of cookies, popping them into his mouth one by one. He would never say it out loud to Lin herself (she'd probably beat the snot out of him), but having her around felt sort of like having a grandmother. While she could hardly be considered a sweet little old lady, she still gave him advice, cooked for him, and generally treated him like family. Besides, he'd never known his own grandmother, and he'd always wondered what it might have been like to grow up with her around. "Y'know," he observed around a mouthful of cookie, "everyone acts like whatever you're doin' at Bao Gu's probably scarrin' the kids for life, but now that I got to know ya, I think you'd be really good with 'em."

She shot him an intense glare that made him seriously consider shrinking back into the corner of the room.

"Or not," he squeaked out.

"What are you doing to my student?" Master Shifu suddenly interrupted as he entered the kitchen, his eyes darting suspiciously back and forth between the two. "You are not talking about your sex life again, are you?"

"You wish," Lin tossed over her shoulder, then dumped her chopped potatoes into the pot of pungent beet stew.

"What are you making?"

"Your favorite: beets."

"I do not like beets," Master Shifu huffed, and Po could sense with large amounts of discomfort that a fight was brewing between the two seniors.

"Too bad," Lin replied without even looking up from her pot, "'cause I'm making beets."

"It smells awful in here," he went on, and while Po didn't want to get involved in the fight, it took effort to keep from telling the master that he must be crazy, because it smelled heavenly in the kitchen. "Why must you constantly torture me? Why are you even making beets? _Nobody_ likes beets."

"Like who?" she shot back, undeterred by his discouragement.

"Me, for instance. I _hate_ beets."

"What part of 'too bad' dontchya understand?" Lin was starting to sound agitated, and Po took a step back from the altercation just in case.

"The part where you are making beets in the first place!" Shifu snapped, causing Lin to throw her knife down onto the counter and glare at him. "I despise beets!"

"Well the panda _likes 'em!_" she suddenly growled, grabbing hold of a wooden spoon and waving it menacingly at him. "And if you don't wanna eat beets, then you can just eat my _dick_ instead, how about _that?_"

Po nearly jumped out of his skin when Shifu shot him a suspicious look, then held his hands up in surrender to the old master. "No comment," he rushed out, hoping it would be enough to keep him from offending anyone. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side.

"We need to talk, panda," Shifu informed him, and Po knew he had to be agitated, since Master Shifu never called him by name when he was ticked off. "_Now_." He stomped out of the kitchen and Po followed, attempting to ignore the bottom dropping out of his stomach.

"Um, is there somethin' wrong?" he asked quietly as Shifu ushered him to the end of the hallway, out of Lin's hearing range.

"Why is Lin making beets for you?" Shifu interrogated.

"I dunno," he answered, flummoxed by the question, as well as the harsh tone his master had taken. "I mean, she heard me tell my dad I like beets, and then she said she'd make 'em for me, but I never _asked_. I didn't know ya hated 'em that much."

Shifu pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "That is not what this is about. And when did she meet _your father?_"

"When we had lunch at the restaurant," he answered casually, then jumped a little bit at the horrified look on Shifu's face. "Agh- _again?_ No! No, it _wasn't a date._"

"Good, I was about to seriously question your judgment."

Po almost asked why he would say something like that about his own girlfriend, but then decided against it; referring to Lin as Master Shifu's "girlfriend" wouldn't exactly go over well.

Shifu wasn't done with his questioning, anyway. "When did you have lunch with her?

"A few days ago, almost a week." He furrowed his brow, trying to think of anything significant that might have happened around that time, but he drew a complete blank. "I still don't get why this's so important."

"It is important because Lin _likes_ you," Shifu pointed out.

"Well, yeah, I could kinda tell." He shut his mouth with an audible snap when his master glared at him again.

"What I mean is, Lin likes you _a lot_," the red panda elaborated. "As in, she has an unusual amount of fondness for you."

Po rocked back awkwardly on his heels, uncomfortable with the whole conversation in general. "This isn't leading anywhere _weird_, is it?"

Shifu's eye twitched, but he blinked hard a few times to stop it. "Don't be an idiot, panda."

"Sorry."

"As I was saying, perhaps Lin's fondness for you will lead her to confide in you, as she would not confide in others."

"Yeah, _tell me _about it," Po sighed as he thought back on all the deeply personal information the aging dog had already shared with him.

"Hah!" Shifu shouted triumphantly, smacking his fist down in his open palm. "I knew it!"

He wanted to take a step back, but, unfortunately, Shifu _was_ his master, so all he could do was twiddle his thumbs. "I get the feelin' this actually _is_ gonna go somewhere weird."

"Lin received a letter recently, and I need you to find out what was in it."

"And we're there."

"It is not weird!" Shifu snapped. "That scroll is from Master Chen, and I get the feeling that there is something important in it that Lin is refusing to tell me."

Po paused, wondering if he'd heard correctly. "Wait- _the_ Master Chen?"

"Yes, _the_ Master Chen."

"As in, the Master Chen who mastered five-hundred scrolls of kung fu in five-hundred days? The Master Chen who fought alongside Master Flying Rhino, Master Dog, and Lady Wind Song? The Master Chen who once stopped a volcano from erupting just by _looking at it?_"

"Yes, _that_ Master Chen," Shifu grumbled, looking inexplicably disgruntled. "And that last one is _not _true."

"How d'you know?"

"Because it is impossible! And do not tell me that nothing is impossible because some things _are_ impossible!" He paused and gripped his head for a moment, then let out a tense breath through his nose. "But, once again, that is not the point. The point is, I need to know what is written in that letter."

There was just one part of the whole story that Po still didn't get. "How does Lin know _the_ Master Chen, anyway?"

"She was his student-"

"Whoahohoho!" The panda interrupted, though he couldn't help his exclamation; as far as he'd heard, Master Chen had never trained any warriors. Not to mention the man was a living legend, and it was said that so much as laying eyes on him could imbue someone with the power of one-hundred oxen. Although, that was probably an exaggeration- which didn't make it any less cool. "Wow, oh _wow! _I knew there was somethin' about her I liked! Oh man, is 'Lin' a cover name to, like, keep her fans from findin' her? Who is she, really? I mean, if _Master Chen_ taught her, I'm sure I heard of her! Y'think she'd gimme her autograph?"

"_Calm down_, panda," Shifu huffed, becoming even more agitated at his student's excitement. "Lin is not a master of kung fu. In fact, Lin does not know _any_ kung fu. _At all_."

"...Say what?"

"Most warriors do not know this, but after mastering kung fu, Master Chen went on to become one of the most well-regarded artists in all of China."

Po gaped at his master after hearing that. "...Say _what?_"

"You have probably never heard of this," Shifu went on, sounding annoyed at his reaction, "but Master Chen was once quoted as saying, 'Kung fu is my hobby, and art is my life.' The only person who could even convince him to get involved in a battle was Master Oogway himself."

"Right, 'cause Oogway trained him... But why'd he wanna give up kung fu to begin with?" That was the part he really couldn't understand; why would _anyone_ give up kung fu, especially after learning it from Master Oogway himself?

"Do not ask me to understand," Shifu huffed as he ushered Po back toward the kitchen. "He became an artist, and Lin was his student, and now you are going to get her to tell you what is in that scroll."

"But-"

"Enjoy your beets." With that, he shoved Po back into the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind him.

He wouldn't be surprised if his master decided to lock him in, either.

"What was _that_ all about?" Lin asked, oblivious to the conspiring that had gone on behind her back. "I tell him to eat my dick _once _and he flips out."

"Go figure," Po replied with a nervous laugh. He had absolutely no experience with trying to coax information out of someone, especially in the sneaky way that Master Shifu wanted to do it; he didn't even know how he'd gotten dragged into this, to be honest. "...So. Master Shifu... Doesn't like beets?"

"Oh, he's full of shit," Lin dismissed immediately as she began chopping up cabbage. "He hasn't _touched_ a beet in decades. I'll bet he doesn't remember what they taste like anymore 'an he remembers what a _woman_ tastes like."

Po barely managed to keep himself from gagging. "Eurgh, mental image," he groaned, wincing.

"Try to enjoy it," she advised. "I know _I_ do."

"So!" he replied loudly, hoping to change the subject. "Who did you, uhm... Learn art stuff from, anyway?"

"Shifu wantsya to try to get me to tellya what was in my letter from Chen so you can relay it to him, doesn't he?" she concluded flatly, and so quickly that he was left stunned.

"...How'd ya figure that out so fast?"

"I didn't, Shifu's voice carries," she dismissed with a wave of her knife. "But don't tell him that, overhearing his conversations really comes in handy."

"Okay," he agreed awkwardly, unsure of how to continue the conversation from there. "So," he added, rocking back on his heels. "...So."

"You got a big lady-boner for Chen, like Shifu does?" Lin suddenly asked, then even stepped aside and beckoned him to join her at the counter.

He walked up to the counter and leaned over to get an up-close and personal whiff of the beet soup. "Uhm, I'm not sure what that means."

"It means I'm pretty sure Shifu spent his formative years writing his name and Chen's together inside hearts all over his kung fu scrolls," she replied, humor clear in her voice. "And the funniest part of it is that Chen thinks Shifu's an annoying old pervert."

Po couldn't help but feel a little jealous at the way Lin spoke of one of his many kung fu heroes, as if they were old friends. She never showed even a hint of the deference one usually used in reference to an elder, a teacher, or a master- not to anyone. At least in her own eyes, she was Chen's equal, his comrade. And while Po admitted that he had become uncommonly close to Shifu, he'd get his butt kicked if he let the respect a student usually showed to a master drop. Not that Lin didn't respect people in her own way, but he didn't think anyone else on the planet could get away with the things she did and said on a daily basis, and few had the nerve to try. "How d'ya do that?" he asked. "How d'ya act like like that? Like ya wouldn't even bow to the Emperor himself?"

"Maybe 'cause I'd never actually bow to the Emperor," she shot back, and he gasped a little bit in shock. "Oh, please. Y'think if I gave a shit who heard me badmouth the empire I'da needed to leave China in the first place? The Emperor ain't a god, he ain't appointed by gods, he's just a guy who won the birth lottery. And I don't approve of imperial forms of government, anyway. Besides, I don't see why I should bow down to _anyone_. Some of us may be apples, and some of us may be oranges, but in the end we're all fruit. And I don't expect or ask anyone to treat me any differently."

"That was kinda poetic, in a weird way," he complimented as he realized that she had a point; wasn't that why he had shared the Dragon Scroll's secret with the villagers? Wasn't that the philosophy Oogway himself had taught, in saying that anyone could learn kung fu and a great warrior could come from anywhere? Lin had a less elegant way of saying it, but he wasn't exactly a master of prose himself. "Y'know, you're pretty wise and... Stuff." Case in point.

"Ain't no substitute for experience, panda," she informed him, then leaned over to drop the chopped cabbage into her pot, which already contained beets, carrots and the potatoes she'd worked on earlier. "Ain't no substitute for some hot borscht, either."

"So, um... Can I taste it?" He reached out toward the pot as he asked, his will-power dissolving at the sight of its magenta contents.

"Not yet," she scolded, then in one swift motion scooped up her wooden spoon and swatted his hand with it.

"Ow," he whined, sucking on his bruised knuckles as she pushed past him to stir the pot.

She sniffed at the pot, then sprinkled some salt into it and stirred again. "It just needs to simmer for a little while, until the vegetables are cooked."

"Great," he sighed, his mouth already watering in anticipation. "So, you're not gonna tell me anything about that letter while we wait... Are ya?"

"Nope," she replied conversationally, then grabbed a bowl filled with a mound of straining cloth. "Wanna taste the sour cream?"

"Oooh!" So he wasn't the best interrogator in the world. Lin had a few years on him, anyway, and he didn't think Master Shifu would fault him for that (alright, he really would). But that wasn't on the forefront of his mind, anyway- the bowl of sour cream made sure of that.

* * *

Lin let out a heavy sigh as she cleaned up the dishes she'd left to soak after dinner. Nobody had really liked her borscht except for her and Po. She'd had to practically shove the stuff down Shifu's throat, and he'd made faces the whole time like a huge baby. Still, she doubted he'd hated the beet dish as much as he'd acted like he did- he just wanted to be contrary, and didn't want to admit that he'd been wrong when he'd insisted that beets were gross.

Speaking of Shifu, she still needed to tell him the truth about Chen's letter. How she'd do so without causing his giant head to explode, she had no idea, but she couldn't bring herself to leave before she'd told him the truth. She contemplated not telling him at all; it wouldn't be the first time she'd kept something from him. But this was entirely different from the time she'd repeatedly stabbed her lover or the time she'd gotten engaged to a gambling addict- this actually _involved_ Shifu. It was about his family, even. And if she kept something from him as monumental as his son being alive- the son he'd been secretly mourning- she'd never forgive herself.

"I see you," she sighed as she caught sight of Shifu himself lingering out in the hallway, probably trying to come up with some "clever" way of interrogating her about Shanghai. "Ifya want a little late night snack, I won't stopya." Food was probably the last thing on his mind.

He'd been attempting to grill her about Chen's letter from the moment it had arrived, which she of course found supremely annoying- hence why she'd held back the information for so long. "I think this is the first time I have ever seen you do the dishes on your own," he replied as he joined her in the kitchen, taking a seat at the table, "and you're not even getting paid for it. I am shocked."

"Is that why you were lurking out there like an imperial spy?" she shot back.

"There are very few imperial spies in existence and they are all in the Forbidden City," he sighed.

"Shows how much you know."

He glared at her a moment, then surprisingly enough managed to calm himself down. "So, dinner was... Interesting."

"The only interesting thing about it was that you thought it'd somehow be appropriate to act like a finicky toddler in fronta your students." She knew he'd get annoyed if _she _called _him_ out for being inappropriate, but that was half the fun.

"You will not get to me so easily tonight," he informed her, though he did sound pretty tense.

"Okay, good," she accepted as she finished off the last of the dishes and set them aside to dry, then joined him at the table. "It's more fun to have a challenge."

"Say what you want, but I know that not-so-deep down you are nothing more than a big softy." Apparently he'd planned on giving as good as he got. "You _worry_ about me," he pointed out smugly.

"How can I not?" she shot back. "Every timeya walk through a doorway I think your big head's gonna get stuck."

"What a coincidence, I think the same thing about your backside," he returned, but it was hardly enough to trump her.

"Oh, is _that_ why you're always staring at it?" she asked with faux innocence.

"I do _not_ stare at your butt," he protested, though even as he said the words his gaze momentarily strayed below her belt.

She rolled her eyes, though in reality she didn't mind- that would make her a hypocrite. "Whatever you say." She was getting fed-up with them tip-toeing around the real issue at hand, though.

"Just because you _used to_ have a phenomenal behind- wait, no, I didn't mean that how it sounded-" he stuttered out, slowly turning red as he dug his own grave deeper and deeper- "that is to say, there was once a time when I _did_ appreciate your assets- and they _are_ quite fit for a woman in our age range- but _I do not stare_."

She _almost_ felt bad for him, so she decided to end his pain; besides, if she didn't bring up the letter sooner or later, he'd end up inadvertently going on about her butt for another ten minutes then running off like an embarrassed teenager. "It's time to cut the bullshit, Shifu," she replied flatly, fixing him with her most penetrating stare.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" he huffed, crossing his arms.

She was _slightly_ impressed that he was willing to cling onto his act to the bitter end, but that wouldn't stop her from calling him out. "C'mon," she sighed, rolling her eyes at him. "Ever since I got that letter from Chen you've been up my ass- which I wouldn't mind if it were literal- and you've even _flirted_ with me."

"I have never flirted with you," he denied grumpily, though she didn't believe him for a second.

"Not to mention that stunt you tried to pull, asking the panda to do your dirty work forya," she added, and when he winced at that last assertion she knew she'd gotten him. "You're not subtle, you old dummy. Your attempts to interrogate me didn't work three decades ago, and _now_- now they're just awkward and kinda pathetic."

He glared at her for that last comment. "What else am I supposed to do when you refuse to give me even the tiniest scrap of information?" he snapped.

"You could try acting like a _normal person_ and trust me," she shot back. "The way I trusted you enough to put my livelihood in your hands."

He blinked back at her, his narrowed eyes widening in justified embarrassment. After a brief awkward silence, he cleared his throat and spoke in a much more level, reasonable tone. "It has always seemed to me that you are _actively_ hiding things from me. And while I realize that you like your privacy, there comes a point when I must wonder if you will _ever_ confide _anything _in me."

She had to hand it to him: he'd gotten good at using guilt. Unfortunately for him, it didn't work on her- especially when she knew precisely how he would react to some of the things she wasn't telling him. "You really wanna know why I'm going to visit Chen?"

"Absolutely," he agreed so quickly that it sort of cheapened his heartfelt plea for her to confide in him.

This was her last chance to back out; she knew what Chen wanted her to do, and she knew what would be easier, what would be _safer_ to do. But she also knew what the right thing to do would be. Maybe she was being stupid, maybe she was letting her feelings get in the way of logic, but if she couldn't trust her heart at her age then there was something wrong with her. "Listen, Shifu," she sighed, steeling herself for the inevitable backlash. "If I tellya what's going on in Shanghai, you gotta promise you'll _try_ to trust me. Okay?"

"Okay," he agreed, raising his eyebrows when she reached out to take hold of his hand.

She knew how hard it would be for him to hear the news, though, and she wanted to show some kind of support. "I'm not sure how to break this gently, so I'll just say it. Tai Lung's alive."

He stared blankly back at her for a moment, then frowned at her and yanked his hand out of hers. "That is _not_ funny!" he snapped. "Do you have _any_ clue what you are even saying-"

"It's true!" she interrupted, shocked that he would even think she'd do such a thing. "You think I'd joke about something like that? What the hell's wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with _you?_" he shot back. "Why would you _ever_ think that Tai Lung is alive?"

"'Cause he's with Chen. That's why I'm going to Shanghai."

"_What?_" Shifu roared, and Lin leaned back a bit, wincing at the volume of his exclamation. "Explain yourself! Immediately!"

"It's Chen's letter," she elaborated. "He told me Tai Lung's in Shanghai and they need to figure out what to do with him-"

"They?"

"He and Yan-Yan need to figure it out." She paused, unsure of whether to reveal the next tidbit of information, but she didn't want him to think it was her idea to keep Tai Lung's status among the living from him. "And Chen said not to tellya."

"Why would he not want to tell me?" Shifu burst out as his eye began to twitch. "I am the Grand Master of kung fu! _I_ am the one who trained Tai Lung to begin with! In what _universe_ would it be alright to keep this from me?"

"I dunno!" she snapped. "It wasn't _my_ idea!"

He shot to his feet and fixed her with an accusatory glare. "Like you have any problem with keeping secrets from me!"

Lin tried to keep her temper under control, but she didn't appreciate how he'd resorted to taking his anger out on her. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"As if you don't know!" he scoffed. "You think I cannot tell when you are hiding something from me? You have hardly mentioned a word about yourself since you have returned!"

"Oh, so I _must_ be keeping _secrets_ from you!" she shot back sarcastically, standing to face him and show him she wouldn't stand for being pushed around and accused. She accidentally knocked her chair over in the process, but covered it up by pretending she'd meant to do it. "I mean, why else would I not immediately tell you every tiny detail about my personal life?"

He seemed determined not to back down, either, and he took a step forward. "You are certainly too secretive for your own good!" He was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her face- and, unfortunately, smell it.

She wrinkled her nose a bit, though she had to admit that there were some perks to being so close to him that outweighed the borscht breath- not that she'd ever seriously admit that to him. "Didya brush your teeth after dinner?"

If looks could kill... "Unbelievable! You _always_ do this! You cannot have a serious discussion about _anything!_ You always resort to crude, petty jokes!"

"Oh, so _now_ you know me!" She closed what little gap there was between them, though she knew he wouldn't be intimidated. "You don't know me at all until it comes time to point out my faults, then _conveniently_ you turn into an expert!"

"You know what?" he breathed.

"_What?_" she spat, ready to tear his clothes off right then and there.

"Not everything is about you!" He took a step back, crossed his arms and looked at her so coldly that her libido came to a grinding halt. "I am not going to allow this to turn into a discussion about _you_. This is about Tai Lung, and how I am going to Shanghai whether Chen likes it or not!"

"Oh, right." Personally, she'd thought the quickly escalating fight about her had actually been more about the thinly-veiled sexual tension Shifu felt around her. But she could have been mistaken. "Shifu, ifya show up in Shanghai without Chen's knowledge or permission, he'll tearya a new asshole."

"Then I will go with you," he insisted, with no trace of hesitation- which came as a surprise, to say the least. "If you vouch for me, he won't have any room to protest."

She couldn't say she didn't want to let him come along, but she had reason to pause. Exactly how would he- and Tai Lung, for that matter- react once they met again? The last time they'd seen each other, Tai Lung had nearly killed the old master.

Of course, Shifu went and made it worse. "I will have to alert Po and the Furious Five, and of course Po will accompany us. Should Tai Lung resist-"

"_Resist?_" she repeated incredulously. "What're you talking about?"

"What do you _think_ I am talking about? This is Tai Lung we are discussing! If he is alive, we need to subdue him and return him to prison immediately. In fact, I wouldn't even be bringing you with me if it were not for Chen."

"_You_ wouldn't be bringing _me?_" She raised her eyebrows at him, in disbelief. "Chen sent that letter to _me!_ _I'd_ be bringing _you!_ And only if you keep your mouth shut about this- I don't want any of your students anywhere near Shanghai!"

"What- how _dare_ you-"

"No, how dare _you!_" she interrupted. "I toldya about this 'cause you deserve to know, and you deserve to have a say- but now you're planning to bust all up in there, guns blazing? It's been _months_ since the panda beat Tai Lung, and he's apparently still with Chen of his own will. I'm not gonna deny that he's done a ton wrong, but if there's even a tiny possibility he might change, it's worth it to give him a second chance." She had to admit, it felt a little awkward defending Shifu's own son to him, but she had experience defending people on the wrong side of the law. "I mean, don't _you_ wanna give him a second chance, as his father?"

"When I fought Tai Lung I gave him the chance to back down, and he refused to take it," he argued, his voice cracking a bit as he spoke; he quickly recovered, though. "All he wanted was the Dragon Scroll!"

"And he got it," she pointed out; she had already been well-acquainted with the story of how the Dragon Warrior had defeated the scourge of the valley. "He got the scroll, and he saw for himself that it wasn't what he'd expected at all. I mean, try to imagine what he'd been thinking at that moment."

"There is no need for me to imagine _anything_. Tai Lung had already made up his mind, and I have made up mine." He turned around to storm off, but Lin refused to let him.

She managed to grab hold of his tail, much like she remembered him doing to her on multiple occasions, and held tight. "It was nothing!" she rushed out, hoping to stop him; she certainly wasn't strong enough to _physically_ stop him, anyway.

It seemed to do the trick; Shifu paused, his ears twitching irritably, then yanked his tail out of her hands and turned back to face her. "It was a reflection," he corrected.

"Right," she agreed with a nod. "Meaning the secret to being the Dragon Warrior was inside the panda all along, some sorta inspirational message about believing in yourself, that kinda crap, blah blah blah."

"Your point?" he ground out.

"So you saw the damn scroll! It meant whoever was the Dragon Warrior had it in him all along, and whoever wasn't... Didn't." She paused as she herself felt a twinge of sympathy for Tai Lung at the words. "It's one thing to think you got a chance, to have hope that ifya just try hard enough to reach what you want, you'll eventually be able to get it. It's another to find out that all that time, you never stood a chance to begin with. That everything, all that hope, was... Fake. I can relate to that. Can't you?"

From the pained look on his face, it seemed like he did indeed relate. "If you do not want me to tell Po or the Five, then what did you have in mind? I mean... What are we supposed to do, bring Tai Lung a gift basket and a card that says, 'Sorry you're not the Dragon Warrior'?"

She snorted a bit at the suggestion, then awkwardly cleared her throat at his glare. "We can talk about it when we get to Shanghai. From the letter Chen sent, it sounds like everything's fine so far. For all we know, Tai Lung could already be on the road to redemption. Either that or he's still injured and cranky and Chen's got him trapped."

They shared a knowing look, both aware of which option was most likely.

"Anyway... You _can_ come with me," she conceded, because Shifu _was_ Tai Lung's father and because she had a soft spot for the old melon-head. "As long as no one knows what's really up."

"And what if something happens?" he pressed. "I know you probably do not realize this, but... I cannot take Tai Lung on alone." If she didn't know any better, she'd say he'd been embarrassed to admit that to her. Mostly, though, she could tell he was miserable just having to discuss it.

"It'll be okay," she assured him, then reached out and gave his beard a gentle tug. "Chen'll be there, too, and Tai Lung's probably not in the best shape. And if worse comes to worst, I hear Yan-Yan's a doctor now."

"Thank you for that vote of confidence," he grumbled sarcastically. "As if I did not have enough to worry about already, now I need to deal with this- with _you_ along for the ride."

"What's wrong with _me?_" She couldn't believe he would suggest he dreaded being around _her_, after she'd put so much effort into being _nice _to him.

"Nothing, it is just that you should not be involved in any of this to begin with." He apparently didn't know what dangerous waters he'd decided to tread. "The only reason we are going to Shanghai together is that Chen would most likely kick me out of the city if I do not have you to convince him otherwise."

"There're a lotta clever things I could reply with," she informed him, somehow managing to sound much calmer than she actually felt. "But instead, I'll be blunt: _you are a jackass_."

His eye twitched, ever so slightly. "In what way am I a jackass?"

"I can't believe you even need clarification."

"Of course I need clarification!" His eye twitched again, and if she weren't so angry she would have found it hilarious; okay, she _still_ found it pretty funny. "I was only telling you the truth! What reason could you possibly have for going to Shanghai to help Chen decide what to do with _my_ former student? And what if he _did_ rampage again? You'd be killed!"

"I don't think you should count me out so easily," she advised. "If Chen trusts my judgment more'n he trusts yours, then there's a good reason for it." She knew pointing out Chen's preference was a bit of a low blow, but she honestly didn't care. "Now if you'll excuse me, I got packing to do." She pushed past him to get out of the kitchen and headed for her room in the hopes that he wouldn't follow her; she knew exactly where that conversation had been headed, and she didn't think she could stand listening to him go on about how much of a useless burden he apparently thought she was.

There _was_ a reason she'd gotten involved with Tai Lung's reappearance, and there _was_ a reason that Chen had chosen to write to her about it and not Shifu- she just needed to figure out what that reason was. Preferably before anyone besides Shifu called her out on it.

* * *

A/N: That's right: Rahim is the ugly duckling- or should I say tiger? All things considered, he could've had it worse. Not that any of you mind his even hotter younger brother, I'm sure. Anyway... Y'know, I never would have suspected it before writing this fic, but I gotta say, torturing Po is almost as fun as torturing Shifu.

As for references: when Lin woke Shifu up, of course that is a reference to a scene between Mr. Sheffield and Miss Fine in The Nanny. And Lin's apples and oranges quote is from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. And it bears mentioning that gatka is an Indian martial art with an emphasis on the use of melee weapons.

I swear next chapter you will finally hear from the rest of the Furious Five again. Also, Lin and Shifu are going to set out on their arduous journey. Though I'm sure the only thing making it arduous for them will be each other's company.


	6. The Way You Cut Your Meat

A/N: I apologize for this being so late. Between moving to a new city and looking for a new job and trying to get my life together, it's been pretty hectic for me lately. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. And once again, a special thanks to all my reviewers and regular readers; you guys are troopers.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

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Chapter 6: The Way You Cut Your Meat Reflects the Way You Live

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Viper glanced sideways at her fellow kung fu masters as they all gathered together in the courtyard outside of the training hall, as per their master's instructions. That morning, after the ring of the gong, he had instructed them to eat a quick breakfast, then wait for him in the courtyard. Of course, she knew just as well as the others that this meant Master Shifu wanted to speak to them or make an announcement. And she hoped, like she was sure her comrades did, that this meant they finally had _something_, anything at all, to do.

"I'm hoping for a bandit attack," Mantis suddenly spoke up from where he'd perched on Monkey's shoulder.

"That's awful," Crane scolded the insect. "Why would you hope for something like that?"

"Hey, everyone was thinking it," he pointed out. "I mean, Master Shifu's probably got a job for us to defend poor defenseless people- so if something bad's happening anyway, I hope it's a bandit attack. Boar bandits, hopefully- they bounce better."

"I would like thieves," Monkey argued back. "_Professional_ thieves. They'll climb almost anything."

Viper supposed there were more damaging ways to pass the time than to speculate on the type of foe they'd rather face. "Assassins," she added. "We haven't faced assassins in _forever_. And if we can't get assassins, I'd at least like some handsome crocodiles to flirt with."

"Just flirt with Po," Mantis dismissed, ignoring the bright red blush that instantly appeared on the bear's face.

"What do _you _think?" she asked Tigress, ignoring her teammate's flippant comment.

Tigress rolled her eyes, looking vaguely disgusted. "Like I care whether you practice your flirting on Po."

Viper narrowed her eyes at her friend. "I meant about the assignment Master Shifu's giving us," she clarified, wondering if she should read anything into the tiger's little slip-up.

"Oh," she accepted flatly, showing no sign of embarrassment over the comment. "Kung fu is kung fu. It doesn't matter how we use our skills, it only matters _that_ we use our skills."

"Shifu alert," Crane replied.

"Yeah, she _does_ sound just like him," Po agreed.

"No, I mean Shifu is coming."

At the avian master's warning they all fell into line, backs straight and eyes trained forward, toward their master. They bowed as Shifu approached, and he nodded to them as a sign that they could relax (well, as much as anyone could relax in his presence).

"Students," he greeted, then awkwardly cleared his throat. "I have, uhm... Something to tell you."

After a moment's silence, Po suddenly burst out, "What is it? Are we gonna beat up some bandits or catch thieves in the act or- or go up against the deadliest assassins in all of China or-"

"Panda!" Shifu snapped. "Calm down! There are no bandits, thieves, _or_ assassins."

"Sorry," the bear muttered sheepishly.

"I simply came to tell you all that I will be gone for the next month or so." At his students' surprised stares, he continued. "I have decided to go to Shanghai, to visit Master Chen. He is, after all, the oldest living master of kung fu and a former student of Master Oogway."

Viper had heard the many stories of the legendary Master Chen and his heroics, and she was also well aware of the fact that he had been a good friend of Master Oogway's and they had kept up a regular correspondence until the tortoise had passed into the next life. She also knew, through her conversations with Zeng and some of the other palace servants, that the end of Master Oogway's life in the physical realm had also meant the end of Master Chen's letters. It made sense that Master Shifu would want to pay a visit to the man in an attempt to get on his good side, but she had once met Master Chen, and could confidently say that the phrase "good side" in reference to him was a gross exaggeration. "I mean no offense, Master," she spoke up, treading as lightly as possible, "but are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I am not sure at all, no," he surprisingly admitted. "And if I am gone longer than six weeks you may assume that Chen has killed me. But I am still going."

"Can we come?" Po asked excitedly.

"No," he shot back without hesitation.

"Can _I_ come?"

"_No_."

"Aww."

Shifu folded his arms in front of him, placing his hands in his sleeves as he surveyed them with a stern expression. "I know it is not often that I leave you for such long stretches of time," he went on, as if Po had never interrupted. "And that this is my first trip without you since... Since Po has joined us."

The knowledge of Master Oogway's recent death, though unspoken, still hung heavy in the air as Shifu paused and they all stood in an oppressive silence.

Tigress was the first to break through the quiet. "We will not let you down, Master."

"I do not expect you to," he accepted, then addressed all of them. "Especially since Tigress will be in charge."

Viper couldn't be sure, but she thought she heard Mantis mutter "Aw, _man_," under his breath. Judging by the glare Master Shifu sent his way, he probably had. Not that she could blame him- on the rare occasions when Master Shifu had traveled abroad and left Tigress in charge, she had taken on the responsibility with, if it were possible, even more harshness than Shifu himself.

"Well, that is all," their master dismissed, turning to leave.

"Wait," Po called out, and the red panda's shoulders tensed before he slowly turned back around with a scowl firmly in place. "Uhm," he faltered a bit at the old master's expression. "Uh... I was just wonderin', Master, why you wanted to visit Chen."

"He sent a letter," Shifu ground out, raising his eyebrows at the panda. "And besides, I feel I should make a good faith visit, seeing as he never made it to Master Oogway's memorial."

"Oh, that makes sense," Po accepted. "But, uh... Wasn't that letter for Lin?"

Viper's mouth fell open at the question- mostly at the concept that _the_ Master Chen had written to Lin, who knew absolutely nothing about kung fu. She could tell from the expressions on her comrades' faces, which ranged from shock to horror, that the sentiment was mutual.

"Yes," Master Shifu admitted reluctantly, clearly annoyed that Po had pointed that out.

"Isn't Lin goin' with ya?" he pressed.

Shifu looked like he wanted to strangle him. "_Yes_."

"Oh!" Po exclaimed, looking only mildly surprised. "...So you two're goin' on a month-long trip together?"

"_Drop it_, panda," he snapped. "And as for the rest of you: _not one word_." With that, he brusquely walked away.

After a long silence during which they all processed the information they'd just been given and waited until they could safely talk outside of their master's hearing range, all eyes turned to Po.

"What?" the panda asked innocently.

Viper voiced what everyone had been thinking. "How did you know about that letter, and more importantly, why was it for _Lin?_"

"Master Shifu told me about the letter," he answered with a shrug, as if this were nothing out of the ordinary. "And Lin used to be Master Chen's student."

"_What?_" Tigress burst out, staring at him as if he'd gone insane.

"But she's no kung fu master," Monkey chimed in.

"Maybe it's a different Chen," Crane suggested.

"Or a different _universe_," Mantis countered with a chuckle.

"No, really," Po answered. "After Master Chen mastered kung fu, he, uh... Decided to go into art. And apparently he's really great at that, too. So he taught Lin."

Viper had known about Master Chen's notoriety as a painter, but she had never suspected that _he_ of all people had been Lin's master. She could hardly even believe that Lin had been qualified for her new position as the Jade Palace's official artist all along. To be honest, she'd thought Shifu had only given the woman the job to get into her pants (as much as it pained her to think of her own master like that).

"And here I thought Shifu only made her the Jade Palace's resident artist 'cause he wanted some _canine companionship_," Mantis mused aloud; apparently she hadn't been alone in her assumption.

"Every time you say something like that about Master Shifu, the gods extinguish a star," Crane groaned, rubbing at his forehead with a wing.

"And if you keep it up, _I_ will extinguish _you_," Tigress threatened. "Master Shifu may, for some unfathomable reason, be friends with that crone, but that is _all_. So I suggest you stop talking about him like he is some lecherous old tail-chaser."

Viper eyed her friend, unconvinced by the argument. Of course, Master Shifu _did_ seem to have a friendship with Lin, and he didn't often pay romantic attention to anyone, but it was pretty obvious that something had been going on between the two of them. In fact, only a few nights ago she had witnessed an event that supported her theory, though she hadn't planned on telling anyone.

While some would think her serpentine body served as a disadvantage, this simply was not true, especially for a kung fu master who'd spent years honing her speed and agility; among other perks, her slithering lent itself well to stealth (and she'd been practicing her "subtlety," as Master Shifu had once suggested)- as a result, most people couldn't detect her approach. In fact, the only person who ever seemed to hear her was Master Shifu himself, and even then his incredible hearing only detected her about half the time. But even if she'd come clambering noisily down the barracks hall to the kitchen that night, shouting folk songs at the top of her lungs, she doubted her master would have noticed.

Her quest for a midnight snack had instead provided her with food for thought, as she stumbled upon an incredibly unexpected scene- although it certainly explained a lot. And while she knew it was rude not to announce her presence, she hadn't been able to stop herself from spying. And what she saw... She would never be able to erase it from her mind.

Master Shifu was putting the moves on Lin.

In his own way, of course. Viper had experienced the misfortune of seeing her master try to flirt before, when he'd taken a liking to her seamstress- and as a result, she'd had to find a new seamstress. She watched with shock, though, as Shifu's usual strategy of flat-out insulting a woman actually seemed to be _working_ on the old dog. At an insult about her gravelly voice, Lin had just grinned and made fun of Shifu's large ears. Then, she'd turned her attention to the stove, where she had something sweet-smelling cooking in a pot, and Viper had barely suppressed a scandalized gasp as her master's gaze promptly fell well below eye-level. When Lin had caught the old flirt staring at her backside, though, she'd seemed far from offended; in fact, she'd reacted with smug laughter. When Shifu attempted to shrug off the action with a comment about observing the side effects of the woman's rich cooking, Viper had turned away with a roll of her eyes, unable to bear any more. She'd even resisted the urge to mutter, "Get a room, already," under her breath; she doubted her master would have reacted well if he'd overheard such a comment.

She wondered if she should say anything, but if Tigress was going to find out the truth, she might as well hear it from a friend. "I'm not sure how to put this, Tigress, but... Mantis is sort of... Right on the money."

"What do you mean?" the tiger asked menacingly.

"What I mean is, I saw Master Shifu, uhm... Well, let's just say that if Lin's butt were a bowl full of dumplings and Master Shifu were Po, he would have mastered all one thousand scrolls of kung fu in one night, _and then some_."

"I'm not sure if I should be offended by that," Po spoke up, furrowing his brow at her.

"I _am_ offended by that," Tigress growled, crossing her arms as she glowered at the serpent.

Viper looked to her fellow masters for support, and while to their credit they all looked ready to spring forward and prevent any _physical_ altercation, they unfortunately had the good sense to keep their mouths shut. "Tigress," she attempted to reason, "I know it must be hard for you to face the realization that Master Shifu is a sexual being-"

"_Arrrgh!_" she roared, her hands flying up to cover her ears. "Enough!"

She raised her voice and continued, since she knew she was one of the few people who could get away with it. "I remember the first time I realized _my_ father's status as a sexual being!"

"No!" Tigress argued, looking like she might be sick. "No you don't and you are not talking about it!"

"It's nothing to get upset about! _Everyone_ is a sexual being, and I know you don't like Lin, but it is beautiful that after so many years of solitude that now, in the waning years of his life, Master Shifu is able to embrace his sexuality and enjoy the emotional and physical intimacy he has denied himself for so long!"

"Oh, ew," Mantis muttered, "and you guys thought _I_ was gross."

"That's it!" Tigress growled. "I am going inside to train, and if I _ever_ hear _one word_ about this again, whoever that word comes from will end up in a body cast!" With that, she stormed into the training hall, slamming the door behind her.

"This is going to be a fun month," Crane sighed.

"You guys could have backed me up," she hissed, annoyed by their unhelpful attitudes.

"Sorry," Monkey apologized with a shrug, "but Master Shifu's intimacy is none of my business."

She rolled her eyes, then turned to the only person who was remotely capable of being reasoned with. "Po, you're close to Master Shifu."

"Oh, gods," the panda groaned.

"Master Shifu invited Lin to live here, and now he's taking her to Shanghai to visit her former master. Don't you think there's something going on between them?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," he agreed. "Just _please_ don't mention any more sexual embracing, okay?"

"Fine," she sighed; she knew when she'd been defeated. "We won't talk about it anymore. We won't accept that our master is a _person_ first, and an authority figure second."

"Thanks," the four men chorused.

"Well, since we're not discussing anything, we should probably head in to train." When she slithered toward the door and no one made a move to follow her, she rolled her eyes. "Or you guys could start training out here while I go talk to Tigress and try to calm her down."

"Thanks," they once again gratefully accepted.

"You know that you're all a big bunch of wimpy babies and I'll never let any of you live this down, right?" she shot back at them as she entered the training hall, and they had the courtesy to look embarrassed. She probably shouldn't get _too_ angry at their hesitance, though; Tigress was _not_ someone people wanted to be around once she got into a bad mood.

She winced as she watched Tigress pulverize one of the seven swinging clubs of instant oblivion with what looked like no effort at all. The tiger master would seem focused on her task to an outside observer, but it was obvious to Viper that she was seething. The tenseness in her shoulders, the sharp edge to her "kya"s, the ferocity with which she dispatched the training hall's equipment, all spoke volumes.

"Hi," Viper greeted, though she didn't have very high hopes of getting a response.

Tigress just kept right on balancing on the spinning snakes and smashing every club that came her way, as if she hadn't heard a thing.

"Are you okay?" she pressed, even though it was a dumb question; clearly her friend was _not_ okay. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm fine," Tigress snapped over her shoulder. "I'm just trying to _concentrate_."

"You're not fine," Viper argued, annoyed that she would blatantly deny her feelings when they were so obvious.

"Well this isn't exactly the time to talk about it, is it?" she shot back.

"When it comes to you, there's _never_ a time to talk about it!" Viper pointed out.

Tigress must have gotten distracted in her agitation, because she only barely managed to dodge one of the swinging clubs. "Fine! You figured out my _terrible secret_. I'll never talk about it, because it's not something worth talking about! Happy?"

"Of course not! How can I be happy when my best friend so clearly _isn't?_"

Tigress nearly got hit by another club, then finally exited the obstacle course to avoid the accident that was clearly waiting to happen. "What do I need to tell you to get you to leave me alone?"

Viper knew Tigress well enough to know that she hadn't meant the question to be insulting, even though it sounded defensive; Tigress was just that clueless when it came to emotional release. "Tell me how you feel," she sighed; she was beginning to see that this confrontation would go nowhere productive.

"I feel _fine_," the leader of the Furious Five growled. "Why shouldn't I feel fine?"

"You seem upset," Viper observed.

"I'm not upset," she protested. "You think I care about Master Shifu and his little honeymoon? Let him go, I hope he has a good time. I wanted some time to polish my leadership skills, anyway." She couldn't have been more transparent if she'd tried.

Viper knew when to call it quits- at least for the time being. Those who retreat today live to fight tomorrow, after all. And she _did_ like the idea of being able to live to fight tomorrow. "Okay," she accepted wearily. "Just... Don't let the things we said get to you. And I promise that if Mantis starts making more lecherous jokes I'll put him in his place."

"Thank you."

"Anyway, we're training outside if you want to join us. When you're ready, of course." She turned to head back out toward the courtyard. Tigress didn't follow her, but she hadn't expected her friend to join them; the temperamental woman just needed some time alone to blow off steam.

Viper could see, though, that destroying training equipment was not all the release that Tigress needed. All her stress, all those worries that she refused to talk about with anyone were building up inside, and eventually the pressure would reach its peak. Eventually, Tigress was going to explode- and while the term was figurative, Viper would much rather be around for a literal explosion. So, like always, she hoped against hope that when the time came, she was at least a safe distance away.

* * *

"So then he's all 'what reason could you possibly have for going to Shanghai?' I know! But since when's he ever listen to _me?_ Anyway, I just couldn't be around him anymore, not after he basically called me useless. I haven't talked to him since. You think I should? Well it's only been, like, _one day_. Yeah, yeah, I know: never test the depth of the water with both feet. But I gotta talk to him _eventually_. I probably won't mess it up. Maybe."

Lin let out a heavy sigh as she ended her rant and fell back to lay in the grass under the peach tree, staring up into its thinning foliage. Then, she closed her eyes and pressed her palms against them in utter frustration. "I'm going insane," she grumbled to herself. "I'm talking to _a tree_." Not that she expected it to answer. Still, it was better than talking to no one. Actually, it _was_ talking to no one.

She opened her eyes to look up into the tree again. "This's worse 'an being a teenager," she informed it. "Okay, _nothing's_ worse 'an that. But this's up there. I got no idea what to do, I don't even know what the _right thing_ to do is, and I _always_ used to know that." She wondered, briefly, if there was any part of Oogway left to hear her; probably not. But it was so easy to forget that when the peach tree, which had likely been imbued with Oogway's energy the moment he planted it, radiated the same peaceful aura the old turtle had. "A sign'd be nice," she sighed as she momentarily closed her eyes in an attempt to pretend the world around her didn't exist; it didn't work. She supposed she was only hurting herself, anyway, by over-thinking everything. So, she stood up to head down to her room. However, something near the peach tree sapling caught her eye. There amongst the fallen leaves, fresh and smooth as if it had only just come off a tree, was a peach petal. "Hello, sign."

She crouched down to take a closer look at the sapling, which she had never paid much attention to before. She'd always assumed that the little tree had grown from a peach that had fallen from its predecessor and somehow gone unnoticed while it rotted away and left behind a pit, but upon closer inspection there was something off about the plant. For one thing, it didn't have the same calm energy as the centuries-old peach tree; instead it had an air of distress about it, if it were even possible for a plant to be distressed. For another, despite the fact that it was a direct descendent of the peach tree, the sapling _looked_ different; it seemed kind of squat, even for a sapling, and its leaves looked too big for its branches.

"What the hell?" she mused as she tried to figure out the conundrum, and why the universe would drop a peach petal right in front of the odd little plant. What did it mean?

"What is wrong, you have never seen a sapling before?" a familiar sarcastic voice spoke up behind her.

"Well, I've definitely seen more saplings 'an you've seen vaginas," she shot back, frowning at Shifu and his big ears over her shoulder. Then she glanced back at the sapling- and back to Shifu. "Where'd this thing come from, anyway?"

He glared at her, probably offended by her comment about his lack of a sex life. "I planted it. Why?"

She should have known. "That explains a lot."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" he huffed.

"Nothing," she grunted as she grabbed the peach petal and straightened up to hand it over to him. "Here, this's for you."

"A peach petal?" he asked skeptically, examining the thing as if it might explode. "Where did this even come from?"

"That's a good question." She just wished she had an answer. "So what'd you want?"

"And what makes you think I want something from you?" he huffed.

"Well, we meet like this so often, I can't help but think you come up here looking for me." She could only hope that he had decided to apologize for his attitude, but somehow she got the feeling that she shouldn't hold her breath.

"I was simply wondering why we have not left for Shanghai yet." Of course he wasn't about to apologize- why would he?

"'Cause you're a gigantic, wrinkly ball sack," she informed him politely, then headed down the steps toward the barracks.

"And _you_ are an irritating little ball of fuzz," he shot back, following her.

"You can probably do better 'an that," she sighed, feigning disappointment in his insult. "You sure did the other night."

"Why must you always be so difficult?" he growled. "I do not even know how I insulted you! And, _predictably_, you will not tell me!"

"Just another example of my uselessness," she retorted sarcastically.

Shifu, as per usual, completely missed her point. "You have certainly got _that_ right!"

"Y'know what?" she snapped, fed up. "You think I can't do a damn thing? Whatever. I'm done fighting. Forget it. I'm finishing up at Bao Gu this afternoon, we'll leave tomorrow at dawn. Think you can handle that without throwing a tantrum?"

"Do not even start with me," he growled.

"Okay, seeya tomorrow." She turned and veered off the path before he could go off about her lack of kung fu skill or her attitude or her sex life. She was done listening to him berate her for every little difference between them. She knew he'd been under a lot of pressure, of course, but that was no reason to take out all his stress on her. Why couldn't he act like a normal person and scream into a pillow, pick up a crippling addiction, learn how to meditate properly, or at the very least learn how to operate a gun and shoot inanimate objects? She'd been as understanding as possible of his emotional limitations thus far, but if he kept up with his condescending attitude she didn't think she'd be able to make it to Shanghai without strangling him (and not in the erotic sense).

At least she could assume he hadn't told his students about the nature of the visit, since all hell hadn't broken loose. And while she was certain spending over a month of quality time with Shifu would be a waking nightmare, at least she wouldn't have to deal with the Furious Five- particularly Tigress. She'd met very few women in her lifetime who didn't have some daddy issues, but the kung fu warrior took it to a whole different level. She couldn't say she blamed the woman- after all, growing up in a culture of filial piety with a father doubling as a teacher would screw with anyone's head. But, as with Shifu himself, she didn't understand why she was a target of such ire. Well, there was the whole thing with her being obnoxious, but Tigress's reaction still seemed too out of proportion for it to be _just_ that. Then again, she supposed if people she'd slept with could want to kill her, then it didn't seem like much of a stretch for the daughter of someone she wanted to sleep with to want to kick her ass.

Lin paused to wonder if maybe the reason for Tigress's hostility had something to do with Shifu. The young woman could feel threatened by competition for her father's attention or, more likely, she could have picked up Shifu's protective streak and, sensing Lin's intentions (for they were, admittedly, painfully obvious), had assumed that Lin would only end up hurting Shifu. If the latter turned out to be the case, then unfortunately Lin couldn't exactly prove that she would never hurt Shifu- especially considering that she already _had_, what with leaving him and all. But people hurt each other all the time, no matter how much they cared for each other or how good their intentions were- that was just a part of relationships in general. So she couldn't even argue that she _wouldn't_ ever hurt Shifu, because the only way she wouldn't would be if she croaked before she got the chance. And even then, assuming they _were_ in a relationship at that point, her death would hurt him, thereby cementing the fact that in pursuing a relationship with her (if he ever got off his paranoid butt and _did anything_) he would inevitably get hurt.

So in the simplest terms possible: she was screwed.

She supposed it couldn't hurt to try to talk to Tigress again. Well, actually, it _could_ hurt if the kung fu master's temper flared up a little too much. But she knew that wasn't likely. Even if it was, it wouldn't be her first time getting her ass kicked, so she may as well take a chance.

She glanced nervously up at the training hall as she waffled back and forth, stuck in her indecision. No one confused her and put her on edge quite like Tigress, though she supposed that much was to be expected. It was bound to be awkward, trying to navigate interactions with Shifu's daughter. Lin only wished that she could have some kind of instructions for how to deal with irritable kung fu masters; unfortunately, she would have to deal with those interactions on her own.

She forced herself to walk up to the training hall before she had a chance to second guess herself and chicken out. She also reminded herself that confidence was half the battle, though that didn't guarantee she wouldn't be flayed alive. "It's a good day to die," she grumbled to herself as she approached the doors to the training hall, then paused to take a deep breath before letting herself in- and promptly ducking just in time to avoid Po as he was thrown directly at her.

He flew over her head and through the doorway to land with a single bounce in the courtyard, then groaned out a weak, "I'm okay," with his face still embedded in the stone.

"Shake it off, panda," she called out over her shoulder, then turned around to see what had propelled him to begin with.

Of course, Tigress stood right there, her arms crossed and her stern gaze fixed on the doorway. "Po, grounding yourself and cultivating your chi is about more than just stomping your feet on the floor. Didn't Master Shifu have this discussion with you?"

"Guess he didn't get through to me," the bear replied as he slowly managed to extract himself from the ground.

"Hmph," was all Tigress had to say in return.

Lin eyed the clearly busy master, then the other members of the Furious Five, all practicing on the various parts of the obstacle course (she found Viper's mastery of that fire-spitting floor particularly impressive). "Maybe this's a bad time," she observed.

"Naw, it's fine," Po dismissed as he rejoined them in the training hall, contorting his face into different expressions in order to presumably reduce the soreness.

Tigress didn't exactly look like she agreed.

"Okay," Lin accepted, since she had never been one to ignore a window of opportunity. "In that case, I gotta talk to Tigress." She tried to ignored the horrified looks that crossed everyone's faces as they simultaneously stopped in their training to unabashedly stare at her. "_Privately_," she added for good measure.

"Can it wait?" Tigress asked, an annoyed frown tugging at her lips.

"Probably," Lin admitted. "But I'll be leaving for Shanghai tomorrow and I'd rather do this now."

The kung fu master still didn't look receptive to the request.

"Please," Lin added in the hope that it would make a difference.

She glared for another split second, then surprisingly enough, gave a curt nod. "Alright," she agreed, heading for the doors. "But I don't have much time."

"I'll take it." She followed Tigress out past the courtyard and down the stairs to the path that wound around the grounds, mainly for the sake of having a little privacy.

"Well, go on then," Tigress prompted, a little harshly. "What is it? Something about Master Shifu? About me? Or did you just want to make lewd jokes about your trip to Shanghai with Shifu? Because Mantis has already made sure that I've heard it all."

Lin held back her opinion that Mantis was her new favorite of all of Shifu's students, mainly for her own safety. "Actually, I wanted to talk about... Us." She winced, waiting for a punch to the face; luckily, it didn't come.

For a moment, Tigress just stared at her, mouth slightly open. Then she snapped her mouth shut and cleared her throat, her eyebrows knotting together in her confusion. "...You want to talk about _us?_"

"Yeah, I get it," she sighed. "I agree that it's not exactly characteristic of me. But believe it or not, I actually care how you feel about me."

"Assuming I _do_ believe you... What exactly did you want to tell me?"

Lin had to admit, she hadn't expected the younger woman to give her a chance, but she was grateful for the opportunity. "Y'see, it's gonna be a while until we see each other again, and... I just wanna apologize for offending you and getting off on the wrong foot... And stuff."

Tigress stared down at her as if she'd grown a second head.

"Yeah, I know," she agreed. "Sure, you might hate me forever and ever, which is kinda scary to be honest. But you might not- and I'll never know that if I don't play nice. And if I gotta, I will bombard you with olive branches for the rest of my life. I know that sounded violent, but I swear it's not."

"But why?" Tigress finally asked, clearly perplexed.

"Well, I mean..." She paused to clear her throat. "This's gonna sound weird, especially if Shifu ain't toldya about it yet, but he and I used to... We used to have a thing. And I can't help but think that... That if I'd stuck around I mighta seenya grow up and all." She took a step back as Tigress's expression darkened and she realized she had said probably the worst thing possible.

"In my lifetime, I have faced thieves, bandits, marauders, assassins, traitors, rebels, and murderers," she spat out, "and yet _you_ are by far the most manipulative person I have ever had the misfortune of crossing paths with."

"Really?" Lin couldn't help but think the accusation was going a little overboard. "But I wasn't trying to be manipulative or anything. I just- it matters to me, to have a good relationship with you. Or at the very least a _civil_ one. I know I'm not the nicest person around, or the most congenial, but I'm doing my best."

"Why?" Tigress suddenly asked.

"Huh?"

"_Why_ do you care about your relationship with me?" she pressed. "What does it matter?"

"You're Shifu's daughter, that's why it matters." Lin was starting to think Tigress was as dense as her father, if she didn't see what was going on.

"I suppose you haven't noticed yet," she grumbled, "but that doesn't exactly count for much."

Lin knew the comment had something to do with whatever Shifu had done to screw up his relationship with Tigress, and she was starting to get a good idea of what that was- mainly, she suspected, he'd been an ass to her just like he was an ass to everyone else. He clearly treated her like her opinion didn't matter (what a shocker) and to be honest Lin hadn't seen him pay any kind of personal attention to her at all. Whenever he had anything to say to the woman, it always had something to do with kung fu. "Look, I know how Shifu can be, but he _does_ care. It's just... Well, don't take offense to this, but he's a gigantic dumb-shit, as I'm sure you've noticed by now."

Tigress glared at her, but didn't argue against her point; maybe she'd gotten through to the stubborn kung fu master. "Assuming Shifu _does_ care about my relationship with you," she huffed, "why do _you_ care?" Talk about tricky questions.

"You're his daughter," Lin pointed out, hoping that would suffice.

"So?" Apparently it didn't.

"So..." Lin glanced around to make sure no one else was in sight. "So he's my friend."

"_Just _your friend?" she pressed.

"I dunno," Lin blurted out. "I mean, yeah, I guess," she amended, though she knew she'd already dug herself into a hole so deep it hit the earth's core.

"You _guess?_" Tigress didn't sound too happy about her wording, either.

"I didn't mean that how it sounded," she argued, though she could see by the anger in Tigress's face that she was going to have to explain to avoid getting the snot beat out of her by an overprotective daughter. "Look, I love the jackass, okay?"

The anger in the tiger's face was instantly replaced by wide-eyed shock. "_What?_"

"You're probably the last person in the world who wanted to hear it, but it's true," she sighed. "I've loved him since the first time we ever met, and he had a sourpuss on 'cause he thought I smelled awful. And before you say anything, I'm aware of how messed up that is."

"Don't tell me that's the entire reason you're here." Tigress sounded extremely disbelieving, though Lin didn't blame her.

"Sorry."

"You must be joking!" she scoffed. "You- _you_- and Shifu- and _you_-"

"I just blew your mind, didn't I?" Lin observed, though she wasn't offended. After all, most people would have trouble believing such a thing was possible. In the eyes of most people, she was nothing more than a homeless old hag, and Shifu was the Grand Master of kung fu, eclipsed in power and prestige only by the Emperor himself. "Back when I was a young girl, I came here looking for a job. And Oogway, in his infinite wisdom, let me become the cook here. And somehow, that resulted in some sappy crap that involved me and Shifu falling in love. Except, he got over me, and I didn't exactly get over him. So now... I dunno. I guess I'm trying to win him back. Really, I just wanna be near him again, y'know?"

Tigress stared at her as if she had sprouted wings and flown directly into the sun.

"I guess you don't know."

"If this really is a joke," she finally said, "I will _not _be amused."

"Don't worry, it's not."

"And why are you telling me all this?" Tigress pressed, a concern frown tugging at the corners of her mouth. "What do you want?"

"That's a good call, thinking I want something," Lin complimented; the woman was more observant than she'd given her credit for. "This's entirely up to you and all, but I was hoping that after Shifu and I get back from Shanghai... That you and me could maybe start over. If you're okay with it."

"So let me get this straight," Tigress started slowly, the irritation in her tone of voice growing with every word. "You think that you can just _ask me_ to pretend that you aren't a disrespectful harpy of a woman, and I'll do it because you _apparently_ are in love with Master Shifu?"

"Please?" Lin added hopefully.

"Get out of my sight," she snapped, a dangerous glint in her fiery eyes. "Right now, before I do something I might regret."

"I'll giveya some time to think about it," Lin rushed out, then took Tigress's helpful suggestion and ran for it. As much as she'd have liked to convince the woman it was worthwhile to give her another chance, she couldn't exactly do that if she got eviscerated.

Once she got to the barracks, she made her way to the kitchen and sat down at the table, even though she wasn't hungry. It was just a nice place to sit and think, in her opinion. And while thinking was something she tended to do too much of, if at all, she figured it was as good a time as any. After all, Shifu was being a huge ass to her- more of an ass than she'd been expecting, which was an accomplishment- and his daughter would probably like her a lot better as a smear on the ground. His other students weren't exactly her friends, either, though they didn't seem bothered by her the way Tigress was. In fact, the only person in the valley who'd shown her any friendship at all was Po, a panda she barely knew.

That wasn't true. Shifu had given her a place to live, and stood up for her to his students. He'd even given her a job (despite the fact that he had yet to give her any assignments). And they'd had their moments, when they'd talked and he hadn't said anything horribly dick-like. Yet she couldn't help but feel as if something were missing... Like he would rather she wasn't around. Like no matter what he said to the contrary, he would be happier if she left.

"Give it 'til Shanghai, old girl," she muttered to herself, even though it was probably hugely neurotic to do so, then got up to make herself a pot of tea; she needed it.

* * *

The Hall of Warriors stood silent as always, a place of quiet dignity to house the artifacts of great kung fu masters. For many of the masters, the paintings of their heroic deeds and the weapons they had once used on the battlefield were all that remained. They were gone, and the only evidence that they had ever existed sat in a silent, lonely museum.

And for the first time, Shifu thought that they deserved better. "I am sorry, Master," he muttered, staring up at the painting of Oogway performing his morning tai chi underneath the peach tree. "I wish I could give you more than a painting on a wall." He wondered if his master could hear him, wherever the tortoise was. Probably not.

He wished he could still talk to Oogway and hear an answer back, no matter how frustratingly vague. Advice would have been wonderful right about then, but even so, he didn't care what his master had to say. He only wanted to hear that calm, wise voice again. Just one more time.

"What am I going to do?" he asked quietly, even though he knew no one could hear it. The question had been on his mind since he'd woken up that morning, long before sunrise, to prepare for the long journey to Shanghai. He'd been unable to shake the unmistakable feeling of dread since the night before, and somehow it had culminated in that one horrible question. He did not know what he was going to do about Tai Lung, about Lin, about Chen, about Po and Tigress and the Five... He was, for lack of a better word, lost. And, for the first time in his entire life, he had no one to look to for direction, or even for comfort. _He_ was the one everybody was looking to now, and he was choking under the pressure. It reminded him of his first tournament, when he had frozen up with the cheering crowd watching him, expectant. Now the ones watching him, waiting for his next move, were the people he cared about. And that did nothing to help his nerves.

With a defeated sigh, he punched his fist into his palm and bowed to the small shrine. "If you are still here in any way, Master, _please_ watch over my students while I am gone. Especially Po." He didn't exactly believe Oogway would have the power to do anything, but it was worth a shot.

His business done with and the sky beginning to lighten, Shifu left the hall and headed out to the front doors of the Jade Palace, where he was to meet Lin and begin their trip to Shanghai. He could already see from across the theater that she was ready to go with all of their supplies, tapping one foot impatiently as she waited for him. She had a grumpy expression on her face, and was undoubtedly still angry at him. He could already tell as he approached her that the next few weeks would be anything but pleasant.

Lin glared at him the moment he got near her, though he honestly had no idea what had prompted her ire. "It's barely been _five seconds_ and you're already holding me up," she accused.

"What?" he asked incredulously; he'd bid his students farewell the night before so he would have time to show up to meet her at the gate _early_, and he'd even packed extra rations and a blanket for the colder weather.

"Lookit your clothes," she pointed out flatly.

He didn't see what was wrong with his clothing. "This is what I always wear!"

"_Exactly_," she groaned. "You're not even gonna _try_ to disguise yourself? Not that I don't think you can handle a few bandits along the way, but just 'cause you can defend yourself doesn't mean you should walk around with a target painted on your back."

"My clothing is not that recognizable," he huffed. "It is made of _burlap_, for heavens' sake-"

"And what's this?" she accused, her hand darting out to grab hold of the cuff of his sleeve, then wave it at him. "It's embroidered with _silver and gold_," she answered herself. "Anyone with so much as a week's experience on the road'll spot that from the next province over. Go change, or I'm sending a message ahead to tell Chen to _kick your ass_."

"You do not need to be so abrasive about it," he pointed out, disgruntled at her attitude. "You are treating me like dead weight when if anyone should be staying behind, it is you!"

"I'm the one Chen contacted!" she shot back. "He didn't even wantya _knowing_ about this!"

"And _I_ am Tai Lung's father!" he snapped, and that did the job of quieting her arguments.

Her mouth became a tightly set straight line, an expression that was rare for her. "_Please_," she ground out quietly, as if the word caused her physical pain, "go put on something more... Peasant-like."

Despite his desire to stand up to her, the last thing he wanted was for her to be proven right during their travels; he would never hear the end of it. "Since you asked _nicely_," he shot back, because he knew it would annoy her. "I will only be a moment."

"Try to pull the stick outta your ass while you're at it," she shot at his retreating back, and somehow he managed to grit his teeth and ignore her.

He _did_, however, fume the entire time he was changing his clothes about Lin's unreasonable attitude. She acted as though he had no idea what he was doing, when he had traveled across China and back his fair share of times. He'd fought at the northern border _and_ the western border, he'd faced bandits and assassins of every possible skill level, _he'd wielded the Sword of Heroes_, for crying out loud! He may be no spring chicken, but he could certainly handle a trip to Shanghai!

At the height of his fuming, he paused outside of the kitchen, the scent of rice porridge and fresh vegetables catching his attention. For a split second, he thought that Lin had returned to the barracks and started cooking, before he remembered that Po usually took on that particular responsibility. He peered into the room, surprised to see his student up before the gong; then again, Tigress was officially in charge as of that morning, and she had a knack for keeping the panda on his toes. "Good morning, Po."

"Bwah!" Po shouted, dropping the handful of chopped carrots he'd been about to put into the rice porridge in his surprise. "Master Shifu! I thought you were gone already."

"Oh?" he asked, taking on an accusing tone.

"Not that I want ya gone!" the panda amended, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "It's just that I didn't expect to hear your voice, so it, uh... Scared me. Not that ya scare me! I mean, you're my master, why would ya scare me? Not when you're in a good mood, anyway. Please say somethin', I'm startin' to feel kinda stupid."

"Relax, Po," Shifu sighed, shaking his head at the ridiculous rant. "I simply needed a change of clothing."

"Ah, okay," he accepted, visibly relaxing at the information. "It, uh, looks nice."

"No, it does not," Shifu argued as he glanced down at the simple brown burlap outfit he had put on to appease Lin; while it was very reminiscent of his normal clothing, this particular set was one that he'd had leftover from back before he'd even been named Master of the Jade Palace. He was a little proud of himself for being able to fit into the clothing at all, but it was still uncomfortably tight, and the sleeves felt a little too short. "But, that is the point."

"I'm sure Lin'll like it," Po commented, then immediately looked as though he regretted it.

He narrowed his eyes at his student, well aware of how much time the panda had been spending with Lin, lately. "What do you mean by that?"

"N-nothin'," Po stuttered, then began to chop scallions in a noticeable bid to avoid eye contact. "Just that, y'know how you guys are."

"No, I do not," Shifu replied, feigning calmness. "Please, enlighten me as to how 'us guys' are."

"Buh- uh-" The panda continued to fumble his words, clearly nervous about saying the wrong thing. "Well, you're like- uhm- and the two of ya- ah- well _y'know_."

"I know _what?_" he insisted.

"Just... _Y'know_," Po again reiterated, raising his eyebrows for emphasis.

After a moment of confused silence, Shifu finally caught on to what his student meant. "No!" he protested the moment it dawned on him. "No, _you do not know!_ And neither do I! _No one_ knows, do you understand?"

"Right, ya don't want anyone to know."

"No! That is _not_ what I meant!" The last thing he needed was his students gossiping about him and Lin while he was gone. "There is _nothing_ going on between myself and Lin," he clarified. "We are just two old friends, and _nothing more_."

"I understand," Po accepted skeptically, then glanced around before lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "But just between you an' me, this trip... Does it mean you guys're gettin' serious?"

"When you are done with breakfast," he snapped, "you had better get started with your fifty laps up and down the thousand steps."

"But I don't-" the panda paused when he caught sight of the glare Shifu shot at him. "Aw, _man_."

"Have fun. And don't do anything stupid while I am gone." With that, Shifu turned to leave, relieved to be done with the conversation.

Honestly, his student had some nerve, making assumptions about his relationship with Lin. Just because he had allowed her to move into the Jade Palace, she constantly hit on him, and they were taking a long trip together... Alright, so it looked bad. But there was no need to come up with wild ideas about him and Lin... _Doing things_ together. He didn't even need to _think_ about it to blush in embarrassment. He could only imagine the kinds of conclusions his students might have come to after hearing some of the vulgar things Lin had said to him in the past month. Clearly a _talk_ was in order once he returned from Shanghai.

"May we go now?" he huffed as he returned to the front gate and an impatiently waiting Lin.

"I don't see why you need to ask me," she replied coldly. "It's not like _I'm_ of any use."

He rolled his eyes at her; she'd been giving him attitude ever since she'd first told him of Tai Lung's presence in Shanghai. He supposed he'd offended her in suggesting that there was really no reason for her to go or for Chen to have contacted _her_ of all people. He didn't see what was so offensive about pointing out _the truth_, though. "You are really starting to get on my nerves."

"Just another item on the long list of my obvious flaws," she replied sarcastically.

"That is _it!_" He was not about to deal with her bad attitude for their entire trip. "You are _unbelievable!_ All I did was point out that you have absolutely _nothing_ to do with Tai Lung anymore, and you have _never_ had anything to do with kung fu, so it makes absolutely no sense for you to be in Shanghai!"

"Oh, is _that_ all?" She started heading down the thousand steps toward the village, her squared shoulders a clear indication of her agitation.

"What do you want me to say?" he insisted as he followed after her. "Do you want me to say that I could not possibly do any of this without you? Because we both know that is not true. You haven't seen Tai Lung in over three decades!"

"Try months," she corrected over her shoulder. "Give or take a coupla weeks."

He stopped in his tracks at that assertion. "_What?_" He assumed she was just lying, or making some sort of insensitive joke.

"Oh, I didn't tellya about that?" she went on, taking on a false cheerfulness. "I made him some potatoes, we chatted for a bit. No big deal."

"You made him _potatoes?_" He was starting to think she might actually be telling the truth. "When?"

"When he first broke outta Chor Ghom, I guess."

He finally started to walk again, and caught up to her fairly quickly. "You're lying."

"Glad to hear thatya trust me." She paused to shoot him a cold look. "At least you didn't try to choke me like Tai Lung did."

"Oh, gods, you're not lying." It took him considerable effort not to trip and fall down the stairs as the truth sunk in- and the anger. "_Why would you not tell me this?_"

"Whaddaya mean?" she shot back. "I just toldya, didn't I?"

"What did you say to him?" Shifu pressed. "What did _he_ say to you?"

"He didn't seem too happy to see me," she admitted. "But I managed to talk him outta killing me or beating me senseless, so that helped out a lot."

"I cannot believe you!" He grabbed her by the arm to get her to stop walking and look him in the face. "You were with Tai Lung before he came here to the Valley, and what did you do? _You fed him!_ And then you just let him come here and-"

"I _let_ him?" she interrupted. "So when you don't want me around I'm useless, but when you're mad at me for stepping aside, suddenly I'm capable of stopping one of the most powerful kung fu warriors in the damn world?"

"You have guns, don't you?"

"That woulda killed him!" she argued.

"He would have killed me, if it were not for Po!" he shot back.

"Well I didn't think he'd actually try to killya!"

"That is because _you left_," he pointed out. "You were _gone_, for over three decades! Tai Lung is not a child anymore, he is a grown and _dangerous_ man!"

"Is that what this's about?" she suddenly asked.

"What?"

"You being angry at me, all of the time, for next to no reason. Okay, sometimes you got a reason, but most of the time I'm just left wondering what the hell's wrong withya. So is that what it's about? You still resent me for leaving?"

"Why would I still be angry about that?" he snapped. "It was _years_ ago!"

"Yet you still brought it up in the middle of a fight!"

He wasn't sure what stung more about her accusation: the fact that she was right or the fact that she had called him out on it. "Well not everyone has as easy a time forgetting the past as you do."

"Sorry I didn't stick around to feedya and raise your kids!" she spat out sarcastically. "What'd you think, that you were gonna somehow 'tame' me and I'd realize the error of my independent ways and settle down forya?"

"You said you loved me!" he shot back. "I expected you to act like it and _not_ leave me! I expected you to show some _commitment!_"

"I did!" she shouted directly in his face. "I showed commitment to my craft, to my _ideals!_ I love art like you love kung fu, so don't you _dare_ pretend you wouldn'ta chosen kung fu over me if you'd had to!"

He glared at her for her argument. "I would have never_ had_ to choose, and neither did you," he pointed out. "You did not leave because you needed to, you left because you _wanted_ to. So don't _you_ dare pretend otherwise."

"I shoulda known," she dismissed. "You don't get it, so why should I bother arguing?"

He was not about to let her get away with ending their fight like that; if this was yet another thing she didn't want to tell him, then too bad. "If I do not get it, then what is so difficult about _explaining it to me?_"

"'Cause no matter how hard I try, you refuse to put in the same effort!" she burst out. "It never even seems to occur to you that I'm trying in the first place! And this ain't just with talking to you, it's with _everything!_ Sometimes I wonder if you even _care!_"

"I _do_ care!"

"Then why can't you understand a single damn thing that comes outta my mouth?"

"Try me!" he insisted. "Try to explain to me!"

"Alright, I will," she accepted, though she still sounded skeptical. "You think if I'd stayed here, I coulda spoken out against the caste system in India, or the Spanish Inquisition, or the hypocrisy of the Catholic church in Rome? You think I'd even have any _idea_ what was going on in the rest of the world?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" he argued. "You could have done plenty right here in China!"

"For how long?" she shot back. "Yeah, I wasn't a big concern when I left, that much is true. But it's treason to speak out against the Emperor or the empire in general, and punishable by death. How long d'you think it woulda been before I became enough of a nuisance to warrant Imperial soldiers traveling to the Valley? And then what? Even if you and Oogway kept me safe, I'd be _trapped_."

"So that is why you left?" he asked incredulously. "Because you felt like I _trapped_ you?"

"See, _this's _what I'm talking about!" she growled. "I never said that! Look, I _needed_ to be able to travel, alright? And don't you dare say I didn't, 'cause you clearly don't know me well enough to make that assertion! I toldya back then that I couldn'ta been happy spending my whole life here, and that was true. I was still just a kid, and I needed to experience life. And I knew I wouldn't be able to do that from your kitchen. I mean, look at it from your vantage point: what if you coulda been with me, but in order to do it _you_ could never leave the valley again? You could never go out to help anyone beyond that stupid bridge, you probably wouldn't even be able to write a letter! Don't you think, if you'd ended up choosing me, you woulda died a little bit inside every day, knowing what you'd had to give up? So yeah, I _am_ saying I felt trapped, but I never blamed _you_ for that. I know you woulda wanted me to be happy, but that's just not the way things were."

He glared at her a moment, angry that she'd guilted him. "How did this fight even get started?" he grumbled.

"You were a dick to me," she replied without hesitation.

"I think you are just a little bit biased." He rubbed at his temple; throbbing headaches seemed to be a given whenever Lin was involved. "And perhaps I would be more inclined to not 'be a dick' if you were even _slightly_ agreeable."

"This's as nice as I get," she snapped. "So quit trying to change the subject."

"I do not know what else to tell you! Clearly neither of us are about to budge. I am not going to change the way I feel simply because you told me you were unhappy. And you cannot show up out of nowhere after three decades and not expect a few complications."

She turned away from him again, and if he didn't know any better he'd say he saw some actual emotion in her expression. "I know," she grumbled. "I knew this'd be complicated. I knew it'd be confusing. And... I knew you wouldn't-" She stopped short there, then continued to walk down the steps.

"I wouldn't what?" He expected some sort of awful insult, and part of him wanted to hear it just so he could give back as good as he got.

"Ah, shit," she cursed. "Forget it."

He followed after her, of course; he wasn't about to let her get away with holding back after everything they'd just shouted at each other. "What is it?"

"I said _forget it_," she ground out.

"And _I _asked you to _tell me_," he returned, stepping in front of her to block her path. "You know I am faster than you. I can keep you here all day if need be."

She still tried to step around him, but he easily blocked her, even when she tugged painfully on his beard.

"What wouldn't I do?" he asked again.

"You're a dicktip, y'know that?"

He refused to budge, and she gave in much more easily than he would have expected.

"I knew you wouldn't care," she admitted quietly. "I knew it wouldn'ta mattered to you, whether or not you ever saw me again."

He stared at her, struck speechless. Not only was he stunned that she cared at all how he felt, but that in suggesting seeing her again wouldn't have matter to him, she was essentially saying that seeing _him_ again _did _matter to her. Not only that, but she had a point; thanks to Po, he had begun to finally let go of all his anger and disappointment and attempt to live life again. And as slow as the process was, and as terrifying as stepping in as the Grand Master of kung fu was, and as much as he still missed his master and his son both, he'd felt for the first time in many years that he had started down a path to true happiness. And not once had he ever pictured Lin with him, not once had he wished she were there. "A-are you saying," he managed to stutter out once he worked up enough saliva to speak again, "that you came back here just to see me?"

"What the hell else is here for me?" she spat, though whether she was angry at having to admit it or angry at him for not feeling the same way, he couldn't tell.

Although, his main concern was trying to keep the slack-jawed expression of utter shock off his face; unfortunately, he failed at it.

She reached out, and for a split second he thought it might be in a gesture of tenderness. When she gave his shoulder a push, he realized he probably should have known better. "Get outta my way, already!"

He stayed right where he was. "_Why?_"

"'Cause I wanna walk!"

"No, I mean _why me?_ Why did you come back to see _me?_"

"Lotsa reasons," she answered vaguely. "Now ain't the time to get into 'em."

"Why not?"

"'Cause if I tellya, it'll make the next coupla weeks really freakin' awkward."

He paused, wondering for the first time if he really _wanted_ to know, especially with their journey still ahead of them. However, he couldn't keep his curiosity in check; what were these mysterious reasons that would make their journey so awkward? Did she need something from him that she hadn't mentioned yet? Did she need his help? "You're sure that telling me now would make our trip to Shanghai that much more unbearable?"

"Oh yeah," she confirmed. "Horrific."

In spite of himself, he believed her. "Alright," he grudgingly accepted. "But once we reach Shanghai, you are telling me."

"Maybe." It was as close to a deal as she was going to give him, so he didn't argue. "But for once, _I_ got a stupid question for _you_."

"And you really think that you can ask me whatever you wish, when you refuse to tell me even the most basic information?"

"Yeah," she answered with a shrug.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, mainly because he knew he would let her have her way. "Go on, then."

"Did you miss me?" Her question caught him significantly off-guard, though.

"Yes!" He didn't see how she could believe otherwise, when she herself had pointed out his lingering resentment toward her for leaving China. "Why would I not miss you?"

"I guess what I meant was... Did it wear off, eventually?"

"Well... Yes. I suppose so." He couldn't help but feel guilty, having to admit it, even though he knew he shouldn't. "I, uhm... I thought I would never see you again. So I tried not to dwell on it. I mean, there were still times when I thought fondly of you."

"Relax, you're not on trial here," she sighed. "I just wanted to know. And anyway, you're still a huge dicktip."

"Of course," he grumbled. "I am always the one at fault."

"Not to mention you're always the one who refuses to apologize," she added.

He was starting to think that this fight would never end. "And what, precisely, do I even need to apologize for?"

She looked at him as if he had grown another head. "For treating me like I don't matter!" she answered, sounding scandalized.

"Lin," he growled, trying to keep his tone level, "you cannot get so offended every single time I point out that you _know nothing about kung fu_."

"Just 'cause I don't know kung fu, doesn't make me some useless old lump!" she snapped. "And even ifya don't think I belong there, the least you can do is try to act likeya want me around in general!" She shoved her hand into her bag and rummaged around for a bit before yanking out her calabash pipe.

"_Must_ you smoke that stinky old thing?"

"At least this stinky old thing has a use for me," she shot back as she stuffed the thing full of tobacco. "And b'sides, it's the only thing keeping me from wringing _your_ stinky old neck." She managed to light the pipe with only a single strike of her knife and flint, a skill apparently born out of practice.

"...You will be very good at starting fires," he admitted, mainly because he was sick and tired of fighting with her.

"Oh, stop," she replied sarcastically, "your flattery's embarrassing me." Then, like the rude old hag that she was, she blew smoke in his face.

He coughed, trying to wave the stuff away from his nose; it was much stronger than her usual tobacco, and rather than the fragrant, spicy scent her smoke usually carried this blend was heavy with the scent of rich earth and dark wood. "I am not going to apologize when I did nothing wrong!" he managed to wheeze out. "I meant it when I said that Chen should have contacted _me_ about Tai Lung! He is _my_ son and _I thought he was dead!_ And no matter what is to be done with him, _I_ have a right to be involved! And you- _you_ gave up any such right when you left him behind, and left _me_ to pick up the pieces!"

She glared at him, but didn't protest the points that he'd made. Then, shockingly, she conceded. "You're right."

"Of course I- wait- I am?" he sputtered, caught off-guard.

"Yeah, but don't get used to it," she muttered. "Anyway... Even though what you said is true, it's not my fault Chen wrote to me. And seeing as I worked up the nerve to tellya about it, you got no right to hold that against me." Unfortunately, she had a point.

"...Alright," he accepted.

"And I can still help, if you'll just calm yourself and gimme a chance. I _wanna_ help."

"Alright." He paused, waiting for her to explode again, but nothing happened. "Does this mean the fight is over?" he asked hesitantly.

"I guess so," she confirmed. "For now, anyway." As terrible as it was, she was right. Then, after another awkward pause, she offered her pipe to him in an apparent show of good will. "Want some?"

"I will pass," he turned down, wrinkling his nose at the mere thought.

She laughed at his expression, though he didn't see what was so amusing about it.

"I ran into Po on my way to change clothes, by the way," he informed her in an attempt to use the story of the panda's ludicrous suggestion as his own peace offering. "You will not believe what he said to me,"

"That reminds me, turn around for me," she replied, motioning for him to spin around like a little girl showing off a new outfit.

With a long-suffering sigh, he gave in and did as she asked for the sake of expedience. "He actually had the nerve to suggest to _me_, his _master_, that there is something... _Untoward_ going on between you and me."

She suddenly gave his rear-end a resounding slap, and he jumped in his surprise, his fur frizzing. "Mama likes what she sees." Apparently her mood had improved, not that it was any better for _him_.

"_Mama_ will keep her hands to herself," he snapped, "or she will find herself divorced of them. Understood?"

"Y'know, sometimes it's pathetic, how obviously you want me," she commented off-hand before ignoring his angry expression and finally continuing down the steps; they really should have at least made it to the village by then, but he couldn't say he'd expected any different.

"That is funny, I could have sworn I _just told you the exact opposite of that_." If she was going to behave so childishly through their whole trip to Shanghai, he might arrive in the city bald from tearing his own fur out.

"Then why'd you put on that tight little number to show off your apple-bottom for me?" she shot back.

"This was all I had!"

"Sure it was."

"That is it," he grumbled. "I'm going back to change again."

"Aw, c'mon!" she argued, then grabbed his sleeve to stop him from stomping back up the steps and to the barracks. "We finally stop fighting for _two seconds_ and now you're getting all uppity! When're you gonna lighten up? B'sides, aren'tya even a _little_ flattered? I mean, after all these years, you still got it."

He paused at that assertion; as much as he knew that Lin rarely ever meant a single word that came out of her mouth, he actually _did_ feel a little flattered. Perhaps he'd become naive in his old age. "...I suppose I could deal with these clothes, for now."

She smiled at him, then held out her hand, wiggling her fingers in invitation.

Begrudgingly, he took hold of her hand, even as he wondered what on earth was wrong with him. "Make _one joke_ and I will destroy you," he threatened.

"Deal," she accepted.

He had to admit, it wasn't so bad walking along with her, hand in hand. He'd certainly thought of doing just that back when they'd had their little tryst, though Lin's aversion to physical contact had mostly ruined that particular dream. She certainly hadn't held onto that aversion, though. Thankfully.

"...Y'know, the hairy palms always make me wonder where your hands've been."

And, just like that, the moment was ruined.

"Do not talk to me!" he growled, yanking his hand away from hers.

"Why not?'

"Because I'd prefer for both of us to get to Shanghai in one piece. And if you talk to me, that will not happen." He didn't know if he'd be able to handle another two weeks on the road with her. He'd faced untold horrors in his lifetime, and none of them had even been half as bad as Lin. All he could do was hope that he didn't die of an aneurysm.

"But if I don't talk to you, how'm I supposed hit onya?"

He had a feeling his hope was in vain.

* * *

A/N: First up: the chapter title is a quote from Confucius, which is why it references eating meat despite the fact that the characters don't.

Now, for the bad news: unfortunately, you might not see another chapter until early May, as April is going to be a busy month for me full of work, work, and more work. I will do my best, though, and I do want to try to get another two chapters out before the premiere of the movie (which will undoubtedly render any and all of my writing AU, not that that's a deterrent).

Anyway, in the next installment, Lin and Shifu's journey truly begins, while Tigress is left to handle the Jade Palace on her own. Meanwhile, Tai Lung meets a new friend! (Okay, that was sarcastic, I admit it).


	7. Cooking Is Like Love

A/N: So I'm seeing in more and more sources that it was Shifu's hip that was injured in Tai Lung's rampage- as that had once been a bit of a vague point, I'd previously assigned the injury to his knee. (His limp just seemed like a knee limp to me, y'know?) I assure you that I will be going back through the fic to fix any mentions of this. Anyway... Finally done! PHEW! Now I just need to try to churn out chapter 8 by the 26th. Wish me luck! And enjoy.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.

* * *

Chapter 7: Cooking Is Like Love: It Should Be Entered Into with Abandon or Not At All

* * *

Tai Lung had never been a huge fan of cities. Maybe it had something to do with his upbringing in a palace on top of a mountain, or maybe it had something to do with the fact that the less room people had in which to live, the more temperamental they became. And Tai Lung wasn't exactly a fan of people when they were _well-tempered_, so the idea of urban living often filled him with feelings of disgust and anger. Despite all this, he would have given anything to step foot outside of Chen's house, even for a moment.

He felt like a prisoner all over again, albeit in a much cushier prison than Chor Ghom had been. And at least he had _someone_ to talk to, which went a long way toward keeping his sanity (though his sanity didn't last long once Yan-Yan started talking about her grandchildren). Most importantly, while he spent most of his time stuck up in the bedroom where he'd first awoken, he had plenty of time to plan. And while one would think the twenty years he'd spent in Chor Ghom would have given him ample time to plan, so many of those years had been wasted stewing in his own intense rage that he had become short-sighted. As humiliating as it had been, having the sense knocked out of him by that big, fat panda had helped him clear his head. Of course, that didn't mean that his anger had faded; what it _did_ mean was that he had finally begun to learn to not allow his rage to cloud his mind. The first step had been admitting to himself that his temper affected his thinking to begin with, and while it had not been easy, that fact had been made painfully clear to him by the panda.

Now that he'd been defeated, now that Chen had picked him up and decided to give him a "second chance," he had all the time he needed to plot his vengeance. Shifu and the panda would both pay for taking his entire life's purpose away from him. All he had to do was go along with whatever the little raisin wanted him to do, and hopefully he'd be able to make it back into the Valley of Peace without raising any suspicion. He'd lay low, learn their greatest weaknesses... And then strike. So what if the panda was the Dragon Warrior? It wasn't as if Oogway had actually _written_ anything in that damn scroll, the old coot. "Dragon Warrior" was just a title, and he'd show them all that he was better than that, that he was above a meaningless label. His loss to the panda had been a fluke- one that would not happen twice.

"G'morning, kitty," a gravelly voice greeted as the door swung open and Chen hopped into the room. "Having another one of your brooding sessions?" he mocked.

"I wouldn't expect a dried up turd like _you_ to understand what it is like to lose _everything_." Tai Lung stopped the pacing he'd been doing around the small bedroom and crossed his arms. "What it is like to have to start your life all over again."

"See, ya think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while ya talk, I'm thinking, 'How can I give less of a shit?' That's why I look interested."

Tai Lung glared at the old raisin, his hackles rising. "Mark my words, old man-"

"No thanks," Chen interrupted.

He wanted desperately to crush the rodent, but he managed, barely, to hold himself back; if he could just bide his time until Lin arrived and the two annoying coots inevitably decided to send him back to the Valley of Peace, he'd have a clear shot at the panda _and_ at Shifu. And this time around, _no one_ would stand in his way. The thought calmed him, and he settled on just glaring daggers at Chen. "How much longer are you going to keep me locked up in here like an unwanted twin?"

"Just until a bunch of old windbags get together and decide your fate forya." At least he was honest. "Speaking of which, I got someone forya to meet."

"Absolutely not."

"Get your ass in here," Chen snapped over his shoulder, and just like that yet another person knew about Tai Lung's presence in Shanghai.

A raccoon dog with thick white fur and blue eyes magnified by gigantic glasses peered at him from the doorway, a confused expression on its face. It looked like a rather old man, though Tai Lung doubted he could be any older than Chen.

"What the devil is _this_, now?" he grumbled; the last thing he needed was someone else harassing him.

"This's Wei-Shan," Chen informed him, a disgruntled frown in place. "And a little respect'd be nice."

He'd heard of Wei-Shan; the man hadn't done as much of note in kung fu history as Chen had, though he _had_ accompanied the little raisin on many of the rodent's famous missions and had retrieved the Invisible Trident of Destiny from the demons of the Yellow Sea, thanks to his then incredible eyesight. Apparently that particular attribute hadn't lasted.

"You're fluffier than I'd imagined," Wei-Shan commented by way of greeting.

"Get him away from me," Tai Lung growled, glowering first at Chen, then at the soon-to-be-disembowled Wei-Shan.

"Oh, I'm sure we'll be fast friends," Wei-Shan dismissed, as if he hadn't even heard the snow leopard. "Chen reacted the same way when we first met, and _now_ look at us."

"I'd rather not." And he meant that quite literally; the last people he wanted to lay eyes on were a couple of wrinkly old men.

"Aren't you going to say hello to _me?_" Now _that_ was more like it; Yan-Yan appeared in the doorway, an exasperated frown stuck on her face.

"Yan-Yan!" Wei-Shan blinked back at the woman, even going so far as to adjust his glasses. "You look different than I'd expected."

"Well it's been a few years," she huffed, then self-consciously smoothed out her lilac hanfu, despite the fact that it was completely unnecessary. "Gravity tends to take its toll."

"What, exactly, is the point of this little gathering?" Tai Lung cut in, before the topic of conversation could be completely derailed. He had better things to do with his morning than listen to an attractive woman whine about being unattractive.

"You're meeting Wei-Shan 'cause he's gonna help us decide your fate," Chen informed him.

"And I'm forcing you to eat this," Yan-Yan added, then pulled out something wrapped in a banana leaf from her sleeve. "Not the leaf, of course, but what's inside." She shoved the thing into Tai Lung's hands, and he opened the leaf to peer down at some sort of dark green, glutinous log.

"Do I even want to know what this is?" he grumbled.

"Looks like some sort of grass jelly," Wei-Shan commented, apparently unaware of how unhelpful he was.

"Actually, the green comes from algae," Yan-Yan corrected.

Tai Lung could only glare at her, scandalized that she would even _think_ about trying to feed him such slop.

"Oh, don't be a baby," she scolded. "Algae is very good for you, and it doesn't taste that bad. It's like Wei-Shan said, it tastes like grass."

"Lovely," he grumbled, but downed the chewy concoction anyway; it did indeed taste like grass, but also a little bit like vomit. "Eurgh," he coughed out after swallowing the thing. Still, Yan-Yan had yet to let him down with her disgusting variety of medicines. Each and every one, while barely edible, had invigorated him and noticeably improved his health. Sometimes, though, he had to wonder if the awful taste was intentional- especially when she made his medicine immediately after he'd said something to annoy her.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Why is it that the men who think they're the toughest always act like the biggest babies?"

"You are treading dangerous territory," he warned her.

"You two are pretty funny," Wei-Shan suddenly cut in, observing them as if their behavior was somehow foreign to him.

"Funny 'haha' or funny 'weird?'" Yan-Yan asked, skepticism clear in her voice.

"A little of both."

"This is ridiculous!" Tai Lung snapped, fed up with being trotted out and shown around like a trophy wife. "I do not want to speak to _any_ of you. And if you have nothing important to say to _me_, then get out!"

"It's my house, I'll do what I want," Chen argued, as obstinate as ever.

"Your accent is pretty unusual," Wei-Shan observed, as if the current conversation meant absolutely nothing to him. "Then again, you _have_ been in prison for a long time. I don't think it's a snow leopard thing in general, though, because I was acquainted with Lady Wu-"

"Hey," Yan-Yan suddenly interrupted. "There's some more of my daughter's seasonal jam in the kitchen. You two like oranges, don't you?"

"Ooh, oranges." Wei-Shan walked out of the room, completely distracted by the jam in question.

Chen glared at her a moment, then Tai Lung, then back to her. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he ordered harshly, then hopped off after Wei-Shan.

Tai Lung couldn't believe that Yan-Yan had actually taken his side, not that he owed her any thanks. "Tell me, is Wei-Shan... Senile?"

"No," Yan-Yan sighed. "He's just... _Him_. He grows on you after a while."

"How long is 'a while'?"

She snorted at the question, though it hadn't been a joke. "So how are you feeling today?"

"Like I no longer have any reason to stay in this old man's house," he growled, then sat down cross-legged on his bedroll; of course, that was a complete bluff. He still had a vague plan in place, after all.

"Hm," she replied, putting her hand on her chin and tilting her head a bit as she assessed him.

He resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably under her gaze; it wouldn't do to show any weakness.

Then, she threw her hands in the air and let them drop back down to her sides with a loud slap. "You don't," she announced.

He blinked back at her, unsure if he'd heard correctly. "...What?"

"If you want to leave, there's really nothing stopping you," she elaborated. "Aside from the whole being an outlaw thing, but I'm sure you could figure that part out if you wanted to."

Tai Lung had no idea how to reply to that particular bit of information; even if he was completely healed and had no reason to stay with Chen, he would have never expected Yan-Yan to _tell him_. She was, ultimately, on the little raisin's side, after all. "Is this reverse psychology?"

"It's the truth," she shot back. "I'm a doctor, Tai Lung. Doctors don't lie to their patients."

"_I _think you like me," he pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"How astute," she observed sarcastically. "What tipped you off, that time that I _told you_ I like you?"

"I meant romantically," he huffed, scowling at her attitude.

"Oh my," she sighed, shaking her head at him. "Are you trying to seduce me over to the dark side?"

He couldn't hold back the slightest bit of a blush at her suggestion of him doing _that_ with her. He still couldn't believe that a middle-class woman like Yan-Yan could be so forthright. "There is no need for such brutish tactics."

"I didn't really think so." She actually sounded _disappointed_. "I _am_ quite a bit older than you. And in my experience, most men aren't too fond of the age difference when the roles are reversed."

"Stop it right there!" he snapped before she could go on and on forever with her insipid whining. "I do not want to hear any of your complaining today. It is _maddening_ and I think it very well may send me into another rampage."

She laughed at the comment, as if she thought he was making another joke, then sat down beside him. "So are you saying you find me attractive?"

"A _eunuch_ would find you attractive," he blurted out; what he'd been thinking when the words passed his lips, he had no idea.

"Too bad all the good eunuchs are taken already," she hummed, apparently unfazed by his comment. "Then again, it was marrying a man generally considered to be 'good' that got me into my current predicament." She turned to him and gave him a warm, incredibly sweet smile. "Food for thought, hm?"

"Yes," he agreed, trying to edge away from her with as much subtlety as possible.

She caught him at it, anyway. "Why so nervous? Surely a big, strong kung fu warrior such as yourself has nothing to fear from little old me."

"Of course not," he agreed. "I am simply a little overheated."

"I know something that could help with that." Yan-Yan leaned in closer to him, her smile growing. "Trust me. I'm a doctor."

He knew it would be far too risky to "fraternize with the enemy," as it were. After all, as attractive as Yan-Yan was, her loyalties remained with Chen, while his decidedly did not. It would be idiotic, ignorant, and weak of him to give in to the woman, despite his... _Curiosity_. Certainly he hadn't missed anything, in abstaining for the entirety of his adult life; just a whole lot of drama for a few fleeting moments of pleasure. It was a ridiculous way to live, and he was above all of that. And no curvaceous temptress was going to bring him down by simply batting her eyes at him. So, he opened his mouth to tell her exactly where she could go. "...Alright, then."

"Aloe juice it is!" she suddenly exclaimed, jumping to her feet with an excited clap. "It's about time _someone_ around here helped me drink it. I'll go make a batch right now."

He watched her bustle out of the room, utterly stumped. "_Women_," he huffed in his frustration.

* * *

Shifu wondered, and not for the first time, why the universe seemed to enjoy torturing him so much. He'd thought he'd paid his dues when his own son tried to kill him, but apparently he'd thought wrong. Now, on top of having to travel to Shanghai to decide what to do with said son, he had to deal with Lin through the entire trip. It had been five days, and already she was wearing on his last nerve. First, she'd made a huge scene about taking the trade route- apparently she didn't want to be seen by authorities. When he had attempted to assure her that no one remembered her, she'd simply replied, "I mighta kinda sorta stirred up a little trouble on my way down here." He'd given up after that, and followed her lead to a much smaller, much more unkempt back road frequented mostly by criminals. After that, she had annoyed him with insipid traveling games like "I spy" and had pouted like a child when he'd refused to play. And whenever he attempted to start any conversation at all with her, she somehow managed to turn it into some sort of come-on or filthy joke. Not to mention that every single time he stopped for a bathroom break, without fail, she felt the need to loudly remind him that, "More'n two shakes is playing with yourself!"

He was slowly but surely going insane.

He glanced behind him as they made their way up a tiny dirt road, overgrown with weeds and grass, rice paddies visible in the distance; Lin was very clearly staring at his backside. "Hey!"

"Hm?" she asked, apparently unconcerned that she'd been caught.

"Keep your eyes above the belt, please," he huffed, embarrassed by her behavior.

"Oh, like you don't stare at mine every chance you get," she shot back, but thankfully raised her gaze to eye level. "How much longer until we make camp?"

"Not long," he replied grudgingly; the sun had sunk quite close to the horizon, and if they didn't stop soon they wouldn't have enough daylight to be able to build a fire. Not that _that_ was any problem; he'd been right when he'd admitted that Lin would be good at getting a fire started. She usually had the task done before he'd even finished gathering firewood. The problem was actually _sleeping_ near Lin- mainly because the weather had begun to cool, and the nights were often accompanied by a bitter chill. He suspected it wouldn't be long until they needed to huddle together for warmth, and he couldn't help but dread it.

"Why don't we just stop now?" she suggested, gesturing to some bushes looming out of the underbrush off the side of the road. "Look, shelter and privacy."

He doubted they'd find a much better spot, so he conceded. "If you insist."

She practically ran to the bushes and he followed her to a relatively secluded space behind one. "Guess what these are!" she suddenly exclaimed, poking at the oval leaves with a grin.

"Plants," he replied flatly, dropping his bag on the ground and pulling out some of the rations he'd packed: dumplings, courtesy of Po.

"They're honeysuckle," she told him.

"Fascinating." He picked a spot for their fire and cleared some of the grass from it while Lin watched him, her expression growing disgruntled as the silence between them stretched on.

"Oh, get bent," she suddenly snapped, carelessly dropping her own bag.

"What?"

"You heard me. _Get bent_." With that, she marched off, presumably to find something to use as kindling.

He decided to ignore her outburst, whatever it had been about. He had better things to do with his time, anyway. It didn't take long to get enough wood together for a fire; he admittedly took most of it from the surrounding bushes, not that they couldn't spare a few branches. After Lin returned, arms full of firewood and dried grass, she took to building the fire while he... Watched. There wasn't much else to do; they had opted against a tent, Lin insisting that it added unnecessary bulk, especially since it wasn't the rainy season; he'd been inclined to agree, for once. And the dumplings merely needed to be heated over a flame, so he didn't need to prepare them. So, he watched her bring a crackling fire to life in awkward silence, uncomfortable at the sour expression that lingered on her face.

She grabbed the dumplings from him and skewered them onto a couple of the honeysuckle branches, then threw one at him rather carelessly before holding her own over the flames.

"I give in," he grumbled, glaring at her. "What did I do now?"

"Like you don't know," she scoffed, hunching her shoulders as she very clearly sulked.

"Is this some sort of hormonal thing?"

She grabbed a clod of dirt and threw it at him for the question, but it had been worth it. "Go to hell."

"Not until I know _why_ you want me there," he replied. "How do you expect me to know what you are angry about when you won't _tell me?_"

"That just pisses me off even more!" She pulled one of her dumplings off of the stick, popping it into her mouth and chewing sullenly.

"Well excuse me for not being a mind-reader!" He reached over and snatched her dumplings away from her, partly out of spite, but mostly so she wouldn't have an excuse to ignore him.

"Hey!" She grabbed for the stick several times, but he was too fast for her, and each grab she made was easily dodged. "Stop it! I'm _hungry_, dammit!" She tried to grab hold of his arm to stop it from moving, but again, he dodged. "You're a dick!" And then she tackled him.

He hadn't exactly been expecting that, and she'd moved faster than he'd thought she could; as a result, he found Lin sitting in his lap, pinning him down by the shoulders. "Don't be a child," he huffed, and managed to sit up with relative ease. "Now get off of me."

"I want my dinner back," she ground out, grabbing at his arm again.

"Then tell me why you are angry!"

"Hello!" she spat out. "_Honeysuckles?_ Ring a bell?"

"Not particularly."

She let out a disgusted grunt and actually voluntarily climbed out of his lap to sit at the opposite side of the fire, her back turned to him. "Forget it, I'm not hungry anymore."

"What about honeysuckles?"

"I said, _forget it_."

He wondered what on earth she could possibly be so angry about- something to do with honeysuckles- "Ohhhh- oh!" It suddenly hit him; he had given her honeysuckles, once. She'd squealed in delight and sucked on the sweet nectar, adorable in her simple enjoyment of the flowers. "I remember now."

"Too late," she answered, maddeningly enough.

"Well I apologize for not instantly remembering every single moment of our former relationship!" he shot back sarcastically.

"I thought I toldya to forget it!" she snapped. "Leave it, drop it, _whatever_."

"Aren't _you_ the one who is all for forgetting the past, anyway?"

"Yup, that's why we're _dropping the subject_."

He honestly couldn't understand why she had gotten so annoyed over such a simple thing, but he wasn't about to let her skip dinner and then keep him up all night complaining about her hunger. So, he got up and joined her at the other side of the fire, practically forcing her dinner back on her. "...What else do you remember?"

"Everything," she answered shortly, biting into a dumpling.

"There is no way that you remember _everything_," he pointed out. "I am sure there is something I remember that you do not."

"Remember that time I toldya to get bent?"

"Fine, refuse to admit you are wrong. It is not as if that is anything new." He watched her chew sullenly on her food, waiting for an answer, but got none. "You _know_ you are wrong," he suddenly realized. "That is why you're so angry at me for pointing it out."

She held up her hand, pinching her index finger and her thumb together. "I am _this close_ to punching you in the dick."

"Now _that_ I remember," he replied with a wince as he thought back on all the times, intentionally or not, she had hit him in the crotch. _Especially_ when she had kneed him there for kissing her. "Is that some sort of price of admission for you?"

She punched him, but in the arm instead- which meant she thought what he'd said was funny.

As annoyed as he'd been by her temper, he couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic. "Do you know what else I remember?" And it couldn't hurt to get her into a better mood, either- for his own sake, if for no other reason.

"How much of an ass groper you were?" she sniffed, though there was a note of amusement in her voice.

"Besides that." He couldn't exactly deny _that_ accusation. "I remember how ticklish you were." He caught a glimpse of the horrified look dawning on her face before his hands darted out and found her sides.

The shriek she let out was nothing short of inhuman, not to mention ear-piercing. She managed to wriggle away from him due to his distraction, caused by a combination of her screaming and the fact that he couldn't help but laugh at the way she still behaved like a toddler at the slightest tickle. The annoyed frown on her face, accompanied by an angry blush, only made him laugh even harder. Then, she reached out and yanked on his beard.

"Ouch!" He batted her hand away, and while that had put a stop to his laughter he was still rather amused.

She seemed soothed by the small act of revenge, and relaxed a little. "Y'know, I don't think I've heardya laugh in over thirty years."

"Oh, come now. I laugh just as much as anyone else."

"Not around me." She eyed him critically, and he tried desperately to resist her guilt techniques.

"You _could_ bear to be a little nicer to me," he grumbled.

"Ditto," she shot back. "You've been acting like a jackass _a lot_ lately, and I mean more'n usual. Y'know, some of the stuff you've said..."

"What?" he pressed, raising his eyebrows at her; it was rare that _she_ was the one who wanted to have a serious discussion while _he_ was trying to lighten the mood. He wasn't sure if he liked the role reversal.

"That thing you said, when we were fighting about Tai Lung. And you implied I shoulda shot him. Didya really mean that?"

"I don't know," he huffed. "When Tai Lung first returned to the valley, it was a kill or be killed situation. You cannot expect me to simply do nothing."

"But do you _want_ Tai Lung dead?" she asked.

"No, of course not," he denied immediately. "But a lot of unwanted things happen in life. It cannot be helped."

"You could always try my patented technique," she offered, and when he gave her an inquisitive look she elaborated. "You could just not do anything you don't wanna do."

He rolled his eyes at her. "I cannot. I have lives in my hands, at any given time, and my decisions affect those lives dramatically. Not all of us have the luxury of doing whatever we want. Some of us must do things we do not want to do, for the sake of others."

Rather than insult him or argue with him as he'd expected, Lin actually smiled at him. "I always liked that about you, that you wanna protect people. I been all over, so trust me when I say it's a rarity."

"Oh?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at her. "So you do not think I am full of it this time?"

"I never said _that_," she shot back. "I mean, of course you're always gonna be full of it. That's just the way you are. But at least this time you got noble intentions."

He resented the implication that it was simply in his nature to be "full of it," but he knew nothing he could say would change Lin's mind. "I am only speaking the truth. It is my duty as a master of kung fu to work for the greater good, regardless of my own wishes. Sometimes in spite of them." He paused as a memory floated up from his mind, unbidden: the day Tai Lung was taken to Chor Ghom, when it had been his duty to inspect Oogway's debilitating contraption and to see the rhino guards to the gates of the palace; he had avoided his son's gaze at all costs, already knowing the hatred and betrayal that would be there. That had been the last time he'd seen the snow leopard for twenty long years. "Kung fu is not about doing what I want, it is about doing the right thing."

She apparently sensed the memories attached to his words, and took on a much gentler tone. "Those can be the same thing, a lotta the time. I think it's the same thing now, with what we're doing."

"What if it is not?" he asked. "I... I have always had Master Oogway to tell me the right path, however vaguely or metaphorically. Now, I do not know if I will make the right choices."

"Welcome to everyone else's damn life." She elbowed him in the side, which he supposed was meant to be a comforting gesture. "You really think that after you were raised and taught by someone like Oogway, that after _seventy years_ of experience, you can't make your own decisions?"

"When you put it that way I just sound pathetic and dependent," he grumbled.

"It's called perspective. Get some." With that, she finished off the last of her dumplings.

He glared at her, even though he knew that she was right. "Your sensitivity and nurturing instinct are enough to sooth the most frazzled of nerves," he observed sarcastically. "I can only imagine how the children of Bao Gu must have loved you."

She surprised him by actually talking about her experience. "Well, the bad kids liked me."

"Why?"

"'Cause I yelled at 'em. They were real young though- in a coupla years, they'd hate that kinda treatment." She got up and pulled her blanket out of her bag, spreading it on the ground beside the fire. "Kids're weird, and kinda annoying. That's why I never liked 'em much."

"Then perhaps it was for the best that you left," he mused. "I shudder to think how you might have reacted to Tigress."

"Assuming you woulda just showed up with her one day- which I know is exactly whatya did- I woulda _killed you_. And that's not an exaggeration."

He could only imagine. "Perhaps this is not the best subject of conversation for us."

"It's getting late, anyway," she accepted. "Put out the fire, willya?"

He nodded, then took a moment to lay out his own blanket before smothering the campfire with dirt, so they could preserve their drinking water. "This sort of reminds me of how you always used to coerce me into doing the dishes."

"It's basically the same principle." She crawled under her blanket and curled up, clearly uncomfortable without her little mountain of pillows. "...Y'know, I always liked your laugh."

"Oh?" He probably shouldn't have been so interested in the proclamation, but he couldn't help himself.

"I probably shouldn't tellya this, but it used to make me weak in the knees."

"Not anymore?" He realized after the words left his mouth that he had begun to _flirt_ with her, and he scolded himself; the last thing he needed to deal with on their trip was to give Lin any reason at all to continue harassing him.

"Like I said, tonight was the first time I heard it," she hummed, sounding rather pleased with his flirtatious question. "But it still did the job pretty well, I think."

He blushed and turned away from her to settle down for the night, himself. He was surprised to find how incredibly _cold_ the ground felt, and while the blanket offered some warmth he had a feeling that once his embarrassment wore off he would be shivering.

"What, you're embarrassed, now?" Of course, she couldn't just leave well enough alone.

"Why don't we drop it, hm?"

"Fine, I'll just snuggle up in my nice _warm_ blanket and drift comfortably off to sleep." She was absolutely _evil_; she clearly knew he was cold, and was only taunting him.

"You cannot tell me you are not cold."

"I have thick fur." She had something of a point, there.

While he was loathe to admit it, his fur _had_ grown thin as he'd aged and as such, he found himself not quite as well insulated against the cold as he'd once been. He took a moment to thank the gods that Lin had yet to return to the valley when he had once mistaken sneezing powder for a hair growth potion. "So you are not concerned at all? It will only get colder as the night goes on."

"...It's a little chilly," Lin admitted, though that was something of an understatement. "But you're right, the temperature's only gonna drop more as it gets later. It'd probably be best to huddle up for warmth." To her credit, she did not make a sexual joke.

"Well..." He wished there was some way to avoid it, but sharing a bed with Lin seemed inevitable. "Bring your blanket over here."

"Get up," she ordered as she approached, and while the order annoyed him he still sat up, well aware of what she was planning. She grabbed his blanket from him and tied two corners to her own, then laid the two on the ground.

"I see you have done this before," he remarked as he lay down and awkwardly shuffled close to her while she tied the other two corners of the blankets together around them, effectively cocooning them.

"'Course I have, I spent more'n half my life on the road." She turned to look at him, despite how uncomfortable their proximity made such an action. Then, she reached up and placed a hand on top of his head. "Hey, you're balding."

"Wha- no I am not!" he argued immediately, his hands flying up to feel the spot she'd just touched. "You must be mistaken. I may have lost a little fur, but I am most certainly _not_ balding!"

"Relax," she replied with a chuckle. "It's kinda cute."

The comment stung more than a joke at his expense would have. "We will see how cute I am when I kick your behind all the way to Shanghai."

"Ifya mean that in a kinky way, then you got a deal." It had only been a matter of time before she'd started in on the sexual comments.

"I would prefer it if you did not say things like that while we are pressed up together," he grumbled. "It makes me worried about where your hands might travel."

"You wouldn't be so worried ifya knew what they could do," she shot back, grinning. "But I guess it's your loss. I'll keep the come-ons to myself for now."

He found himself surprised that she had accepted his request so easily, but he was too tired and too relieved to not have to worry about sexual harassment while he tried to sleep to question it. "Thank you." He allowed himself to settle in, laying on his back arm-to-arm with Lin, and began to drift off.

"Hey, Shifu?"

He should have known she'd never let him fall asleep. "What is it?" he muttered, keeping his eyes closed in the hopes that she would stop talking and allow him to rest.

"...Can we spoon?"

At that question, though, his eyes flew open. "_What?_" He stared aghast at Lin as she frowned at his reaction.

"I'm still kinda cold," she huffed, though a blush was forming in her cheeks. "I toldya I wasn't gonna make fun of your prudishness anymore, and I meant it. And like you said, it's only gonna get colder."

He supposed he should count himself grateful she hadn't suggested they undress; besides, she had a point. "If you so much as _giggle_ I will go to Shanghai on my own," he warned.

"Fair enough." She turned on her side and he stared at her for a moment, wondering how to maneuver around her large, fluffy tail. "Oh, for the love of..." she muttered, then reached back, grabbed her tail, and moved it out of the way.

"How did you know that was why I hesitated?" he asked as he joined her, still a little shocked that she hadn't insisted on being the big spoon.

"Experience," she answered simply, and he was grateful she didn't bother to elaborate.

"Ah, I see." He held his left arm up for a moment, unsure of what to do with it; he couldn't really relax his arm without somehow embracing Lin, and the situation had already become extremely embarrassing.

She once again seemed to read his mind. "We're already spooning," she pointed out. "You might as well just put it wherever."

He settled on draping his arm over her side and allowing his hand to rest lightly on her stomach. He resisted the urge to ask her if she was alright with it; she _had_ just told him to put his arm wherever. And, though he would never admit it out loud, he enjoyed the feeling of her sagging little bulge of a stomach against his hand, the rhythm of her body as she breathed, and her scent of freshly dug earth, that smell that hadn't changed in over three decades. He jumped a little when she placed her hand over his, but he didn't pull away; her calloused palm against the back of his hand was more comforting than he could ever tell her.

"Shifu, I..." There was a gentleness to her voice that hadn't been there before, and it reminded him of how fragile the moment was. "...I meant it, when I said the balding thing was cute."

He got the feeling she had wanted to say something different, but he was smart enough to know he shouldn't ask. "Thank you."

She moved back a bit, cuddling up against him, then let out a happy sigh and, as far as he could tell, fell asleep.

He had a feeling that he would not be so lucky.

* * *

"Po, widen your stance. Crane, loosen up a little, your form is looking stiff. Mantis, _don't you dare laugh_. Monkey, quit playing with your staff and get on the obstacle course. Mantis, _I told you not to laugh!_ Viper-"

"Here," Viper interrupted, handing Tigress a cup of chamomile tea. "Calm down for a minute, okay? You always get so stressed out when you're in charge."

Tigress eyed the cup, then hesitantly grabbed it and took a sip. She had to admit, when it came to chamomile Viper always had the best stuff. "Thank you," she sighed, grateful for the small gesture. "I'd like you to work with Po at some point today. He could use the practice with speed and agility, and I know he responds well to your criticism."

"That's because I'm _constructive_," she replied, giving her friend a pointed stare.

"I'm constructive!" Tigress argued, then caught sight of Crane faltering ever so slightly on the Jade Tortoise. "Crane!" she barked, causing the avian master to jump a little. "Didn't I _just_ tell you to loosen up? What is the matter? It's not like your mother's watching you!"

He nodded in acceptance, but she could have sworn he muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "No, but _you_ are."

"That was not constructive," Viper pointed out. "You're worse than Master Shifu after he eats something that upsets his stomach!"

Despite all of her efforts not to, Tigress thought of Lin and her horribly spicy curry. "Viper, just... Don't." She reached up to massage her temple as she watched her fellow kung fu masters practice with little to no enthusiasm whatsoever. "Alright, that's enough!" she called out, fed up with their performance. "Meditation until lunchtime!" she ordered. "Then perhaps some of you will actually be able to _focus_."

The others stopped what they were doing and left together, giving each other looks that clearly said they thought she was on a power trip. She didn't care.

"Tigress," Viper whispered as she watched the guys leave, "what's this really about?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she denied, crossing her arms. "I am doing my best to ensure that things run smoothly while Master Shifu is... _Away_." She'd been unable to control her voice at that last part, and it came out of her mouth with unexpected venom.

Viper, being the most observant of her friends, caught on immediately. "It's okay if you're jealous," she replied gently. "My sisters and I fought with each other all the time over our father's attention. I mean, I always _won_, but we still fought."

"As enlightening as that was," Tigress grumbled, "I am _not_ jealous. I don't have anything to be jealous over!"

"Come on, Tigress," she argued. "I know you better than that! Master Shifu is your father, and there's nothing wrong with wanting his affection and approval. And there's nothing wrong with being jealous when someone else you barely know gets it."

"Viper-"

"I understand, also, that you don't like Lin, but you should try to keep in mind that _she's _not the one you're really angry at."

"Well, she's an asshole!" Tigress snapped, then shut her mouth, her eyes widening at the exclamation that had burst from her mouth before she'd been able to stop herself.

Viper seemed pretty taken aback, too. "Oh. Um..."

"Sorry," Tigress grumbled. "That was... Building up for a while."

"No, I get it." Viper patted her arm with the end of her tail, and she felt like a child.

"She told me that... She said that she and Shifu were once involved. Seriously."

"Seriously?" Viper repeated. "How seriously?"

"Forever seriously, it sounds like." She grimaced just thinking about it.

"Whoa. _That's_ news. So what happened?"

"She left." Tigress gritted her teeth at the nerve of the woman, returning as if it were nothing after she had clearly hurt Master Shifu. "And now she thinks she can just come back and pretend she belongs here, and Master Shifu-" She cut herself off, shaking her head. What was the point in talking about it, anyway? It wasn't like anyone else could understand. "She's an old con-artist, and I don't trust her. And that's that."

"What did she say to you, exactly?" Viper asked, a look of concern crossing her face.

"Nothing," Tigress sighed. "It was nothing. No, that's not true... I think she was trying to tell me she wants to be my mother."

"Whoa," the serpentine master exclaimed. "Talk about crossing a line! I mean, _whoa_. Are you... Are you okay?"

Tigress didn't answer. She wasn't okay, of course; she was mad as hell. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to her friend in depth about it; Viper was the kind of person who liked to ask questions, as if that were somehow helpful. And it wasn't.

Viper cleared her throat after the silence had stretched to an awkward length. "Well... Wow. I guess she's really planning to stick around. And is... Really involved with Master Shifu. Weird. I mean, she's not his type _at all_-"

"Oh, ew, Viper," she interrupted. "You know what Master Shifu's type is? Wait, don't answer that."

"Like you don't remember that incident with my seamstress," she shot back. "Or remember Winter Feast four years ago? When Master Leopard almost beat him to a pulp? Not to mention the Wu Sisters-"

"_Don't_ remind me of the Wu Sisters," Tigress pleaded. Wu Bai in particular was a notorious flirt, and tended to use that to her advantage in battle. Even Crane had been distracted by the assassin, and it took _a lot_ to distract Crane.

"Anyway, just... Calm down," Viper advised. "You have about a month until you see either of them again. Use this time to focus on _you_."

"...On me?" she asked warily.

"Yes! Just do what makes _you_ happy and forget everything else! Let loose for once! It's incredibly therapeutic."

Tigress blinked down at her friend as a particular scroll of kung fu came to mind, one which Shifu had not allowed her to study. Could she really disobey her master so blatantly, though? Then again, how would he ever know? He was too busy, as Mantis had said, "practicing doggy style." It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if she learned nerve strikes. After all, they'd all learned from experience that Shifu wasn't always right. "You know," she answered slowly, "that is excellent advice."

"I know," Viper accepted with a wink. "Now what do you say to performing our daily meditation in a hot bath?"

She knew she shouldn't, but she had already resolved to break Shifu's rules once. "Just for today."

Viper let out a squeal of delight, leading the way out of the training hall. "Oh, good! We haven't had a girls' day in _forever_."

* * *

"Lin, _no_."

"Oh, lighten up."

"Absolutely not."

"But-"

"No!"

Lin crossed her arms and glared at Shifu with a childish frown on her face, then turned to the inn in front of them. "I don't see what's wrong with _this_ inn," she argued.

Shifu eyed the establishment, inclined to disagree. The two-story building, which stood on a lake, elevated above the water by stilts, was a hot-bed for criminal activity. The restaurant on the first floor was so full of rowdy bandits, thieves, mercenaries, and assassins that the din was audible even from the shore of the lake, where he'd stopped to argue with Lin over the wisdom of spending the night at such a place. "It is crawling with criminals," he pointed out flatly.

"Well, _duh_. That's half the draw!"

"I am _not_ spending the night in an establishment full of bandits and highway men!"

"Oh, you'll be fine if you're with me," she dismissed. "After all, these're _my_ people."

He couldn't argue with that. "Yet another reason for me to rethink our friendship."

She stared at him for the comment, though he honestly didn't understand why. "You admitted it!" she suddenly shouted, sounding more excited than anyone about to walk into an inn full of criminals should. "You admitted that we're friends!"

"Oh, gods." He should have ditched her days ago and just gone ahead to Shanghai himself. "Fine, we will stay the night here. But _only_ because the next town is a day and a half away and I do not want to spend another night spooning you on the cold ground." He had huddled with her for warmth for the past four nights, and had unfortunately had to deal with Lin's tendency to moan suggestively in her sleep on top of it. He wasn't sure if his poor heart could take another night.

"Great!" She set off down the long, narrow dock leading toward the inn, a happy grin on her face. "I can't wait to finally get some _booze_ in me."

"As always, your priorities are in perfect order." He followed her into the inn, and found himself actually _grateful_ that she had forced him to change into more low-key clothing for the trip. She had probably planned to frequent such an establishment from the start.

They entered into a noisy room filled to the brim with wolves, crocodiles, boars, foxes, oxen, and gorillas- all of whom were clearly thieves, bandits, mercenaries and highway men. They all crowded around the room's tiny tables, dimly lit by hanging lanterns, laughing and making crude jokes while a harried-looking rabbit ran back and forth, waiting on them. Smoke hung in the air near the ceiling from the members of the crowd who happened to be enjoying pipes, and pretty much all of them had drinks in their hands. "This's gonna be fun," Lin observed.

"For _you_, perhaps," he huffed as another rabbit, presumably the waitress's husband, scurried up to them.

"W-welcome," he greeted shakily, and Shifu honestly couldn't blame him for his high-strung temperament. "A-are you here for- for-"

"For the night, yes," Shifu interrupted impatiently.

Lin slapped him on the arm, then addressed the rabbit in an uncharacteristically sweet voice. "You're gonna hafta excuse his rudeness, handsome."

"_Handsome?_" Shifu balked at the flirtatious nickname.

"Now don't be jealous, you'll have me all to yourself later," Lin laughed, pushing him a little, then turned back to their host. "We'll just take one room, ifya please."

"One room, right," the rabbit accepted, his voice slightly less shaky. "That'll be ten yuan."

Lin pouted like a disappointed child. "Oh my. I don't know if we even _have_ ten yuan." They definitely had more than enough to pay for the room.

"I'm sorry." The proprietor didn't seem in the mood to haggle, though.

Lin regarded him carefully for a moment, then nudged Shifu toward an empty table near the corner of the room. "Go siddown, honey, I'll be right there."

He contemplated refusing, but she looked like she had a trick up her sleeve, so he nodded and walked away, keeping one ear trained in her direction just in case she needed him to step in. As he sat down, he also took the liberty of watching from the corner of his eye.

"Sir, _surely_ you have a room for less than ten yuan," Lin insisted, still in her falsely sweet voice, then sidled a little closer to the rabbit.

"M-my wife and I need to make a living," the man argued.

"Your wife?" Blinking, Lin turned to look at the waitress. "Is that her?"

"Yes."

"What a lucky woman," she sighed as she blushed a bit. "And so _beautiful_." There was definitely a suggestive tone to her voice that Shifu did not like the sound of.

Apparently the proprietor of the inn _did_ like it, though. "...I could spare a few jiao, perhaps."

"Liquor me up and _I_ could spare something of my own," she replied, her voice returning to its normal forceful tone. "Strongest stuff y'got, please, and don't skimp."

"My wife will be with you shortly."

With a smug smile, Lin strutted over to the table and sat down next to Shifu. "And _that_ is how you haggle."

"That was the sleaziest thing I have ever seen in my life," he huffed. "What are you going to do if he and his wife actually want to take you up on that shady offer of yours?"

"Then I guess you'll have the room to yourself," she answered casually.

"Ugh," he grunted. "I need a bath just _hearing_ that."

"Don't knock it 'til you try it," she shot back as she pulled her long pipe out of her bag and began to stuff it.

He opened his mouth to reply when another female voice, overtly flirtatious with a hint of an accent from the southern provinces, sounded from behind him.

"My, my, my," the familiar voice observed. "I do believe my poor little eyes must be failing me."

He turned in his seat to see three female snow leopards garbed completely in black, their forms mostly hidden under cloaks, regarding him with a mixture of curiosity and smug enjoyment. "I am sorry, miss, you must have me mistaken for someone else."

Wu Bai, the most forward of the Wu Sisters, clucked her tongue. "Oh _please_," she dismissed, derision clear in her piercing blue eyes. "You're not fooling any of us with those robes and that stupid act-" she paused and lowered her voice to a purr- "_Master Shifu_. Why, you're as recognizable to us as a crocus to a honey bee."

He furrowed his brow at the analogy; while he _had_ fought against the Wu Sisters alongside his students on multiple occasions, and thus been on the receiving end of Bai's flirtatious banter, he sometimes had trouble comprehending how over the top she could be. "I, uhm... Okay."

"Back off, Bai," the green-eyed sister admonished; she was the oldest of the three, Zhin. From her tall, slender form to the confident straightness of her back and shoulders, to her deep, silky voice she practically radiated authority. "We are trying to travel _discreetly_, remember?"

"But I _am_ discreet, just look at me," Bai pouted.

"Attempting to hang a trapeze in your room is _not_ discreet," she grumbled; she was the strategist of the group of assassins, and the most serious threat of the three, in Shifu's opinion- mainly because of the skill with which she wielded her deadly wind and fire wheels. She had once cut him so deep that she'd hit bone; _that_ had been painful.

"You know what they say," the blue-eyed snow leopardess said with a jaunty swing of her hips. "Luck favors the prepared!"

Zhin crossed her arms, arching one brow. "Prepared for _what_, Bai? Raining men?"

Before Bai had time to angrily retort, their violet-eyed sister finally chimed in. "That reminds me of an ancient legend back in my hometown of Huhuhubei, about the day it rained _hens_."

"I'm going to stop you there, Qiang," Zhin cut in. "Part of the point of being an assassin is to be able to kill your target _quickly_."

"Wait a minute," Lin finally managed to get a word in edgewise. "Did she just say her hometown was called '_Huhuhubei?_'" She furrowed her brow as she puffed on her pipe, which she had lit in the midst of the banter.

"That's right," Qiang, the improbably sweet and naive member of the group of assassins, answered happily. "Our town founders were the Hu brothers- _triplets_, to be exact. You see, they had traveled north from Shanghai to found the town, but they couldn't decide which brother to name the town after. They tried to settle their dispute with a traditional game of tofu hurling, but it ended up in a three-way tie."

Lin, thankfully, did not comment on the tofu hurling. "Wait- wouldn't it make sense, then, for them to use their given names in the town name?"

"They would have," she answered reasonably, "but then the town would have been called Huhuhuhuhuhubei, and everyone thought that _that_ was just ridiculous."

"Shall I?" Bai asked, and Zhin gave a nod of consent. Then, without another word, she tore a wanted poster off the wall, rolled it up, and swatted Qiang over the head with it.

Zhin then cleared her throat. "Master Shifu," she nodded to him judiciously, then turned to Lin, "whoever you are; in the interest of keeping the peace and remaining discreet, why don't you join us for drinks?"

Shifu could only imagine the kind of bedlam that would erupt if Lin were given the chance to drink. "No, we couldn't possibly-"

"We _insist_," Bai cut in, then went so far as to take a seat next to him, pulling her chair uncomfortably close.

"I could go for a nice, stiff drink," Lin added, and before he knew it the five of them were seated together at the table and the waitress had bustled over to bring the drink Lin had ordered from the inn's owner.

Bai leaned forward, eyeing her comrades. "You know what I could _really_ go for? Some of that coconut douhua we saw on the menu."

"No, we couldn't," Qiang protested, sounding scandalized at the very idea. "A rich dessert like that, at this time of night? We'll never get to bed."

"Speak for yourself." She winked at Shifu and he moved his chair a bit further away from her.

"To hell with it," Zhin concluded. "You only live once. Waitress, add three-"

"Make it five," Lin chimed in.

"-_Five_ orders of coconut douhua."

He had to admit, it was difficult to imagine the three women before him now as the trio of deadly assassins he and the Five had faced off against. When they spoke amongst themselves, they seemed almost like _regular_ sisters. Yet he knew for a fact that the three women, despite the name of their group, were not actually related by blood. They were simply a trio their master, Lady Wu, had rounded up and trained with the intention of passing on her deadly craft before her own demise. Shifu had been quite well-acquainted with Lady Wu and, unfortunately, the Wu Sisters knew far too much about him for his own comfort because of that acquaintanceship. He only hoped none of that information was not relayed to Lin at some point in the night.

"We are not looking for any trouble," Shifu informed the assassins levelly, hoping for the life of him that Lin didn't know who the snow leopards were.

Of course, she did. "The _Wu Sisters?_" she asked him once the waitress had left, sounding rather incredulous. "I gotta say, Shifu, I am pleasantly surprised."

"We are by no means on friendly terms," he argued.

"Really? 'Cause that's not what it looks like, especially with Bai-"

"Lin, we need to talk." He yanked the giant mug of alcohol she'd been about to chug from her hand, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her out of hearing distance. "You need to promise me you will _not make trouble_ with these women," he hissed.

She looked indignant, though he suspected that was mainly because he had taken her drink away from her. "Why would I make trouble with a bunch of notorious assassins?"

He gave her a flat look which spoke volumes.

"...Okay, in _some circumstances_ I might, for fun."

He made no comment on her definition of "fun."

"Anyway, you really think I'd blow our cover like that? In a place like _this?_ I'm not an idiot, Shifu." She actually sounded _insulted_. "Although, say I _did_ do something stupid- you could take 'em, right?"

He rolled his eyes. "I do not know if I could handle all three of them on my own." There was once a time when it would have been, if not easy, at least possible. Unfortunately, he was not as spry as he used to be.

"Relax, I'll be good," she assured him, though he didn't feel particularly reassured.

"You had better," huffed as he followed her back to the table, and they joined the Wu Sisters in the midst of some sort of argument that had begun between them.

"You are full of yourself," Zhin accused Bai. "I refuse to believe you have been with so many men."

"That sounds a bit like someone _I_ know," Shifu grumbled, earning himself an elbow in the side from Lin.

"You have no clue how many men have fallen to my doe-eyed beauty," Bai sniffed indignantly.

"Doe-eyed?" Qiang suddenly interrupted in her usual innocent, cheerful tone. "And all this time I've been telling people you were _dough-thighed!_"

"That, too," Zhin replied.

"Oh, look who's talking, Attila," Bai snapped.

Lin slowly turned to Shifu and leveled him with a long, deadpan stare. "_These_ three," she informed him, "are the deadly assassins that you were worried you could not handle."

"Shut up," he hissed back, then turned to the Wu Sisters and cleared his throat. "Ladies, if you could reign it in, please?"

"Of course," Zhin accepted judiciously, though she still shot a glare toward Bai. "For you, Master Shifu, anything."

He found that particular assertion rather ironic, considering their past.

"Why?" Bai sniffed. "It's not like he's got any cake on him."

"I will _punch your heart out_," Zhin growled.

Shifu cleared his throat to once again interrupt the fight. "I cannot help but feel ominous about this particular meeting," he informed them; after all, he still had no idea why they were being so... Diplomatic. With _him_, at least, if not with each other.

"You worry too much," Lin dismissed before she somehow managed to chug her drink with her pipe still in her mouth, prompting him to wrinkle his nose at the sight. Despite the fact that it was the size of her head, she finished the entire mug with a smack of her lips, then gestured to the waitress for a refill. "Clearly, they're trying to keep their heads down. They can't do that if they pick a fight with you, now can they?"

"That's right!" Qiang confirmed happily. "How did you know? Say, were you listening in when Bai and Zhin were fighting over who got to flirt with Shifu?"

Bai and Zhin both looked like they were ready to kill Qiang, before the green-eyed sister leaned forward and calmly informed them, "Qiang was dropped on her head as a child... And just yesterday, as well. Please disregard everything she says."

"But-"

"_Everything_," she repeated.

After a short, uncomfortable silence, Lin leaned over and muttered into Shifu's ear, "What is it with you and snow leopards?"

He kicked her under the table, then cleared his throat. "I don't believe I have introduced you to Lin yet, how rude of me," he rushed out.

"We were wondering when you were going to introduce your _lady friend_," Bai replied. "We were unaware that you were... _Attached_."

"Especially since you were dressed like a man," Qiang directed at Lin with complete naivety.

"We are _not_ 'attached,'" Shifu argued, worried that Lin might play along a little _too_ well if he let the assassins think otherwise.

"Yet," Lin added as the waitress returned with a tray full of douhua and another giant mug of alcohol for her. Of course, she took a huge gulp of the stuff the moment it hit the table, while the Wu Sisters all dug into their pudding.

He still felt the whole scene was somewhat surreal. "So I assume from your desire to keep a low profile that you are in the midst of a job?" He poked at his own dessert, wondering if he could trust it.

Lin didn't seem to have the same problem, as she took a gigantic bite and, embarrassingly enough, moaned in pleasure as she chewed.

"Not at all," Zhin replied, not that he believed her.

"That's right, work's been so _slow_ lately," Qiang sighed. "Maybe it's because people are finally learning to get along. It reminds me of the story of Li Cheng, the town grump-"

Zhin interrupted the woman by outright slapping a hand over her mouth. "One more word, Qiang," she warned, "and _you_ will be my next assignment."

"Well, at the very least we'll be getting a lot more business in soon, won't we girls?" Bai sighed, ignoring the other women's bickering as she leaned her head on her hand and scanned the room, her gaze landing once again on Shifu with a smile that made him extremely uncomfortable.

"Oh I can't wait to get back to work," Qiang added, bouncing in her seat in her excitement. "I _hate_ feeling useless and inactive... Almost as much as I hate bee stings, or people who don't say thank you when you hold the door open for them."

Zhin eyed her as if it were unbelievable that she even existed. "The world in which you live must be a truly horrific place," she commented, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Surely you are not speaking to me about some plan of yours," Shifu cut in to the conversation, confused by what Bai had mentioned. This "business" she had spoken of must be related to some sort of plot or event he'd yet to hear of.

"Plan?" Zhin asked, this time turning her incredulous gaze on him. "Surely you've heard by now of what's happened in Bengal?"

"Of course," Shifu lied through his teeth, because he doubted admitting his ignorance could end well. He glanced sideways at Lin, who'd remained suspiciously quiet on the subject, and managed to catch her eye before she looked down into her drink. She clearly knew something. "How could I have missed the connection?"

"Most people aren't concerning themselves with all that business," Bai assured him with a dismissive wave of her hand. "But _we _know what it all means." She bit her lip as she began to trace the edge of her glass with one finger, a somewhat dreamy look crossing her face. "It'll only be a matter of time before those strapping young British soldiers come marching across that border."

"And then we can kill them for money," Zhin added evenly.

"And learn some new recipes!" Qiang chimed in, earning herself exasperated looks.

Shifu, meanwhile, was trying to process what he'd just heard. "You have information regarding an invasion?" he pressed, glancing once more toward Lin; she already knew precisely what the sisters were talking about, he was sure of it.

"We don't have anything new to add," Bai dismissed with a wave of her hand. "We'll all just have to wait and see what those crazy westerners decide to do."

Lin snorted, and Shifu assumed it was because she herself was a "crazy westerner."

"I see," he cut in before she could say anything troublesome. "You have no more information for us?"

"Unfortunately, no," Zhin replied firmly. "So tell us, what brings an esteemed master like _you_ out to our neck of the woods?"

"We're going to Shanghai," Lin answered, before Shifu had a chance to be evasive. He glared at her, but she didn't seem to notice.

"And _the rest_ of that information is private," he informed the women, before Lin drunkenly spilled every detail of their trip.

"Interesting," Bai commented, raising her eyebrows as her gaze shifted back and forth between the two of them. "And _very_ unexpected."

"What's unexpected?" Qiang asked vacantly.

"We'll tell you when you're older," Zhin dismissed, throwing a few jiao onto the table. "I think it's about time we left you two to your own devices."

"Yeah, we should get to bed, anyway," Lin agreed, ignoring the dirty subtext that could be read into the statement.

"We don't plan to get in your way _this_ time," she informed Shifu as the three snow leopards stood and pulled their flowing black cloaks tighter around their bodies to prepare for the cold. "And out of respect for our dear departed master, we'll try to stay clear of the Valley of Peace until your return."

"You will?" he asked suspiciously; of course, he didn't trust anything a single one of them said.

"That's right, lover-boy," Bai confirmed cheerfully, giving him a flirtatious pinch on the cheek. "You always _were_ the old lady's favorite. Heaven only knows _why_, but maybe you'll show me your secret some day."

Qiang even bowed to him, though she had never quite been all there. "Next time you're in our area, let us know! I'll make you some of my award-winning honey nut syrup cakes."

"Now, Qiang," Zhin scolded as she herded her two sisters in arms toward the door, "it's rude to part ways with a threat."

Shifu caught a brief glance of the scandalized look on Qiang's face before the three women walked out the door and presumably disappeared into the night.

"_That_ was an unusual goodbye, _lover-boy_," Lin commented as she took a gulp from her mug and eyed him curiously. "What was it all about?"

He debated on the wisdom of divulging that particular part of his past to her; it was a little scandalous, after all, though she had probably already deduced as much from the comments the Wu Sisters had made. "You have your secrets, and I have mine." If he _was_ going to tell her, he might as well bargain for a trade.

"I guess it's an ex-girlfriend, huh? Sorry to hear about the 'departed' part." She gave him a pat on the arm as consolation, then returned her attention to her drink, as if she had completely lost interest.

"Wait- you don't want to know about it?" he asked, a little offended that she'd been so easily bored by him.

"Part of me wants to know," she admitted. "But the rest of me knows better 'an to dig up old girlfriends."

"Why is that?"

"'Cause it's nothing but trouble."

He found it rather ironic that Lin, of all people, wanted to avoid trouble. "...You really do not want to know anything about my past? At all?"

"I didn't say _that_." She finished off her drink, then finally gave him her full attention. "It's just that I don't need to hear about your past relationships. Lord knows I wouldn't wanna tellya about all of mine. And like I said, it's nothing but trouble."

"Admit it, you just assume that I have never had any interesting relationships," he grumbled, well aware of how stodgy and boring she thought he was.

She shrugged. "No, I just assume other people's relationships _in general_ are boring."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, though he doubted it would do any good; after all, he had been on the road with Lin for over a week, and if his headache hadn't subsided already it never would. "Perhaps we should call it a night," he suggested.

"Sure, it's not like I got anymore alcohol in front of me."

"You truly are poetic," he grumbled as he dropped some coins on the table and stood up. "So... We are sharing a room."

"Too late to get two of 'em now," she replied nonchalantly, then accosted the inn's proprietor to lead them up the stairs to their room.

"_Of course_ it is," he muttered, though once they reached the room in question he was glad to see that it was at least a large one. "You may have the bed," he dismissed. "I prefer to sleep on hard surfaces."

She leapt onto the bed before he had even finished the sentence and kicked her shoes off. "Yeah, I prefer to be awake when I'm on _hard surfaces_."

He wasn't in the mood to trade barbs with her, so he settled on a simple, "Ew." As he pulled his blanket out of his bag and began arranging it on the floor, he could feel her watching him.

"You can use my blanket ifya want," she offered.

"I do, thank you."

She yanked the tightly folded and rolled cloth out of her bag, but hesitated in handing it over to him. "You okay?" she suddenly asked, eyeing him critically.

He hadn't been aware that he'd been acting at all out of the ordinary, though Lin could be shrewdly observant when she wanted to be. "My hip is hurting a little," he told her, though it wasn't any more sore than usual after a long day of travel; in reality, he was actually wondering how much Lin knew about the international activities the Wu Sisters had mentioned. Still, he knew that it would not be wise to bring it up until the morning, after she'd been well-rested and fed.

"I know a trick for that," she offered, though he couldn't shake his skepticism.

He stopped fussing with his blanket and sat back on his heels, raising an eyebrow at her. "It isn't the kind of trick that involves you breaking my finger, is it?"

"Naw, I don't do that to people anymore," she dismissed, though he suspected she was probably joking.

He _hoped_ she was joking, anyway. "Alright, I give in. What is your trick?"

"First, siddown," she ordered, and against his better judgment he did as he was told. "Okay, now close your eyes and breathe deeply through your nose."

He followed her instructions, waiting for her to tell him the next step, but she remained silent. Just as he was about to ask her what he should do next, he felt her lips press against his. He really should have seen it coming- he was an idiot for not suspecting anything- but at the same time she was a _really good kisser_.

Her lips were rough and chapped, and she still tasted like coconut and alcohol from their meal. And for a brief moment, he was thirty-something again, with a hopeful future and a woman who loved him. It felt so soft and warm and _right_ that he could have kissed her for an eternity, he could have his lips glued to hers and he would be perfectly content. And when she slid her tongue into his mouth and started doing things with it he'd only ever dreamed of, he couldn't remember why he'd been annoyed in the first place.

All too soon, she pulled away. "How's your hip feeling _now?_" she breathed.

"What hip?" he asked dazedly.

"See? All better." With that, she crawled back to the bed and flopped down onto her stomach. "G'night."

He stared at her for a moment, stunned, before he made his anger known. "You are unbelievable!"

"I know," she yawned, apparently unconcerned.

"Why I even agreed to take this trip with you, I have no idea!"

"That makes two of us."

"Don't you start that with me!" He had a feeling that he was going to drop dead of an aneurysm before they even reached Shanghai. "Why did you kiss me?"

"This's just like you," she sighed. "Always asking 'why.' What's it matter? Will knowing why change anything? Will it makeya happier?"

"Yes!" He watched as she burrowed into her blankets in an attempt to avoid the conversation, then stormed over and yanked the blankets off of her. "This is not over," he insisted. "Not even remotely!"

"Fine, you can share the bed," she huffed, sliding over to make room for him.

"Are you even listening to me?" He sat on the bed anyway, since it seemed like it was the only way he would be able to get her attention. "I tolerate a lot of your comments and come-ons, but you cannot _kiss me_ and then act as though nothing happened."

"Don't kissya, got it," she replied, giving him a thumbs up in lieu of actually _facing_ him.

"That is _not_ what I meant!" He grabbed her and rolled her over to actually look her in the face, but the way she blinked up at him and blushed made him realize exactly the kind of impression he was giving off, sitting in bed with her and holding her by the shoulders, insisting that they talk about a kiss. "Nevermind," he rushed out as his face slowly turned a bright shade of red and he scrambled to get off the bed. "I- you- goodnight."

"You're such a weirdo," she grumbled, then grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back onto the bed. "Now get some sleep." She pushed him down onto his back and kissed him again, then threw half her blankets over him. "G'night."

He wanted to grab hold of her and pull her close, to kiss her again, to explore every last inch of her body. Instead, he awkwardly rearranged the blankets and settled into bed. "...Goodnight."

She rolled over and, with a loud yawn, draped an arm over his stomach.

He didn't think he'd ever get to sleep, yet somehow he managed to eventually drift off- only to have a series of dreams all of which prominently featured Lin's admittedly attractive behind.

* * *

The floorboards of the barracks hallway squeaked treacherously underneath the weight of the kung fu warrior on top of them, and he paused, waiting for someone to wake up and catch him. When nothing happened, Po let out a quiet sigh of relief. It wasn't often that he woke up with a late-night craving, not since he'd begun practicing kung fu, but he still didn't want anyone to know. Everyone had their little secrets, at least his was innocent enough. Still, Shifu would probably get mad if he knew about the habit- and probably go off on a rant about discipline and self-control. Even Po had to admit he didn't have much in the way of self-control.

He stopped in front of the kitchen door, staring. There was still time to walk away. All he had to do was turn around and go back to bed. He'd probably end up sitting up all night, daydreaming about dumplings.

He turned away from the kitchen doors and headed outside. A little fresh air couldn't hurt, and if he was still hungry after his walk, he'd grab a bite to eat. That seemed like good compromise. It would at least give him a chance to try to distract himself from his cravings. And if there was one thing in the world that could take his mind off of food, it was kung fu, so he headed to the Hall of Warriors. He'd been counting on some solitary contemplation (and geeking out), but was surprised to find he wasn't the only one in the mood to visit the hall so late at night.

Tigress stood at the library of scrolls, completely engrossed in one. She'd lit some of the candles surrounding the moon pool and was reading by their light, which reflected off her fur and gave it a soft golden glow. Tigress was a beautiful woman, of course- no one in their right mind would deny it- but sometimes it just hit Po, like a bag of bricks.

"Um- uh- hi," he called out, watching as she jumped a little bit in surprise, fumbling with the scroll. He'd never caught her by surprise before, and he honestly hadn't expected her reaction to be so... Regular. It was kind of nice.

"Po!" She quickly rolled the scroll closed, then held it behind her back. "Your training is starting to pay off. A month ago I would have heard you a mile away."

"Yeah," he agreed nervously as he approached. "I mean, I guess it comes with bein' the Dragon Warrior an' all. Y'know, havin'... Kung fu skills..."

"Yes, Po," she replied, looking at him weirdly. "I _do_ know what it's like to have kung fu skills."

"I didn't mean it like that!" he corrected quickly. "I mean, of course _you_ know what it's like to have kung fu skills, you're _the_ Master Tigress, I have action figures of you!" He immediately realized how creepy that sounded. "I mean, not _just_ you, I got everyone from the Five, but you were always my favorite. Oh, gods, no- I mean as a _fan_, I thought you were the coolest, but it's not like I ever had a _crush_ on ya or somethin'... Not that there's anything wrong with ya, it's just... I'm just respectful like that. Very respectful."

Tigress watched him through his whole awkward speech, blinking in confusion. After a moment of silence, she cleared her throat. "I see."

"We could just forget I ever said anything," he suggested hopefully.

"Yes," she quickly agreed. "That would be good."

"Right. Awesome." He glanced down at the scroll still in her hands, desperate for a change of subject. "So..." He gestured to the scroll. "More nerve attacks?"

"Hm?" She looked down at the scroll, then back up to him, her eyes widening a little bit. "No- I- it's, uhm- how did you know?"

"What else would ya be sneakin' around for?"

"Don't tell anyone," she suddenly ordered, shooting him a forceful glare with her fiery eyes.

"M'kay," he agreed, blinking in surprise at the order. "Ya don't want Shifu findin' out?"

"What I do while Shifu is gone is nobody's business," she replied stiffly. "I am spending some time focusing on _me_."

He wasn't used to Tigress blatantly disobeying their master's orders (unless it involved barreling headlong into danger), but he supposed it was only a matter of time. He was familiar with the story of how she had come to be Shifu's student and his daughter, and the distance between the two was obvious to anyone who so much as glanced at them. "Y'know, I think it's cool that you're finally doin' somethin' for yourself."

She blinked back at him as if that had been the last response she had expected. "You do?"

"Yeah!" he confirmed. "I mean, I know how it is, always tryin' to please other people. My dad always wanted me to love noodles, but I love kung fu, y'know?"

"Not everyone is you, Po," she replied harshly, then turned around and shoved the scroll back onto its shelf.

Po couldn't help but feel a little hurt at the outburst, but he tried his best not to take it too personally; it took Tigress a long time to see that people were on her side, if she ever did at all. "Sorry," he muttered, letting out an awkward cough. "I just... I wanted to let ya know I understand. That's all."

"Hmph," she grumbled, staring at the library of scrolls. "..I probably shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Hey, it is what it is." He gave a casual shrug, smiling at her.

She didn't smile back, not that _that_ was anything new.

"So, nerve attacks. Ya get anywhere with 'em yet?"

"The problem with nerve attacks is that I need someone to practice with."

"You mean someone to practice _on,_" he corrected. "I'd offer, but..." He patted his stomach. "It's kinda hard to find my nerve points under all this _fur_." He grimaced as he said it; he knew of course, that pandas were _supposed_ to be built like him, but still... A round face and a big belly didn't exactly scream "kung fu warrior."

"Don't make that face," Tigress scolded, catching him by surprise. "You can't change it any more than I can change my stripes- though your _health_ won't hold out for long if you keep eating so much oil and salt."

He blushed in embarrassment; he hadn't thought Tigress had noticed his eating habits.

"Anyway, your 'fur' may not look cool like you think the Dragon Warrior should, but it is an advantage in battle, and that's all you should care about."

"Um... Thanks." He had to admit, the last person he'd expected to give him a pep talk was Tigress. "You're uhm... You're really... Well, thanks. Aheh."

"Don't thank me," she ordered. "That wasn't a compliment, it was an observation."

"Oh, sorry." Sometimes he wondered if Tigress ever relaxed, even a little bit. If she did, he doubted she'd let him see it. "Y'know, ya don't seem very happy most of the time. Just an observation."

"Don't push it, panda."

"Yes'm." He twiddled his thumbs sheepishly at the glare she shot him. He'd probably been a little too forward with her, but he wasn't the most socially skilled person in the world.

"Just because I don't joke around and act like a giant goofball doesn't mean I'm unhappy. I'm as happy as the next person."

"Okay, good," he accepted. "So, uhm, back to nerve attacks." He didn't want the conversation to get _too_ awkward.

"I don't think you're ready yet, Po." She'd practically read his mind with that one. "Maybe in another few months."

"_Months?_" he choked out, shocked that she thought he'd ever be ready at all, let alone in less than a year.

"What, that's too long for you?" She raised an eyebrow at him, much in the way Shifu would.

"N-no," he stuttered out, still flattered by her overestimation of his skills. "It seems _soon_, doesn't it?"

"Well that all depends on what Shifu thinks. You _are _a fast learner, though." She eyed him critically for a moment. "Maybe a little _too_ fast."

"Huh?" He wondered how it could possibly be a bad thing for someone to learn quickly. "What's that mean?"

"Sometimes I wonder-" She paused, pressing her lips together the way she always did when she was annoyed or unsure.

"Go on," he prompted. "I don't mind. I mean, how'm I supposed to improve if I dunno what my faults are?"

She hesitated, then nodded in agreement. "Sometimes I wonder if you appreciate how gifted you are." She took him by surprise with that one. "In weeks you were able to defeat Tai Lung, something I failed to do after a lifetime of training. And now, you'll be ready to learn nerve strikes in a few months, and Master Shifu doesn't think _I'm_ ready yet."

"Maybe he just doesn't wanna teach it to anyone," Po reasoned. "Maybe he's afraid it'll be like Tai Lung all over again."

"I am _nothing_ like Tai Lung!" she snarled, her fur bristling.

"Whoa, hey, that's not what I meant!" he protested, shrinking back a little bit; Tigress could really scare the crap out of him, sometimes. "I just meant, y'know, Shifu's not gonna change overnight. He's still gonna be a little, uh... Y'know. _Him_."

"Sure," she scoffed.

"There's no reason to be so negative."

"You don't need to lecture me," she shot back. "I've had enough of that for a lifetime."

"Sorry." He wished he could think of something less awkward to say, but he wasn't exactly the best conversationalist around. "So..."

"Do you think I'm out of line?" she suddenly asked.

"Uh." He wasn't exactly in a position to tell Tigress how to behave. But, he understood that kung fu was her life, and that learning nerve strikes was important to her. "I think you're gonna do something if your heart's set on it, and that no one can stop ya. If it's outta line, or it's not the right thing to do, you'll learn it on your own. But you'll never find that out if ya walk away."

She stared at him a moment, and he could have sworn she looked almost _grateful._ The look faded quickly, though, and she was back to normal soon enough. "Alright, then."

"Okay," he accepted, and they stood in uncomfortable silence while he swung his arms back and forth, trying to come up with something to say.

"So I'm getting tired," Tigress blurted out. "So... Goodnight."

"Oh, okay," Po agreed, taking a step back. "Okay. Goodnight." He headed for the door, but it was kind of a long walk and he couldn't help but turn around. "Sleep tight," he added. "Later, I mean. When ya... Get to bed. Not that I would ever thinka that kinda thing, but uh- don't let the bed bugs bite. But I don't actually think ya'd have bed bugs, you're a very clean individual. In a good way, o' course. I mean, there's no bad way to be clean, unless you're obsessed with it, and you're not... So... You're all good."

"Goodnight, Po," she repeated, an exasperated note in her voice.

"Right," he mumbled as he reached the door, blushing in his embarrassment. "G'night." He managed to get out of the hall without saying anything else weird or stupid, thankfully.

As he headed back to the barracks, though, he couldn't help but marvel at how well the conversation had gone. Tigress had opened up to him more than she ever had before, and it had felt good to have enough of her regard to be able to talk to her like... Well, almost like a friend. Maybe he'd somehow finally gotten on her good side. Or maybe she was coming down with a cold something. In any case, he'd enjoyed their conversation.

As he settled back into bed, he realized that he hadn't eaten a thing. He marveled at that fact for a moment, then got up again. A little fruit never hurt anyone.

* * *

A/N: Oh, Shifu. When are you going to learn that no matter what you do, Lin will always be right- even when she's wrong? :P

Anyway, there are a lot of references in this chapter- let's see if I can remember them all. The chapter title is another Lin Yutang quote. Chen's "see, ya think I give a shit" line is from the famed twitter account, Shit My Dad Says. Meanwhile, Lin's line, "I am _this close_ to punching you in the dick" is from the Showtime series Shameless. Shifu's reference to mistaking sneezing powder for hair-restorer is a reference to the KFP MMORPG (because I am such a winner with so much of a life). The inn I'm sure you'll recognize from the dream sequence in the beginning of the movie. And, finally, you might have noticed that I took inspiration from the Golden Girls for the Wu Sisters. Why? I thought it was funny.

In our next installment, the adventures continue- all the way to Shanghai.


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